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zacb
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06 Oct 2013, 9:48 am

I was talking with a friend, who is from Indonesia, and she was mentioning how her father threatened to kill her if she left (she was being hit, and could not pray or read the bible). And if she reported, her father said he would kill her family if she told on him. Now to me, I generally stay out of people's business, but for christ sake, she was threatened with murder! So I decided to post on a certain site, and ask their opinion. Some said stay out of it and not to be the "hero". Those comments were a tad annoying, but I could see how they were misconstrued. But the one comment that got me was that one person said the father was in the right for disciplining his daughter. Now I understand that sometimes people need kept in line (even if I disagree with the approach), but for f**k sake, the f*****g bastard threatened to kill her. It is not like I am freaking Indiana Jones flying to the rescue. All I wanted to to is help my friend get out of that situation.

In any case here is my problem. I think men get raped through the laws many times, such as divorce, etc. . I agree with MRA's on that. But then you have this bonehead saying this, and it really makes me question the movement in general. Then you have some (not all feminist) ranting about the inequality of this or that, and that would be fine, but then they use the long arm of the law to make things "equal". So I am kinda stuck. I seriously don't believe I can support either. I was talking with MousePudding (I believe that was her name) , and she seemed pretty reasonable (I don't know all her views, but I got along with her more than even some conservatives XD ) . So do you think I was being a "white knight" or what not, even though it was altruistic, and not for personal gain?



Robdemanc
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06 Oct 2013, 12:24 pm

People often say things like "I will kill you if....", but they don't mean it literally. Also some people will exaggerate what others have said.

Is this really as bad as you think?



zacb
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06 Oct 2013, 12:43 pm

He (the dad) was Muslim, so I would err more on the side of yes. He also hit her and her mom. So I would err on the side of caution. I don't want to be all mr. save someone, but if that is the case, I feel kinda sadden (since she is a friend I care about, albeit not romantically).



GGPViper
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06 Oct 2013, 1:04 pm

zacb wrote:
He (the dad) was Muslim, so I would err more on the side of yes. He also hit her and her mom. So I would err on the side of caution. I don't want to be all mr. save someone, but if that is the case, I feel kinda sadden (since she is a friend I care about, albeit not romantically).

zacb wrote:
I was talking with a friend, who is from Indonesia, and she was mentioning how her father threatened to kill her if she left (she was being hit, and could not pray or read the bible).

So, is she Christian?



zacb
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06 Oct 2013, 2:11 pm

Yes, as is her mom. I just feel bad, and I don't want anything to happen to her. And I have heard some horror stories out of Indonesia, so I worried quite a bit at first. I ended up telling her to go to a Catholic home. I think that is her best option. She is one of the few people I talk to on FB (besides my GF and another friend).



GGPViper
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06 Oct 2013, 2:16 pm

zacb wrote:
Yes, as is her mom. I just feel bad, and I don't want anything to happen to her. And I have heard some horror stories out of Indonesia, so I worried quite a bit at first. I ended up telling her to go to a Catholic home. I think that is her best option. She is one of the few people I talk to on FB (besides my GF and another friend).

In that case, the threats made by her father should probably be considered serious.

Sunni Shariah mandates the death penalty for apostasy (changing one's religion from Islam to another...). Assuming what she said is true, she might be in serious danger.



zacb
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06 Oct 2013, 3:28 pm

That is why I was worried. But this one asshat said that a father had a right to discipline his daughter. Did you just hear wtf I just said? (not you, the guy). That comment has seriously made me reconsider my views on MRA. But then on the other hand, feminist are usually no better. I told her to try and write down what has happened and hide it, as well as try to get to a catholic service place. I was also half tempted to ask the US embassy about it, but I couldn't get through. Under refugee/asylum status, she could probably get out of there and get to someplace she actually wanted to be. The only thing I think makes sense is for her and her mother to run. I told her this, and thus she has to make her decision. I am more pissed off about that one guy than anything else. Yes, women can act bratty when western influence is introduced, but going back to Sharia or Old Testament law!? Makes me a tad pissed and confused.



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06 Oct 2013, 3:53 pm

I think you were behaving like a reasonable human being. He's in Indonesia, so he's not going to be able to do a thing to you; but I'd worry about inadvertently making it worse for the girl. I wouldn't abandon her, but it's a very tricky situation to be giving advice in. If I were you, I'd be very angry at the father, but also feel kind of powerless and very worried.

The asshat who said a man has a right to discipline his daughter has no understanding of the situation (or is just an asshat.) You discipline your daughter if she behaves badly at school, steals something or is rude and disrespectful. Wanting to explore a different religion isn't something you can discipline your daughter for if you're a reasonable person. But the dad is not a reasonable person; he's a strict Muslim. I'm a feminist because of people like him.

The form of feminism that focuses on laws isn't my kind of thing - unless there are clearly horrible laws in place, which isn't the case in the country I live in. I prefer to change people's attitudes so that there's less tolerance of people like that girl's dad.


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zacb
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06 Oct 2013, 6:47 pm

I respect you for that. I myself find it kinda hard not to vote, but more as self defense. I want to get to the place where I do not care about stuff (politics) as much. But since it kinda affects my future at the moment, it is the better of two evils , even if my vote is symbolic (third party or whatnot). That is something I respect on the left, that is, to use non -political and non-violent solutions to things. I wish I could be more convincing, but aspergers does not necessarily help that. So I am going to do the only thing I know to do, that being gathering with like minded people.

As for the girl, I thought about that myself. I don't want her to get in a pinch. To further complicate matters, she is on her last year of mid wife training. She mentioned she would like to go to the UK (I chuckle, because that seem to be a popular place for immigrants, but i would not be caught going there. Priorities :D) to maybe be a midwife. I also mentioned Australia and Sweden have her trade listed as needed trades for immigrants, so I mentioned that to her, but previously. So yeah.

(On another note, what are your thoughts on panarhism? I know you are not exactly an anarchist, but it would be interesting to see your take. )



ruveyn
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06 Oct 2013, 8:53 pm

zacb wrote:
He (the dad) was Muslim, so I would err more on the side of yes. He also hit her and her mom. So I would err on the side of caution. I don't want to be all mr. save someone, but if that is the case, I feel kinda sadden (since she is a friend I care about, albeit not romantically).


Some Muslims are known to be serious about what they say and believe. In the Muslim counties honor killing is endemic.



zacb
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06 Oct 2013, 10:43 pm

It's things like this that make it hard for me to take Islam seriously. I am all for tolerance, but have a hard time when many Muslims do this.