Fired from every job you've ever had? Feel hopeless?



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lucious
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Sun Jul 28, 2013 2:05 am

Interested in seeing who else has had a horrible time with employment.


I have had over 20 jobs in my life so far and have not held one down for longer than 2 weeks. 2 weeks seems to be threshold at which I "slip up" and do something that gets me fired, or the environment is so emotionally draining I can not drag myself to work without wanting to die.


I'm at the point now where I cannot put any job down on my resume without it looking like a patchwork dogs breakfast of failure. Even though I have worked at jobs before, none are on my resume as it just looks so terrible to see positions held for 2 weeks with monstrous gaps in between. Now I am at a complete loss with no idea what to do- The thought of even going to a job interview triggers some sort of PTSD almost- I think of getting 'teased', getting reprimanded for being 'incompetent', people calling me 'wierd' etc and want to vomit. I dont think i can ever begin a job now without having an emotional breakdown. The simple thought of it triggers too many traumatic memories. Am I still expected to run through this stupid gauntlet of random jobs where I'll inevitably embarrass or humiliate myself, or doubtlessly incur the scorn and disdain of an NT because I'm wierd, a-social and incompetent?

I feel like I cant even explain this situation to a normal person, even my parents. Saying something like'the thought of a job triggers traumatic episodes' sounds to a NT, like pure excuse making. I think I need to see a therapist over it. It feels truly hopeless to live in poverty and isolation in your mid 20s.



TheValk
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Sun Jul 28, 2013 2:56 am

Have those things (being teased etc.) actually happened before during interview? If not, that's one cure to the paranoia - remind yourself that it's an irrational fear and that you are usually treated respectfully when being interviewed.

I'm also thinking that the 'incompetence' part is something we Aspies could fix more easily than all those criteria that disadvantage us on the job market... what are your thoughts on that?



lucious
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Sun Jul 28, 2013 3:31 am

Interviews are not so bad, the only thing that happens in an interview which is bad for me is stuttering, non-eye contact and fidgeting.


The teasing, incompetence, friction and discomfort/stimming always happen shortly into the job. The interviews have often gone ok, so has the first day on the job, but after that my mask of 'normality' starts slipping and I'm caught out.



danum
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Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:36 am

I've never had a job. I'd love to have these problems.


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lucious
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Sun Jul 28, 2013 10:51 am

i'd prefer to have not had a job really.

at least that way you wouldn't have traumatic memories of being teased, laughed at etc for being weird, antisocial, incompetent, failure, loser etc by horrible people who make other peoples lives a hassle as their own coping mechanism for 9-5 hell.

Seriously, I cant think about even looking for a job without wanting to vomit. I can't even hear the word without it conjuring up a series of horrible reminders of why I don't belong in a regular world.



diablo77
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Mon Jul 29, 2013 11:58 am

Before I got into the field I'm in now, that was me. I actually got fired from McDonald's for having an autistic episode while at work (to be fair, they were overwhelming me WAY beyond what should be considered normal for anyone). But maybe the key is finding something you fit into.



Jasper1
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Tue Jul 30, 2013 9:33 am

My situation is pretty close to the Ops. I've had about as many jobs. If the job is an ok fit I can get through about 3 months max. Sometimes a little more if they are relatively lenient and I could somewhat prove I could do the job pretty well.

I've had the issues the OP describes as well as my own particulars. A lot of times it's gotten to the point where I had so much anxiety before work that I had trouble breathing (I'm asthmatic) dry heave, and cough for a good 20 minutes before I leave. I'm pretty much drained before I even get there. I often can't sleep cause I'm running through my head all the issues at work especially the social ones and ones relating to authority. Not to mention when severe issues pop up quite randomly like workplace bullying, mental torture, and even physical threats. Which leaves me incredibly drained and very apprehensive about going to work.

I often feel like I'm going to prison when I go to work considering some of the types of people I've been forced to work with, and the lack of anything that gets done to remove them or seriously deal with the very real and disturbing problems they pose. I'm fairly certain I had to deal with more than my fair share of sociopaths in the work place. There was at least a couple times, one individual in particular, where I seriously thought I was in physical danger.

I have big gaps in my work history as well. Ranging from a couple months, six months, to my longest stretch now that's been about 2 years.

I'm at the point where it's been so long and my experiences so mentally painful, that I have great fear in attempting to re-join the work place.



babybird
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Tue Jul 30, 2013 9:44 am

luscious, I hate to have to tell you this but, Your fired.


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azucar8
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Thu Aug 01, 2013 4:11 pm

I got let go three times in a row since graduating college, so a span of a year and a half. The longest I'd held a job was 5 months. It all seems as if it's going well and they always like me for my personality and stuff but then I slip up with things like verbal directions and social judgment. I'm applying for a job coach through ACCES-VR. Maybe they can help you?



lucious
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Thu Aug 01, 2013 10:09 pm

Jasper1 wrote:
My situation is pretty close to the Ops. I've had about as many jobs. If the job is an ok fit I can get through about 3 months max. Sometimes a little more if they are relatively lenient and I could somewhat prove I could do the job pretty well.

I've had the issues the OP describes as well as my own particulars. A lot of times it's gotten to the point where I had so much anxiety before work that I had trouble breathing (I'm asthmatic) dry heave, and cough for a good 20 minutes before I leave. I'm pretty much drained before I even get there. I often can't sleep cause I'm running through my head all the issues at work especially the social ones and ones relating to authority. Not to mention when severe issues pop up quite randomly like workplace bullying, mental torture, and even physical threats. Which leaves me incredibly drained and very apprehensive about going to work.

I often feel like I'm going to prison when I go to work considering some of the types of people I've been forced to work with, and the lack of anything that gets done to remove them or seriously deal with the very real and disturbing problems they pose. I'm fairly certain I had to deal with more than my fair share of sociopaths in the work place. There was at least a couple times, one individual in particular, where I seriously thought I was in physical danger.

I have big gaps in my work history as well. Ranging from a couple months, six months, to my longest stretch now that's been about 2 years.

I'm at the point where it's been so long and my experiences so mentally painful, that I have great fear in attempting to re-join the work place.



Any idea of what one does in this scenario? Should I see a therapist over the negative psychological imagery the word "job" now creates in my mind? You're 100% correct about the mental torture- they're my psychological scars. going to a work environment, meetings, cubicles etc make me feel as if i have bugs under my skin



DizzleJWizzle
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Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:50 pm

the reason why i'm fired so much is the fact that i know how the world power structure works.
examples include the illuminati, the freemasons, the bohemian grove.

for example my grandfather (dad) - was a 32 degree freemason...

i don't care about my grandfather being a freemason...
but do to the fact that i'm stuck with asd( asperger's syndrome) it puts me at a disadvantage for work + my knowledge about certain topics....
i don't appear to be one of the sheeple

etc, etc..

:evil: :evil: :evil:



kdm1984
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Thu Aug 08, 2013 4:46 pm

You have really had it rough. I am sorry. This world is not accommodating of Asperger adults.

I typically can hold jobs for a few months at a time, but after that, something bad always happens, and I either quit or get fired myself. Like you, I beat myself up over it.

If I may ask, what jobs have you had so far? The best success I had was with substitute teaching (NOT full-time teaching - RAWWWRGH!), especially at the middle and high school levels, and especially as a substitute for paraprofessionals who help kids with disabilities. However, you need at least some college for that, and of course there is a social element, but if you sign up with enough districts, you don't have to deal with the same kids and school personnel every day, at least.

If that doesn't sound feasible, and you haven't done it, I may also recommend possibly trying out being a direct support professional, a job where you help others with developmental disabilities in their homes. All you need for that job is a HS diploma, automobile insurance, and a few other minor requirements. Again, there is a bit of a social element there, and I got sick of the one that began to develop at the last company where I was at (I'm at a new one and start orientation there tomorrow), but it's not as bad as many jobs. Also, if you can get a night shift position where you aren't dealing with social demands and multi-tasking as much, that helps as well. It's also an in-demand job where services are always hiring.

Good luck. All we can do in this life is keep trying, even when we want to puke, pass out, die, or whatever.



robfield
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Sat Aug 10, 2013 7:46 am

I've had similar experiences. Five months is about it. Competence is never a problem. It's meltdowns, overload, and empathy. I was only diagnosed a few weeks ago, I was born too early to have it caught in youth, and I had learned to fake the eye contact and body language well enough to prevent diagnosis, including through seven months of psychiatric care recently. I thought these failings represented character flaws. and I'm still coming to grips with it. I blamed myself all these years for my failures. Now I'm beginning to understand. My therapist is going to begin working with me on social cues and empathy.

I am on a team in a simulated entrepreneurship exercise. We built a business plan around a piece of software and I deliver a pitch on Tuesday. I've done much more than my share of the work (probably the bulk, to be honest) on the business plan, presentation and pitch. The quality was entirely corporate-grade. On Wednesday the businessman "mentoring" the team called me on the carpet. Apparently the team thought I was steamrolling them and trying to steal the glory. Obviously, glory doesn't mean much to an aspie. Anyway, I reacted badly, and the mentor threatened to pull me from the pitch, although he couldn't deny me credit for the course. I had to apologize to what was left of the team. If he had a choice, he would have booted me, but nobody else could do it and he wants to win. On Tuesday, I pitch, but with that incident and the diagnosis, I no longer have a lot of hope for job prospects.

The weird thing is that I do not generally have empathy problems with my friends or my wife.

I hope I can make some progress. I'm tired of being a 44-year old dependent with serious hard skills.



JohnConnor
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Sat Aug 10, 2013 8:18 am

I have worked in retail for 6 years. In those 6 years I got promoted three times. What I have is a team of specialized professionals to help me navigate through the work place. I have Aspergers. The problem to me sounds like you do not have an established team of professionals who you see on a regular basis. It looks to me like you have been recently diagnosed.

What I did to get help in the workplace was I enrolled in a University that had a great Disability Services Program which helped me not only achieve almost a 3.0 GPA but also aided me in holding down employment. They are still working with me even though I have graduated. It may be possible for you to fix your broken life but I must tell you that it will take time........years. But that has been my experience

Last night I had a talk with my management staff. I got moved to another department in the store not because of Aspergers but because I was suffering from workplace boredom.They know that I have a disability even my first line supervisor has a family member with a disability and she said that he works in retail but what they did with him was they put him in a job position where he does the same thing every night. What I mean by that is he does not have to multitask and run in several different places or perform tasks simultaneously.

Now I am in a hurry to get somewhere so I have not read your entire message and admittedly I don't know you very well. But I'll bet I know your situation. The first thing you are going to need to do is to find someone you can stay with who will provide you shelter. The next thing you are going to need to do is to get yourself into a church and tell them your situation. You need understanding people who are on your side. And please don't take any offense when I say this because I am not trying to offend you but you need to build it yesterday. But it looks to me like you already know that.

I was 26 when I was diagnosed so I know what you are going through. But I'm here to tell you is that the help is out there for holding down work. Its just that the help exists in very few places. But the places that it does exist in is powerful and oh so helpful. It exists in the Disability Services Office of large state Universities.



managertina
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Sat Aug 10, 2013 10:42 am

Seeing a therapist might not be a bad idea. I myself had a coach until recently and will be seeking social skills assistance. I got diagnosed at 28 and have been able to keep down my first fulltime job, after four years of searching. I am going through some hard times now but I know I will make it through.



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