How to use OKCupid

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Ahh. I alternate between being embarrassed by other members of my gender and being grateful that their bad behavior makes things like using proper spelling and punctuation and not leading with dick pics "stand out" features. I'm a glass half full kind of guy.

I know lost's idea about simply not putting info in your profile so you can be more agreeable doesn't sound sincere, but he's at least being honest about it. I've busted 2 of my friends now for doing this.. They've barely filled their profiles in other than to say they work, they do exercise and have a place. They then message girls and say they like the same things -_-.... and you know what's the worst bit??? It works. Honesty, however much we Aspies value it doesn't seem to pay off.

A lot of guys simply don't answer the questions because the more you answer the less chances you have. It's actually counter productive in many ways because while we are more accepting of alternate views, it doesn't work the other way round. Yes it will match you with more people but those people will turn you away over the most petty things like if you were okay with dating x and x people (even if that means they would date them!). or what kind of popcorn they eat etc. on top of that, if a girl answers a lot of questions it's cute and us guys will read them..if a guy answers too many questions it's seen as us having too much time on our hands.

My personal advice to guys about these stupid survey questions? DON'T answer ANY of them! Instead, find a girl that fits you best in terms of of those questions and initiate contact with her. If those things come up at least you won't have to lie about them in order to stay on good terms. If you really must answer questions, make them all irrelevant and goofy ones. Girls, if you find you are not getting any hits and you've answered a lot of questions? Same thing. Guys might assume you're very picky , and likely to reject them over the slightest thing, even though all you're doing is what everyone else is doing which is answering the questions normally. The male ego is easier to bruise than we make out.

Well, that's my 2 cents!

I personally prefer a "no, not interested" response and a brief why if possible, ignoraning is the peak of direspect in my opinion. The least sign of respect for another human being is acknowledging his/her existence.
The digital generation seems have developed a new sense that it's ok to ignore someone to his face.

Like when you send a message/questions to someone on okc, he checks your profile (it does notify you) but completely ignore your reasonable message - that's equal to ignoring you to your face. It's exactly like he passed by you and ghosted you even after talking to him.
I am excluding the harassment cases of course.

That's why I always describe women on dating sites as employers - adopting the "only short listed would be contacted" policy, and hey... a lot of employers don't view employees as humans, go figure.

I like it how (based on observation) culturally-Asian girls always respond even if it's a no, that's something it distincts them from others.

I know lost's idea about simply not putting info in your profile so you can be more agreeable doesn't sound sincere, but he's at least being honest about it. I've busted 2 of my friends now for doing this.. They've barely filled their profiles in other than to say they work, they do exercise and have a place. They then message girls and say they like the same things -_-.... and you know what's the worst bit??? It works. Honesty, however much we Aspies value it doesn't seem to pay off.

A lot of guys simply don't answer the questions because the more you answer the less chances you have. It's actually counter productive in many ways because while we are more accepting of alternate views, it doesn't work the other way round. Yes it will match you with more people but those people will turn you away over the most petty things like if you were okay with dating x and x people (even if that means they would date them!). or what kind of popcorn they eat etc. on top of that, if a girl answers a lot of questions it's cute and us guys will read them..if a guy answers too many questions it's seen as us having too much time on our hands.

I had no idea those questions were seen as anything more than arbitrary compatibility numbering. I've never even bothered looking at them when checking someone's profile out.

btw JM, a date isn't success, I got a lot of dates out of okc but they aren't success in my dictionary. A date is a requirement for success (I assume relationship in your case) but it is not by itself.

That's why I always describe women on dating sites as employers - adopting the "only short listed would be contacted" policy, and hey... a lot of employers don't view employees as humans, go figure.

Also, did you miss the fact that I named the "gay son effect" specifically for homophobes?

I used to put in "message me if section", "if you are a liberal. And if you own a gun, we would not get along".
Now I don't have anything but maybe I should put it back in.

You wouldn't get along with Martin Luther King? He packed heat. So did ultra liberal Dennis Kucinich, and even anti-gun Senator Dianne Feinstein used to carry, until the gun rights people pointed out the hypocrisy there, plenty of other liberals too. What exactly does someone's ownership of a gun tell you about them and whether you'd get along? By the same token, what does someone's lack of liberalism tell you about their personality?

It seems a lot of people don't, but like I mentioned in my OP, if you know how to look, you can often tell a lot about people that isn't listed in their profile. The really fun one is to use the "important to them" sort function, which shows you which questions the other person rated as the most important (obviously); STDs, drug use, and weird kinks often pop out that way, or what a lot of people do is construct a "filter" out of some of the science and logic ones to sort out dumb people, or tolerance ones to sort out racists and homophobes. I question the efficacy of this, as between Google and common sense it's pretty easy to avoid the land mines most people use. I enjoy the detective work aspect, but I suspect I'm weird that way.

I had no idea those questions were seen as anything more than arbitrary compatibility numbering. I've never even bothered looking at them when checking someone's profile out.

Your instance was for a anti-gay person to find someone close to them being gay and accepting it. I was asking if the other way around would also work. An anti-homophobe person finding someone they were getting along turned out to be a homophobe.

Personally, I would not go out with a homophobe. Would you?

Oh boy. I was talking about in the context of finding a suitable partner on a dating site.

And if someone has a lifestyle that requires them to carry a gun everyday, I would not go out with them. Even if they were liberal.

I don't like to argue about politics with my partner so why would I go out with someone who doesn't share the same views?

Interacting with people exhausts me a lot and I'd rather be alone than to be with someone whose political beliefs I don't agree with.

You get off on arguing with women so it works for you.

What does whether or not someone owns a gun tell you about them personally?

Do I? I don't recall having said that anywhere, so it must be something coming from you, not me. I like to argue online, and I don't mind friendly debate with people I know, but I would hardly say I "get off" on it, and I'm a little annoyed at the suggestion.

Yep, I'd date racists, homophobes, whatever, I don't judge people solely on the basis of a single opinion they hold, and I'm pretty good at convincing people to drop their prejudices over time. I'd certainly not drop someone who seemed perfect except for holding some view that I found objectionable, I'd much rather see where things went and what kind of person they were rather than making the snap judgment.

And? What does whether or not someone owns a gun tell you about them personally?

Why? Not even a cop or something? Doesn't that strike you as a tad irrational?

Because you're ruling out a lot of people who you might really like based on a fairly superficial criteria? Besides which, who says you have to argue with someone, you can't agree to disagree?

but she probably has tons of other options on OK Cupid if she is attractive so she can afford to be picky that's why she is.

Aside from bumping this (I'm seeing people asking about dating sites in other threads), I wanted to mention that I recently lost my first potential date ever due to politics.

I was IMing with someone and hitting it off pretty well, we even knew a few of the same people on my little island, when she started asking me about politics. I tried to keep it light and only mention the fairly conventional aspects of my beliefs, criminal justice reform, a better voting system, social safety net stuff, etc, when she just point blank asked me about guns, which just happen to be my special interest and sometimes profession. Being honest, I said that I'd actually gone to school as a gunsmith, had worked in the industry, and wasn't particularly fond of gun control generally, which is all usually third date material for me since I don't like people making snap judgments about me, and I was proven right in this case as I immediately got hit with a flurry of anti-gun links and invective, and got dropped like a rock.

Now I've dated women who didn't like guns before, but in every case they've liked me enough to overlook the issue, and if they've spent any length of time with me they've become comfortable around them, if not enthusiastic for them (though it's surprising how many women will come around if taken to the range). I've actually seen a handful of honest to god "come to Jesus" moments when I've been out with a woman and *something* has happened around us that frightened her, and then she's realized that I'm carrying, and further realized that she's comforted by that. BUT, that requires getting past someones "filters" in the first place, which means not putting out everything about me right up front.

Learn from my mistake; don't talk politics with potential dates, only woe lies down that path!