I don't want to learn what's socially acceptable...

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CockneyRebel
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13 Oct 2013, 10:34 pm

Learning those things will useful for you in the future. I've found that I was able to learn those things without pretending to think the same way or like the same things as my peers. The key is to turn the work into a game. You can challenge and time yourself to see how long you can give eye-contact for as an example.


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13 Oct 2013, 11:11 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
The key is to turn the work into a game. You can challenge and time yourself to see how long you can give eye-contact for as an example.
I love that idea. I might use that for the things that challenge me. :)


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14 Oct 2013, 12:35 am

Sedentarian, I am curious. Are you feeling angry or afraid or overwhelmed at the thought of learning these social skills? It can be very overwhelming at times and I know that I have been brought to tears many times because of not "getting it" socially and making mistakes. Sometimes I have even felt very hopeless and like a complete failure like I can never get anything right. It's very hard sometimes but it is worth the effort. But if you are feeling any of these kinds of feelings, these are very valid and real feelings to have and you can certainly talk about them here and we will help you through them.


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hanshotfirst
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14 Oct 2013, 4:45 am

I find it bizarre that you guys know what is socially acceptable as I am not aware I have committed a social crime until someone informs me of it, maybe I am just more oblivious to it. Where do you guys learn this stuff? Do you learn by watching sitcoms and watching how people act?



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14 Oct 2013, 3:10 pm

skibum wrote:
Sedentarian, I am curious. Are you feeling angry or afraid or overwhelmed at the thought of learning these social skills? It can be very overwhelming at times and I know that I have been brought to tears many times because of not "getting it" socially and making mistakes. Sometimes I have even felt very hopeless and like a complete failure like I can never get anything right. It's very hard sometimes but it is worth the effort. But if you are feeling any of these kinds of feelings, these are very valid and real feelings to have and you can certainly talk about them here and we will help you through them.


UsuAlly overwhelmed.



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14 Oct 2013, 3:33 pm

hanshotfirst wrote:
I find it bizarre that you guys know what is socially acceptable as I am not aware I have committed a social crime until someone informs me of it, maybe I am just more oblivious to it. Where do you guys learn this stuff? Do you learn by watching sitcoms and watching how people act?



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skibum
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14 Oct 2013, 8:25 pm

hanshotfirst wrote:
I find it bizarre that you guys know what is socially acceptable as I am not aware I have committed a social crime until someone informs me of it, maybe I am just more oblivious to it. Where do you guys learn this stuff? Do you learn by watching sitcoms and watching how people act?
I am still learning and I make plenty of mistakes. But fortunately I have people in my life who love me and gently and lovingly tell me if I have done or said something socially wrong. But I don't always get it right. Sometimes I don't think I get it right at all. :D My parents were very good with making sure we learned proper manners and things like that as well.


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14 Oct 2013, 8:30 pm

Sedentarian wrote:
skibum wrote:
Sedentarian, I am curious. Are you feeling angry or afraid or overwhelmed at the thought of learning these social skills? It can be very overwhelming at times and I know that I have been brought to tears many times because of not "getting it" socially and making mistakes. Sometimes I have even felt very hopeless and like a complete failure like I can never get anything right. It's very hard sometimes but it is worth the effort. But if you are feeling any of these kinds of feelings, these are very valid and real feelings to have and you can certainly talk about them here and we will help you through them.


UsuAlly overwhelmed.
I completely understand. And that can certainly make you not want to learn them. Sometimes if we try to tackle too much at a time it's a lot harder. And I know for me, sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try I just don't get it. But I have really good people in my life who love me and are willing to help me learn even if I make tons of mistakes and that makes all the difference. It makes it a lot easier when you have a friend to help you with it.

If it could be less overwhelming for you do you think you might like to learn? I for one would be very happy to help you as much as I can and I am sure others here would be happy to as well.


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15 Oct 2013, 4:02 pm

skibum wrote:
Sedentarian wrote:
skibum wrote:
Sedentarian, I am curious. Are you feeling angry or afraid or overwhelmed at the thought of learning these social skills? It can be very overwhelming at times and I know that I have been brought to tears many times because of not "getting it" socially and making mistakes. Sometimes I have even felt very hopeless and like a complete failure like I can never get anything right. It's very hard sometimes but it is worth the effort. But if you are feeling any of these kinds of feelings, these are very valid and real feelings to have and you can certainly talk about them here and we will help you through them.


UsuAlly overwhelmed.
I completely understand. And that can certainly make you not want to learn them. Sometimes if we try to tackle too much at a time it's a lot harder. And I know for me, sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try I just don't get it. But I have really good people in my life who love me and are willing to help me learn even if I make tons of mistakes and that makes all the difference. It makes it a lot easier when you have a friend to help you with it.

If it could be less overwhelming for you do you think you might like to learn? I for one would be very happy to help you as much as I can and I am sure others here would be happy to as well.


What makes it so overwhelming is how complicated it seems. If someone puts it in a bunch of simple steps, it would be much easier. It is too complicated and confusing for me to get it.



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15 Oct 2013, 10:02 pm

Sedentarian wrote:
skibum wrote:
Sedentarian wrote:
skibum wrote:
Sedentarian, I am curious. Are you feeling angry or afraid or overwhelmed at the thought of learning these social skills? It can be very overwhelming at times and I know that I have been brought to tears many times because of not "getting it" socially and making mistakes. Sometimes I have even felt very hopeless and like a complete failure like I can never get anything right. It's very hard sometimes but it is worth the effort. But if you are feeling any of these kinds of feelings, these are very valid and real feelings to have and you can certainly talk about them here and we will help you through them.


UsuAlly overwhelmed.
I completely understand. And that can certainly make you not want to learn them. Sometimes if we try to tackle too much at a time it's a lot harder. And I know for me, sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try I just don't get it. But I have really good people in my life who love me and are willing to help me learn even if I make tons of mistakes and that makes all the difference. It makes it a lot easier when you have a friend to help you with it.

If it could be less overwhelming for you do you think you might like to learn? I for one would be very happy to help you as much as I can and I am sure others here would be happy to as well.


What makes it so overwhelming is how complicated it seems. If someone puts it in a bunch of simple steps, it would be much easier. It is too complicated and confusing for me to get it.
I agree 100% with that. Sometimes we need to just really break it down and then taking baby steps one at a time and before you know it you've got it down. Works like that with a difficult ski drill too. :D

Would you like to pick one thing that you would like to work on? I will do my best to help you with it. It's easier if you just work on one at a time rather than several at once. If you would like to choose one skill we could try to come up with simple steps that can make it easier for you. That would be fun and I would be really excited for you if it could help you out. And that could end up helping a lot of other people too.


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15 Oct 2013, 11:58 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
Learning those things will useful for you in the future. I've found that I was able to learn those things without pretending to think the same way or like the same things as my peers. The key is to turn the work into a game. You can challenge and time yourself to see how long you can give eye-contact for as an example.


Good point. It can be a "game" in a different sense, too--if you learn how to "pass" without "losing yourself" (and that is completely possible), it becomes a "game" of "How well can I fool everyone?" :lol: Learning to think that way has helped me quite a bit.

Sedentarian wrote:
What makes it so overwhelming is how complicated it seems. If someone puts it in a bunch of simple steps, it would be much easier. It is too complicated and confusing for me to get it.


Yes, it is complicated, due to all of the "unspoken" rules that govern so much of what is "socially acceptable." That always drove me nuts. When I was younger, I wondered if I just thought too much about such things that others seemed to "get" and "take for granted" right away. Now I realize that I just literally did not "get it."


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16 Oct 2013, 12:09 am

The big reason I don't like learning the social norms is not because of what they are but because nobody is willing to just stop and just tell me how to do it and tell me what I am doing wrong at the moment I do something wrong. Some feedback in a social situation would really help us a lot. Of course that will never happen because NT's are just phucking a$$holes when it comes to it.



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16 Oct 2013, 12:22 am

Yeah, the immediate feedback helps a lot. Most people are too insecure to give it though. Or they assume that we should know certain things and don't realize that we don't. I am really lucky that I have someone who understands that I really don't know things and who is always very loving and very patient with me and is willing to explain anything to me and let me know if I have done something inappropriate. But it is very hard sometimes because it is few and far between to find people who are that understanding and that generous. But I know that for me if I did not have this person to help me life would be so much more stressful. I get embarrassed sometimes and stressed when I make social mistakes and sometimes it is really hard for me to get over it if I was really inappropriate or rude or if I hurt someone without realizing it. I have cried many times about some to the mistakes I have made. But it makes it so much better when someone is willing to teach me and help me especially if they are really loving and gentle and patient with me.


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