Son is stealing

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My son is 9 year old and he is not diagnosed with Asperger.
I dont think he has asperger

He is into stealing.
Earlier he stole lot of money and gave it to his friends in exchange for
trump cards.

We reprimanded him for the misbehaviour then he stopped stealing
Again he has started the activity
Recently i found some money in the bathroom behind the window
while cleaning
When i asked him he denied hiding it

Then my husband found money inside the pillow covers
When asked he denied it but told that he only hid it in the bathroom window

Why is he doing it??? Is it childhood kleptomania??

It could be part of a number of different conditions.

Does he have other issues? Does he seem unhappy a lot of the time? Does he argue a lot with adults, or lose his temper easily? Does he lie a lot? Does he seem guilty when caught for misbehaving? Does he have compulsive rituals, such as washing his hands, counting, tapping things, etc? Does he seem worried a lot? Has he gone through any traumatic experiences, or lost anyone he cares about?

I second ODD as well.

Children with ODD feel like they are drowning when they are being told what to do or what not to do so they will fight it when they are told and when they are threatened with a consequence, they feel the need to fight it more to get control. That is what I have read about it.



From what I have noticed on this forum and elsewhere, lot of people with ODD don't seem to believe they have it and think it's a BS condition. They don't think they have a problem and think they are right and believe everyone just wants to control everyone. They don't see it as a problem not respecting other people. They just think all those people want control so therefore they don't respect them. They believe ODD was made up for people who don't like to be controlled and refuse to be sheep and follow every little rule so they invent a label to control them so they can try and fix it. But I know that is not what it's about. Of course no one likes to be told what to do nor like to be controlled but these people go extreme with it where they don't respect anyone at all they turn into someone like your son and they don't believe they have anything wrong with them and think what they do is acceptable behavior. I knew an aspie with it and he took pride in his abuse he inflicted on other kids at his school and teachers and his own mother. He loved control and found ways to get what he wanted and he knew how to play his mother who was afraid of him.

Not all ODD people think it's a BS condition, there are some who do admit they have it and say they have no control over their behavior and they are aware of it. Even one of them wrote it's a horrible thing they have and wished they didn't have it.

I want to start with one word in one of your posts: shout. You note that he backtalks when you shout at him.

If you said what you meant there, have you tried not shouting? I never found shouting to work with either of my children; it agitates them and reduces their ability to respond to me appropriately. It is a human instinct to shout, but it is rarely effective parenting.

Second, try an experiment on the back talking. Personally, I think children have a right to be heard, even if we as parents have final say. So I taught my kids that they get one chance at explaining to me what their issue is with my request, and if it is good, I'll change my request. If it isn't, or I have other overriding reasons, I simply say, "I've heard and understood your objection, but my request still stands."

Third, have you had a discussion with your son as to why stealing is wrong, and to get feedback from him as to why he think he does it? I know that getting conversation out of children for sensitive matters can be difficult, but it is very important to really communicate with our kids. Sometimes you have to come at it indirectly, talking about an imaginary fiction character who is doing the same sorts of things your child is. Most kids want to be "good" kids, but they get confused and they get impulsive. If you can get inside his head, understand where he is coming from, you have a better chance at dealing effectively with the behavior.

Finally, remember the golden rule of parenting: say what you mean and do what you say. You need to be clear, in a way the child understands, and you have to realistic when you issue consequences, never making threats you have no desire to carry out. You need to show predictability and consistency.

Anyway. Those are all things that help us when there are behavior issues with my children (one NT, one ASD).

I do think that some level of stealing is a common ages and stages thing, but your situation sounds a little more complicated. Overall, 9 can be a tricky age for kids, as school and social demands get more complicated, and they find the world around them confusing and unfair. They still have a lot to sort out and learn, and are going to push limits and test boundaries as part of that learning process. It doesn't have to mean a child is ODD; it could just be a normal response to the environment and, well, simply being 9.

Good luck.

My youngest brother who is NT also had a hard time listening if he got yelled at. He wouldn't shout back or nothing, he would just block it out and it would become "wah wah wah" for him like in Charlie Brown. All he hears is the yelling so that could be why over the years why he never listened to my mother because he couldn't hear a word she said because she was yelling. His mind just doesn't process when he is being screamed at. So when he was sixteen or fifteen, he told our mother "I don't like being yelled at, when you yell at me, I have a harder time listening and all I hear is yelling, not the words." So what my mother did then was sweet talked him. I could never tell anymore when she was mad and I was surprised how she could actually control her emotions because I sure can't. Just imagine having a child who is unable to listen when yelled at and you having difficulty controlling your feelings and your tone of voice. It would go around in circles and cause problems between the child and parent because of their own inabilities.

I am sure it happens a lot with parents and that is what makes families so dysfunctional because of their own issues. My little brother was a little unique himself and he managed to grow up without special ed or a 504 Plan despite having problems in school 6th grade and up.