Your situation is all too familiar to me. Same issues here. Yea, the communication issue is a big one. Usualy, I'm at fault. I have things in my head and I often assume that others are thinking the same as I am. The problem is that they aren't the same as me. I am always hearing complaints that I assume too much and don't explain myself enough. I also don't listen to what my SO is saying a lot of the time, because my mind is busy working on something else that I think is more important. I wish that I could offer you some helpful hints on how to deal with these things, but in our household it's something that we just live with. Usually my SO will repeat things and then ask if I REALLY heard her and make me repeat it all back. Familiar huh?
We each have our own separate dens in the house and this is a good thing, as it provides a place where each of us can go for needed alone time - especially me! This really seems to help in avoiding meltdowns. After 16 years she has only had to endure 3-4 of mine. The personal retreat space really seems to help and it is something that I strongly recommend. Unfortunately, I am still plagued with feelings of inferiority and inadequacy because of the meltdowns and this causes me to withdraw for weeks or months (I was "gone" for 3 years once). After all of these years I guess it isn't likely to change either. We are what we are and sometime that can change with a lot of effort and sometimes it can't.
The good news is that a couple can survive and have a relationship, but it does take work. I am fortunate to have a SO who must be an angel to put up with me!
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"A man needs a little madness...or else...he never dares cut the rope and be free."
Nikos Kazantzakis, ZORBA THE GREEK
Some of us just have a little more madness than others!