How can you get a girlfriend if you have aspergers syndrome?

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Just be yourself and when the time is right things will happen.

I have a routine which I refer to as my social programming. For a limited amount of time I seem to be able to convince people that I am your every day 100% normal guy who can lay on the charm. When I first met my fiancee I fell into my programming and we talked, I laughed at jokes I didn't understand, proceeded to lay on some charm I hard learned from trial and error and bought £10 worth of raffle tickets in support of a bear sanctuary that she was selling. Boom, Facebook friend request followed by messages which I spent longer than I care to admit editing to make sure they came across as 'normal' then onto dates which were always tailored to involve activities so the focus wasn't always on conversation. From there it was a slow process of introducing her to my 'quirks' and giving her time to accept them one by one.

I do not advise this. My partner has often said that I was "so different" in the beginning and it stirs up guilt that I pretty much lied to her about who I am and tricked her into being with someone completely different to what she originally saw. Concentrate on being yourself, develop your own interests and then go somewhere where you can openly share these interests, there will be people there you can share these interests with and it'll be easier to get to know them and bond with them.

I am told a good haircut and an ironed shirt also helps but I have never attempted to apply this to myself.

That's not really true. I'm 36 and have been myself my whole life and I've never even dated anyone. It's getting to the point where it's going to be too late.

Be yourself?

Ba. BAHAHAHA. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

What if you're rude, selfish, fat, have poor hygiene, jobless, lazy, angry, negative and sad?

You should never be yourself, you should be your BEST self.

Always work on self-improvement in any and every way you can.

You need to have a good self-esteem and be happy with who you are, yes.

But you also need to NEVER be satisfied with being content and always giving yourself something to work towards.

I do it be seducing them of course. Also... Asperger's Syndrome is no longer an existing diagnosis within the DSM ever since its version V came out (not that I ever believed in the fraudulent cult-scheme of psychiatry to begin with in the first instance).

If you by seducing mean flirting, I agree with everything above.

Of course. You don't want to fake somebody you are not in a LTR.



If you are all those, you are better off single.



Why? I don't want to give girls false impressions I cannot uphold. It will break-down sooner or later.



I don't want to improve. I like myself as I am.



I have. Because I like myself as I am.



Isn't that against what you said above about self-esteem?

It's difficult to explain really and yes I did contradict myself there (although I was trying not to).

All I'm saying is, in my personal opinion it's good to be happy with who you are, but don't be closed off to self-improvement.

If you like yourself as you are, again that's good. That's how it should be.

Just don't prevent yourself from improving as a person.

It's the frog principle.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiling_frog

There's not really any standing still, you're either gaining or slipping.

For example you might be gaining a LITTLE weight. A little here, a little there. Maybe a few lbs bigger than last year. No big deal. Next minute you're middle aged and suffer from obesity and obesity related diseases.

Live the best life you can, that's all. Eat as healthy as you can, get a normal amount of exercise, make an effort to meet people in the world, discover your hobbies/interests and pursue them, try to work and hold down a job, etc.

Being your 'best' self means be yourself. Just be the best 'you' you can be. It's not really being a fake or a lie, it's quite the opposite - it's being your honest and true self, realizing your true potential and not letting it go to waste.

I'm 27 with a beautiful 23 year old wife and I had many relationships before her. I'm high functioning with an IQ of 136 I've learned over years to ape human behaviour and it is exhausting! Over time my true nature shows. My wife says I can be inconsiderate but she understands and from what I've observed its not unusual for males. She is wonderful. She has elevated hormones but is extremely logical. We are in a way dealing with the same problem! I am affected by testosterone and adrenalin, I have human needs even though my mind rejects primitive emotions and behaviours.

I'm interested in meeting similar high functioning aspies.

I would probably fit into that category. I was invited to join Mensa based on my ACT score in high school. Did get a Ph.D at age 29 and work as a tenured professor.

I have been married for 15 years, to a great NT woman, but unlike you didn't have many relationships before hand. I have other attachment issues due to circumstances surrounding my biological mother, adoption, and childhood abuse. I am sure those things didn't help. I can see in retrospect that I had quite a few chances for relationships with some females in college, and maybe even in graduate school, but I had absolutely no idea how to get a relationship started. I didn't even realize that men have to make most of the first moves. Finally did get into one serious 18 month relationship when I was 29, that lasted for 18 months. Got married when I was 32. I still get ashamed at times over my lack of previous relationships, but at least I now know it was due to a disorder I have and not because I was ugly (which I ended up concluding for some time).

Today Aspies do benefit from access to the internet, which has no shortage of information on social skills, how to get into relationships, etc. The internet was just starting when I was in the unattached arena. I definitely would have benefited from the information it gave me plus the on-line dating sites. I did read one book on dating, and that was the extent of me trying to find out information on how to do it correctly.

I would likely of had a more similar experience without the aid of modern convenience of information. The relationships I spoke of ranged from brief and awful to 3 years and mostly ok but few ended well..

I wish I would have had the access to information that people do nowadays. I guess I did get lucky in that I never had a bad breakup with someone that involved lots of emotion, or yelling, or later resentment.

thats why it gets annoying whenever people say it is never too late

they don't' want your sadless to effect their happy life. so they lie to get you to shut up and not kill yourself.
not because they actually believe what they are saying and who cares they already got their SO.

I remember a dating coach i was working with a year ago, when i told him my situation, he said to me that a couple of years ago, they knew and worked with a 42 year old man who had never had a girlfriend before, was a virgin, he had bad anxiety, he was from Vietnam, with serious heavy Coaching he finally got a girlfriend within a year, but damn, i had strong sympathy, empathy for him when they mentioned that about him. Sucks he had to miss all of his teens, 20's and 30's

You sound EXACTLY like me and I had same end result with my wife.