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beneficii
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11 Nov 2013, 3:45 am

I keep reading about how strong people always keep silent about their pain, love with all their heart, and will happily martyr themselves. I've never been like that, and I notice that the intensity of my pain is such I could not bear to exercise such strength. I've always been one to scream and yell when in pain, and even to lash out at times.

I remember as a kid when my sister's friend began throwing rocks at me out of the blue. I went into meltdown mode, which got me into trouble. My dad explain to me afterward that it was me and not my sister's friend who would get into trouble, because of my bad reaction. My sister's friend would get off. My dad would explain recently that when my sister did things to hurt me she would get off because what she did sent me into meltdown mode, causing me to be the one to get in trouble.

I wonder if I'm just going to see this play out over and over.



Jensen
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11 Nov 2013, 4:12 am

beneficii wrote:
I keep reading about how strong people always keep silent about their pain, love with all their heart, and will happily martyr themselves.
Don´t fall for the clihé!
Quote:
I remember as a kid when my sister's friend began throwing rocks at me out of the blue. I went into meltdown mode, which got me into trouble. My dad explain to me afterward that it was me and not my sister's friend who would get into trouble, because of my bad reaction.
He was trying to explain to you the way of the world. However, that wouldn´t have helped your meltdowns. He didn´t understand that.
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My dad would explain recently that when my sister did things to hurt me she would get off because what she did sent me into meltdown mode, causing me to be the one to get in trouble.
Honestly, he should have talked some manners into your sister. He didn´t do her any favour either, allowing her to be a bully.

Quote:
I wonder if I'm just going to see this play out over and over.

Try looking up social training systems for aspies. Maybe there are some tutering somewhere.
There are lots of stuff on youtube. Try watching Tony Attwood. ("autism hangout" and "Ask doctor Tony"). Maybe you could participate in a group locally.
You need strategies.


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11 Nov 2013, 4:18 am

beneficii wrote:
I keep reading about how strong people always keep silent about their pain, love with all their heart, and will happily martyr themselves. I've never been like that, and I notice that the intensity of my pain is such I could not bear to exercise such strength. I've always been one to scream and yell when in pain, and even to lash out at times.

I remember as a kid when my sister's friend began throwing rocks at me out of the blue. I went into meltdown mode, which got me into trouble. My dad explain to me afterward that it was me and not my sister's friend who would get into trouble, because of my bad reaction. My sister's friend would get off. My dad would explain recently that when my sister did things to hurt me she would get off because what she did sent me into meltdown mode, causing me to be the one to get in trouble.

I wonder if I'm just going to see this play out over and over.


I've had very similar experiences. And am still having such experiences.



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11 Nov 2013, 4:22 am

I am hypersensitive, so I tend to feel pain intensely.

Over the years I have gotten better at putting up with it but, still intense pain drives me nuts. Bass music can make my ears sting and give me bad headaches. Other sensory triggers have strong affects on me and can be very painful. When I was young I had meltdowns from sensory issues. I still sometimes have to try to avoid meltdowns with sensory overloads from other peoples' regular activities when I am tired and can't just easily ride it out. Things like loud music, partying, hollering and bickering, cigarette smoke, strong cooking odors especially greasy stuff, paint fumes.

If I didn't have sensory issues it would be a whole lot easier to be tough.



bikehard_12
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11 Nov 2013, 4:29 am

stabilator wrote:
If I didn't have sensory issues it would be a whole lot easier to be tough.


The grass is always greener, as they say.


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felinesaresuperior
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11 Nov 2013, 4:39 am

are you talking about physical pain or emotional, or both?
i think we're more sensitive to both. i know i am. i had to get a blood test and tensed and made a bit deal out of it. i cant sit still when in pain. most aspies are super sensitive to pain, which doesnt make life any easier. and numb to some other types of pain. like i barely felt it when my head bounced off the sidewalk when i tried to learn to ride a bike. then again, some aspies are mostly numb to most pain. out perception of pain is different than most people.
no, it doesnt make you weak. we are emotional, sensitive, impulsive, not weak. if you lash out when in pain, that means impulsivness, not weakness.



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11 Nov 2013, 4:54 am

bikehard_12 wrote:
stabilator wrote:
If I didn't have sensory issues it would be a whole lot easier to be tough.


The grass is always greener, as they say.


I don't really get why you said that. Are you saying I am imagining that my sensory issues are difficult to bear? I have intense headaches from stimuli that most people I know think is very slight. Many people I know love going to loud concerts and being in places with lots of smokers smoking.



bikehard_12
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11 Nov 2013, 5:06 am

stabilator wrote:
I don't really get why you said that. Are you saying I am imagining that my sensory issues are difficult to bear? I have intense headaches from stimuli that most people I know think is very slight. Many people I know love going to loud concerts and being in places with lots of smokers smoking.


I'm not saying that it's all in your head, I don't and can't know what you have to cope with. But that's just the thing; each and every one of us has our own problems and obstacles that make life difficult in one aspect or another. Saying it would be easier if it all went away is futile; life is tough get used to it and do what you can, cope in some way or another or don't, but don't reinforce the negativity.


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beneficii
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11 Nov 2013, 9:25 am

felinesaresuperior wrote:
are you talking about physical pain or emotional, or both?
i think we're more sensitive to both. i know i am. i had to get a blood test and tensed and made a bit deal out of it. i cant sit still when in pain. most aspies are super sensitive to pain, which doesnt make life any easier. and numb to some other types of pain. like i barely felt it when my head bounced off the sidewalk when i tried to learn to ride a bike. then again, some aspies are mostly numb to most pain. out perception of pain is different than most people.
no, it doesnt make you weak. we are emotional, sensitive, impulsive, not weak. if you lash out when in pain, that means impulsivness, not weakness.


Emotional pain from gender dysphoria, namely that relating around my genitals. I need sex reassignment surgery, but I haven't the money, my employer's health plan doesn't cover it, and I'm in a state (U.S.) where there's no conceivable way to get it through public assistance. Until this situation changes, I think the gender dysphoria will continue to come and go in waves.



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11 Nov 2013, 4:14 pm

I am very weak emotionally. I have shut downs in school frequently. I don't even try in my school work anymore. It's just too stressful. I'd rather not worry about and I'll get an A anyway. I also broke up with a long-time girlfriend, so I'm still a little depressed about that too.

It happens to everyone I guess. It's usually different about this to everyone, but in reality, we are weak.


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beneficii
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12 Nov 2013, 1:24 am

I went to a career transition group today which went fairly well. I got recommended to a company, which might be a better utilization of my skills and lead to better pay; the only thing is, as far as I can tell, this company does not cover sex reassignment surgery and looks not to do that anytime soon.

I'm like, OK.

I came home, my thinking became negative. I read this post-op trans woman online who was complaining about pre-ops misunderstanding post-ops, and I'm over here thinking, Perhaps that's because pre-ops can't know what being a post-op is like. The person doth protest too much.

I went to sleep, feeling absolutely horrible.

When I got up, I felt somewhat better.

Maybe using up a lot of spoons makes affect regulation difficult for me? That's something to keep in mind.



skibum
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12 Nov 2013, 7:40 am

beneficii wrote:

Maybe using up a lot of spoons makes affect regulation difficult for me? That's something to keep in mind.
I don't understand this part. What does this mean?


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skibum
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12 Nov 2013, 7:41 am

I do much better with physical pain than emotional pain. I am very very sensitive to emotional pain but have a bit more tolerance for the physical.


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beneficii
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12 Nov 2013, 1:13 pm

skibum wrote:
beneficii wrote:

Maybe using up a lot of spoons makes affect regulation difficult for me? That's something to keep in mind.
I don't understand this part. What does this mean?


Spoons basically mean energy. As an autistic person, you usually use up more energy in social situations than NT people. Apparently, when my energy is spent, my affect regulation, my ability to manage my emotions, plummets.

It seems to be something to keep in mind.