I don't want to learn what's socially acceptable...

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Sedentarian
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13 Oct 2013, 12:05 pm

...and I don't care. When anyone says what I do is weird or that people don't think that's normal, or that it's rude to say things like that, etc. I simply don't care. I don't know why, but I don't want to learn what is socially acceptable. I do want to learn what metaphors mean so I don't take them literally, and I am making progress on that. But the social part I don't care about. I don't want to learn to make eye contact, and I don't want to learn about tones of voice, word choice, body language, or facial expression. Anyone else experiencing this? Thanks!


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lelia
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13 Oct 2013, 12:19 pm

Everybody has to learn what is socially acceptable, autistic, down's syndrome, ADHD, neurotypical etc. All of us, except those living in a self-sufficient home in the wilderness as a hermit, have to learn how to get along with each other.



BornThisWay
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13 Oct 2013, 12:22 pm

The reason for learning these things is that they might make things easier for you in getting what you want, not just in social situations. Then again, a lot of training and therapy seems geared to making other people more comfortable with you. If you are not socially uncomfortable, that is ok for you; just understand that you are probably making others uncomfortable, and that can have a negative impact on what you get to do in life. It can be very limiting if you decide not to learn these things.

It really is just a balancing act. (that is a metaphor!) You have to weigh your feelings, desires and actions against those of others. If they 'hold the keys' to you achieving a goal you desire, then it makes sense to meet their demands. You do not have to care or want to do things in order to do them...you just go through the motions and learn, or learn about how things are done - and you practice it...and then other people often become more cooperative with what you DO want.



Last edited by BornThisWay on 13 Oct 2013, 12:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

redrobin62
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13 Oct 2013, 12:39 pm

<--- Wishes he had a self-sufficient home in the wilderness and lived as a hermit.



Thelibrarian
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13 Oct 2013, 12:43 pm

I live about as close to having a self-sufficient home and a hermit lifestyle as it is possible to achieve in the modern world, and I still wish I had a better understanding of what is socially acceptable. It's good to know what those standards are even if we should choose not to follow them.



bumble
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13 Oct 2013, 1:10 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
<--- Wishes he had a self-sufficient home in the wilderness and lived as a hermit.


Seconds this but can I still be a hermit if I had a life companion join me? Can we have two self sufficient homes and live separately but close by to each other or have I just created a small community?



Last edited by bumble on 13 Oct 2013, 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BornThisWay
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13 Oct 2013, 1:22 pm

Bumble, you might not have noticed, but the OP is 12 years old.



bumble
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13 Oct 2013, 1:23 pm

BornThisWay wrote:
Bumble, you might not have noticed, but the OP is 12 years old.


No I hadn't.

Will edit.



Willard
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13 Oct 2013, 2:44 pm

bumble wrote:
redrobin62 wrote:
<--- Wishes he had a self-sufficient home in the wilderness and lived as a hermit.


Seconds this but can I still be a hermit if I had a life companion join me? Can we have two self sufficient homes and live separately but close by to each other or have I just created a small community?



I second that emotion. :D Voila! Utopia.


@Sedentarian: It is unpleasant to have such conventions shoved down your throat, and forced on you. :evil: However, they are things you need to know, just for survival's sake and sometimes that knowledge and a little skill can be very advantageous.

Just because you know what's socially expected doesn't mean you always have to strictly abide by those rules - sometimes I enjoy deliberately violating a social taboo just to relish the uncomfortable looks on the shocked NT faces. :wink: It's a hoot.

On the other hand, sometimes it's best to follow the rules so you don't get punched or arrested. :lol:



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13 Oct 2013, 3:25 pm

Nobody (including NTs) wants to have to learn what is socially acceptable.

Willard wrote:
On the other hand, sometimes it's best to follow the rules so you don't get punched or arrested. :lol:


This is why we all have to.



skibum
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13 Oct 2013, 6:43 pm

Sedentarian, keep in mind that learning these skills does not mean that you are no longer you. You are still the same person but with a a valuable skill set that you can choose to use to help yourself and to help others whenever you wish. You will always be you and you will always be special, a unique individual who is to be loved and valued for who you are. But learning as many skills as possible is a very good because they will be a great help in navigating many paths in life now and later.


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fleurdelily
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13 Oct 2013, 6:45 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
<--- Wishes he had a self-sufficient home in the wilderness and lived as a hermit.



me too..... we could be neighbors --- no closer than 5 miles though :wink:
we'd be good neighbors, we'd never have to speak to each other and we'd both be ok with that


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13 Oct 2013, 7:11 pm

I do, im tired of going on Wrong Planet and sitting on my ass all day. Honestly, i dont wanna feel like s**t all the time, i wanna get outside and actually do something with my life. I dont want people to hate me because I dont wanna be like the "neurotypical" F that label, I can be whatever I want.



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13 Oct 2013, 8:29 pm

Possibly there's no need to learn everything in absolute detail, just enough to make life more comfortable and to get by.

I myself find learning the things I don't care about hard and mentally draining, it can often get me down as I can't understand it properly. As long it's not breaking laws and not causing unwanted distress untoward others then it should be all good.


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13 Oct 2013, 8:55 pm

Sedentarian wrote:
...and I don't care. When anyone says what I do is weird or that people don't think that's normal, or that it's rude to say things like that, etc. I simply don't care. I don't know why, but I don't want to learn what is socially acceptable. I do want to learn what metaphors mean so I don't take them literally, and I am making progress on that. But the social part I don't care about. I don't want to learn to make eye contact, and I don't want to learn about tones of voice, word choice, body language, or facial expression. Anyone else experiencing this? Thanks!


Well you're 12 so I will go easy on you instead of being harsh.

Everyone, even NTs, have to learn what is socially acceptable.

Learning skills will make your life easier and it will be less frustrating and have less misunderstandings and you will get along better with people.

It's not fun thinking someone is mad at you when they are not because you mistook their tone for them being mad at you because they raised their voice or thinking someone is criticizing you when they are not or even thinking someone thinks you said something because you unintentionally implied it so you end up with that misunderstanding and then you are upset they took what you said the wrong way. Or how about embarrassing yourself because you thought someone was talking to you and it turns out they were on the phone or there was another person in the room so they were talking to them, not you. If you look first when you hear someone speak, you would know they are not talking to you if they are not looking at you or you talk to someone and they ignore you because they don't know you are talking to them due to you not looking at them. This isn't changing who you are when you learn these skills.

If you still enjoy Legos or action figures, even at age 15, you don't need to stop playing them. Same as for watching kid shows. I don't think everyone needs to follow every single what is socially acceptable but when it comes to learning tone or body language, etc. then you should learn it. It will help you down the road and you will be able to get a job and be able to work.


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LastSanityJermaine
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13 Oct 2013, 9:24 pm

I hate the word socially acceptable because it always changes its meaning