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JSBACHlover
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20 Oct 2013, 1:50 pm

I just told my family that I have mild Aspergers and they all think I'm full of it and/or just a hypochondriac and/or want attention. So now I'm afraid to broach the subject with them because they'll think I'm really stranger than I already am. Anyone else have an experience like this with their families? All I want is for my family to validate me and accept me.



redrobin62
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20 Oct 2013, 1:59 pm

Members of my family don't believe I'm on the spectrum, either. So far, I've had one licensed clinical psychologist say I am. I just had another eval recently. I doubt that even with a second positive opinion they still won't believe it because I don't look or act like Rain Man, the common barometer for those on the spectrum. As a matter of fact, people think everyone on the spectrum is non-verbal and can't take care of themselves. I just avoid my family. I'm pretty good at that anyway. Less stressful.



JSBACHlover
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20 Oct 2013, 2:06 pm

Lol that's funny, sort of. I tried to tell my mom about my hyper-introverted experiences as a child and all she told me was that I was so good and liked blocks. My two sisters told me that just because I'm weird doesn't make me Aspergers.

I think our families have become so used to us that they don't catch how odd we are. But it pisses me off to no end. That to me borders on child neglect. I'm like, how did you not notice I never played with other kids and played the same song on the record player 100 times in a row??



Willard
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20 Oct 2013, 2:54 pm

My Mother looked at me like I was crazy when I told her I was going to be evaluated for High Functioning Autism. Then she read up on it online and by the time the Psychologist had officially diagnosed me, she had had the same revelation I had when I first read descriptions of AS - that it described me so well it could have been a psyche profile based on me.

Still, it was frustrating - she originally would say things like "But so-and-so was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and they won't even answer the phone," to which I had to remind her "Hellooo - why do you think you always get the answering machine when you call me?" :roll:



franknfurter
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20 Oct 2013, 3:05 pm

my parents did not believe me until recently when they saw how difficult I was finding university.



JSBACHlover
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20 Oct 2013, 3:23 pm

"Still, it was frustrating - she originally would say things like "But so-and-so was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and they won't even answer the phone," to which I had to remind her "Hellooo - why do you think you always get the answering machine when you call me?" Rolling Eyes"

LMFAO. Sooooooo true. Actually, come to think of it, one of my sisters told me that Aspies have to be taught social cues so I didn't have it -- then I told her, "How many times have you told me not to do X, Y, Z in public and I told you someone had to tell me?"

Geez. NTs are so unobservant. I think they're the weird ones.



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20 Oct 2013, 3:52 pm

if you don't mind me asking how old are you?


you could go to the doctors yourself and see if you can be tested, your family should not be able to argue with an actual diagnosis



JSBACHlover
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20 Oct 2013, 3:59 pm

I'm 44. I have a diagnosis.



JSBACHlover
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20 Oct 2013, 4:02 pm

I fact, I fought the diagnosis by taking all those on-line tests, and no matter what I did (NT-ing my answers) I kept coming up Aspie. So I finally accepted it. After a week of being depressed I realized that this was something of a blessing, because I could now begin to learn how to interact better....



franknfurter
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20 Oct 2013, 4:14 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
I fact, I fought the diagnosis by taking all those on-line tests, and no matter what I did (NT-ing my answers) I kept coming up Aspie. So I finally accepted it. After a week of being depressed I realized that this was something of a blessing, because I could now begin to learn how to interact better....



wow, that changes things, its very unfair of your family to still deny it, especially after you have been diagnosed. I have not been diagnosed but like you I kept doing those tests and whatever I do I seem to come up into the aspie area as well. do your family know a lot about Asperger's, maybe if they saw what it entails they might be able to see where you are coming from. yeah that's what I want to do, mostly for me its so I know my limits, university was really an eye opener for me in terms of what I can and can't cope with.



JSBACHlover
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20 Oct 2013, 4:25 pm

I know there are a lot of Aspie "wanna-be's" out there, so I get your original question. Frankly, I thought it was cool, too, until I realized it was true. Then I realized that my self-image and others' perception of me did not accord; and I got super-depressed. I'm actually still depressed and trying to copy the way others act; but then again I've been trying to do that for years, with limited success.

Since the age of 25 I've worked hard on looking non-nerdy. I've lifted weights for years to undo some of my awkwardness (though I've needed a trainer because I have no clue where or what my body is doing). I'm still awkward, but not as amazingly so as I was 20 years ago. So I think my family has simply forgotten what I used to be.

I have miles to go. I walk like a duck, have strange facial expressions (which I am learning to deaden), hate hate hate hate small-talk, and I need hours of alone time each day so I can think straight. But my family doesn't observe that.

Are you doing better in university? What's up?



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20 Oct 2013, 4:37 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
I know there are a lot of Aspie "wanna-be's" out there, so I get your original question. Frankly, I thought it was cool, too, until I realized it was true. Then I realized that my self-image and others' perception of me did not accord; and I got super-depressed. I'm actually still depressed and trying to copy the way others act; but then again I've been trying to do that for years, with limited success.

Since the age of 25 I've worked hard on looking non-nerdy. I've lifted weights for years to undo some of my awkwardness (though I've needed a trainer because I have no clue where or what my body is doing). I'm still awkward, but not as amazingly so as I was 20 years ago. So I think my family has simply forgotten what I used to be.

I have miles to go. I walk like a duck, have strange facial expressions (which I am learning to deaden), hate hate hate hate small-talk, and I need hours of alone time each day so I can think straight. But my family doesn't observe that.

Are you doing better in university? What's up?


Are you really a Catholic priest? Not that I think you would lie, you just sound kind of cool and human. When I was a kid I was always in awe of our priests. We did have one though Fr Rock who used to come play poker at our house on Fridays. He was fun. We were taught to be so in awe of them though it's hard to remember sometimes they can too have such problems as Aspergers. :) Anyway, welcome to WP!



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20 Oct 2013, 4:39 pm

PS - I don't know if "wanna-be" is the correct term, but I think I get what you meant. For me it's more like, Pretty Sure I Am, Like Myself Anyway, Trying to Make the Best of It!



JSBACHlover
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20 Oct 2013, 4:47 pm

Yes, I am a Catholic priest. Odd, isn't it, for an Aspie to be in a people profession? But I felt called by God to be a priest. I hoped I could teach in the seminary, and maybe I will someday. But for the past 5 years since I've been ordained I've been an associate pastor, trying to comfort the dying, burying people, marrying people, and so on. I am good at it. I focus and I have learned scripts to say, you know? I do care, but I also hit a wall internally. I turn down almost every social engagement I can. I usually spend about 4 hours a day decompressing in my room in the dark. My brother NT priests think I'm brilliant but strange. Being with them saddens me. I feel alone.

I love saying mass -- no anxiety -- I'm a very good preacher -- maybe I like the control? I'm very good at understanding God things. But standing outside the church after mass and greeting people and remembering names hurts my head and eyes. Funny, funny, funny!

So if you have any other questions I am here for you.



wozeree
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20 Oct 2013, 5:00 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
Yes, I am a Catholic priest. Odd, isn't it, for an Aspie to be in a people profession? But I felt called by God to be a priest. I hoped I could teach in the seminary, and maybe I will someday. But for the past 5 years since I've been ordained I've been an associate pastor, trying to comfort the dying, burying people, marrying people, and so on. I am good at it. I focus and I have learned scripts to say, you know? I do care, but I also hit a wall internally. I turn down almost every social engagement I can. I usually spend about 4 hours a day decompressing in my room in the dark. My brother NT priests think I'm brilliant but strange. Being with them saddens me. I feel alone.

I love saying mass -- no anxiety -- I'm a very good preacher -- maybe I like the control? I'm very good at understanding God things. But standing outside the church after mass and greeting people and remembering names hurts my head and eyes. Funny, funny, funny!

So if you have any other questions I am here for you.


Wow - I do remember that most of the priests I knew were social by nature - they would eat our houses, etc. I always thought of it as being a perk of the job (or maybe a necessity considering they were not rich (our priests were Franciscans and took a vow of poverty)).

You sound like a great priest though - it doesn't matter if you aren't that social. I can imagine about that wall, it has to be difficult for someone who doesn't have autism, much less someone who does. So much pain and so much need to deal with.

Quote:
Being with them saddens me. I feel alone.
The curse of aspiness!

I'm an atheist now, but I get angry when people say religion is evil, I remember fondly the nuns and priests from my childhood. Nothing evil about them, very giving and comforting, many of them. And smart!



franknfurter
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20 Oct 2013, 5:02 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
I know there are a lot of Aspie "wanna-be's" out there, so I get your original question. Frankly, I thought it was cool, too, until I realized it was true. Then I realized that my self-image and others' perception of me did not accord; and I got super-depressed. I'm actually still depressed and trying to copy the way others act; but then again I've been trying to do that for years, with limited success.

Since the age of 25 I've worked hard on looking non-nerdy. I've lifted weights for years to undo some of my awkwardness (though I've needed a trainer because I have no clue where or what my body is doing). I'm still awkward, but not as amazingly so as I was 20 years ago. So I think my family has simply forgotten what I used to be.

I have miles to go. I walk like a duck, have strange facial expressions (which I am learning to deaden), hate hate hate hate small-talk, and I need hours of alone time each day so I can think straight. But my family doesn't observe that.

Are you doing better in university? What's up?


hmm I am told I walk like a giraffe, I have not really tried to work on my awkwardness, I am told I look aloof but I am not sure how that effects things. small talk is something I don't mind much, I do need a lot of time alone which university proved to be a problem with.

must have been difficult to work on your awkwardness because I don't know about you but I don't see where I am awkward, have you needed people telling you what's different so you can work on it?

I have quit university and gone back home as of yesterday. I was not coping at all, I felt angry and violent all the time and I did not want to look at people or talk to people at all, i kept getting awful mood swings that scared me. I think it was the amount of change that did it and the lack of structure.

I am now at home which I am so relieved by and am going to start an open university course in health sciences so its all ok.