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qwan
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13 Jul 2013, 5:42 am

Does anyone relate to this status I wrote about how I feel, I'd rather not reword but I'm sure I saw a picture of two goldfish in separate bowls in a autism romance themed page somewhere, I wonder if it is to do with this kind of feeling.

Quote:
Feel like I'm in a goldfish bowl and everyone else is on the outside.
It's not visible, but there is a barrier between me and everyone else, and the more I try to get close, the more I feel this barrier.
Pressing our hands on either side of the glass is a really lonely, pathetic kind of affection to share. And it's really frustrating.


I'm not the most articulate person, but it's how I feel. I think it might attribute to why I push and pull with people, I pull them in to get close, then feel worse for feeling it's somehow not possible, and push them away. Or they push me away.

Can others relate? Is this a human thing, or specifically more common in autistics?


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benh72
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13 Jul 2013, 6:19 am

I think everyone feels it from time to time, but those of us on the spectrum more often than not, and in some cases always.
I even feel it sometimes with my wife, and we've been together more than 9 yrs, she's very understanding, but still there is that distance that can't be bridged.
It needs to be acknowledged, but I'm yet to figure how to do more than that.
It's kind of like being disconnected from the rest of the human race, and only others on the spectrum seem to know what it's like.



jamieevren1210
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13 Jul 2013, 7:06 am

Always.
The loneliest feeling is when you are perceived to be "just a little aloof and eccentric", have a few so called "friends" but only you yourself know how shallow these relationships are, and how unbreakable the glass wall is.
I've only made two "real" connections in real life. A guy and a girl. The girl is bipolar, the guy has ADHD. I have Asperger's and maybe we should form a band or something, we're all musical. (Just an afterthought)


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qwan
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13 Jul 2013, 7:16 am

I'm trying out dating because I've lost faith in forming friendships after the friends I made in the autism support group betrayed me big time.
It's more frustrating as romance is supposed to be all powerful and passionate and I can't get that.
I am asexual so there's that as well. But like when a person kisses me and asks me if I liked it I can only play over a list of things I physically felt and can say 'It didn't disgust me because if I had I'd have pushed you away'. It feels like I'm not able to access this important plane they go onto and they often take it as a sign you're not really interested in them as a person which I hate.

I prefer being a hermit but I want to be around people and am naturally extroverted. It was much less of a problem when we were kids.


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Lucywlf
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13 Jul 2013, 7:26 am

Yes. All the time.



Radiofixr
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13 Jul 2013, 8:22 am

Yes throughout most of my life.


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rachel_519
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13 Jul 2013, 11:29 am

jamieevren1210 wrote:
Always.
The loneliest feeling is when you are perceived to be "just a little aloof and eccentric", have a few so called "friends" but only you yourself know how shallow these relationships are, and how unbreakable the glass wall is.
I've only made two "real" connections in real life. A guy and a girl. The girl is bipolar, the guy has ADHD. I have Asperger's and maybe we should form a band or something, we're all musical. (Just an afterthought)


I am in a similar situation. I always had a few casual friends in college, but I don't think they often realized that they were my only friends. On a few occasions, someone would as me, "So who do you hang out with when you are not with us?" Those were awkward situations. Since I graduated from college a year ago, I have no social life outside of my immediate family, except for sometimes talking to women 10+ years older than me at church. The only person I have ever really felt connected with was an exchange student in my dorm in college who I am pretty sure had ADHD.

Sometimes I think maybe I could make closer friends if I were not as avoidant, but don't know if they would be "real" friends even then. I feel like I have to put on an act to make friends, but I can only keep the act on for so long, and I am afraid to let my real self show when other people are around because I am so weird on the inside. I can't really get close to people because, in the process of making friends, I have to pretend to be something different than what I am.


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qwan
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13 Jul 2013, 1:49 pm

I'm incredibly open with people, but it doesn't make us feel any closer. They just know loads of stuff they can use against me if they want. And people do try. For some reason, although I've ever done anything to warrant such things.


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Radiofixr
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13 Jul 2013, 3:12 pm

qwan wrote:
I'm incredibly open with people, but it doesn't make us feel any closer. They just know loads of stuff they can use against me if they want. And people do try. For some reason, although I've ever done anything to warrant such things.

Same here and I get accused of things that aren't true -by NT people and others on the spectrum too. I would go to the ends of the earth for people to be helpful but no one would for me.


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lostinlove
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13 Jul 2013, 4:32 pm

qwan wrote:
I'm incredibly open with people, but it doesn't make us feel any closer. They just know loads of stuff they can use against me if they want. And people do try. For some reason, although I've ever done anything to warrant such things.


I am not sure if I have aspergers, from reading things on this site today I definitely have some of the traits. I experience this all the time, I try to be open with people in order to not be misunderstood, but all that happens is I am still misunderstood but then the things I have told people are used against me :( I have always felt a bit different from other people, not quite on the same wavelength, but when I reason it all logically then I don't ever feel like I am the one at fault and I feel justified for all of my reactions. I think feeling like I am on the wrong planet sums it up perfectly.



jk1
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13 Jul 2013, 5:33 pm

I've felt like that all my life. I can't imagine that I would ever stop feeling in that way. I feel I am a different species or something.



Drehmaschine
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13 Jul 2013, 6:00 pm

I guess I've always been disconnected from people. I cannot genuinely feel any kind of bond for them, like friends, etc. I do not understand them, their thought patterns and logic. To be 100% honest, I cannot even claim to have friends, I have one or two people who are basically acquaintances, but even that seems like a strong term. Both workmates. They help with social interaction, learning to verbalize, transitioning from breaks to production and making sure other workers aren't taking advantage of me. They don't really know for sure that I'm autistic, but I'm sure they have a good guess.



vanhalenkurtz
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13 Jul 2013, 10:24 pm

Dating / relationships have the advantage of being somewhat tendentious whereas friendships are less structured. Compartmentalized. But the former are a lot more 'high maintenance' and people bring a lot of covert fantasy to the agenda. Half a century later, I don't understand any of it. I fight indeterminism, indeterminism always wins.


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the_grand_autismo
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14 Jul 2013, 2:31 pm

The goldfish bowl analogy is a good one I think. I feel like that with many of my friends: no matter how close we get I always hit a wall.

When I was younger (and before I knew I had ASD) I used to articulate my alienation by thinking that I felt like I had six fingers on each hand-- something subtle was off about me that you might not consciously notice but it made me ostracized for it.