Do Women Want To Be Hit On? - by Swinggcat

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Do Women Want To Be Hit On?
by Swinggcat

I've got a question for you: Do women enjoy being hit on - or do they loathe it? If YOU know in your heart-of-hearts women enjoy it - maybe even love it - you're well on your way to experiencing massive success with da ladies.

If you've got the belief, though, that women find men hitting on them more annoying than nails against a chalk board you're in big trouble. But DON'T worry, my friend, because you're in the same position most men are.

Many a man believes women hate to be hit on - and rightfully so. If you, for example, frequent the bar or club scene you've probably overheard groups of women yapping away about how they fear and loath men hitting on them. But if this were so, women would wear shower curtains to bars and nightclubs. But they don't. They wear skimpy little outfits to maximize the amount of male attention they get.

I'm gonna return to this train of thought in a moment. But before I do, I want to shed some serious light on why believing women don't like to be hit on is akin to sentencing your penis to life in prison with no chance of parole. No hope of him ever vacationing in that warm, cuddly place he enjoys dancing into the wee hours of the morning to that old Digital Underground song "Do The Humpty Hump." The only love he's gonna get is from Bubba's nether regions.

Having this belief will cause a man to fear and loath hitting on women. He'll, for example, think to himself: "If I approach a woman she'll see me as an insidious little vermin she wants shunted from her reality."

If he does get up the gall to approach a woman, he's gonna have scrawled across his forehead in permanent red ink: "I'm so scared you'll reject me, I'm about to poop my pants."

This will communicate to her, he's a consummate gimp. Women feel no attraction for gimps. They feel attraction toward men who are a Prize they've gotta win over.

Okay. I think I've convinced you of how wretched this belief is. How it will pound any future opportunities with beautiful women into jelly.

But you might be having second thoughts. Maybe you're not fully convinced. So I'm gonna rewind and go back to my original train of thought: "The belief that women don't like to be hit on is crap." If this belief ever crossed paths with the Food & Drug Administration they'd stamp it with an official FDA seal saying: "100% Certified B.S."

Why do you think women spend so much time - sometimes hours - primping and preening themselves to go out to nightclubs and bars? Because they want to be hit on.

There's a school of thought, though, that says: "Women don't dress up for men; they do it for other women."

I think there's a grain of truth here but what this means is that women dress up to compete with other women for male attention. For male validation. In other words, one of the reasons women put time into primping and preening themselves is to compete for who gets hit on the most by men.

Many a woman will never explicitly admit she enjoys men hitting on her. If she did, she'd risk other women perceiving her as being at the top of the Slut-O-Meter. Or, even worse, people thinking she's a power hungry rhymes-with-witch. Wanting to be hit on is one of women's dirty little secrets.

Think of those stupid, gossip magazines - such as, Enquire and Star. Almost everyone talks about how stupid these publications are and claims to have never picked one up. This is B.S.

If most people didn't read them, their circulation wouldn't be so widespread.

The lurid reality is this: Most of us can't wait to get our dirty little paws all over these magazines while standing in line at the supermarket. A lot of us have too much pride to admit it. But almost all of us get picked up by our lapels and sucked into the contents of these papers.

Same holds true with women. Most women claim, they hate when guys hit on them. But most women love it. They can't get enough of it. But they'll never admit it. It's their dirty little secret.

When you make no apologies for hitting on a woman and convey the belief that by YOU hitting on her you're doing her a favor, it lets her know she's dealing with a real man who's a Prize she has to win over.

If YOU believe women want and love to be hit on, you're half way to massive success with women. All you've gotta do is learn the right way to hit on women.

You could go out and experiment. And if you're willing to put in a lot of work, you probably will become successful with women. But it's going to be a lot of work.

Or you could take the shortcut by cracking open my brain and hijacking all of my secrets that took me years of hard work and experimenting to discover. In just a few minutes YOU could start mastering these secrets, allowing you to leap over years of hard work and start experiencing the success you want to have with women.

You're still gonna have to put in some work. But truckloads less than if you didn't have these secrets. I wish I had access to this info when I was starting out. Click here to get your hands on the tools you need to start living your dream life with women.

Swinggcat

I'm glad you said most women. Frankly, if men talk to me or worse, touch me (even my arm), I will freeze, then abruptly leave. It doesn't matter what I am doing, I will leave. I am completely freaked out by a stranger talking to me and even more so if they touch me. It doesn't matter where I am - a library or a bar. That's the way I am and always have been.

I can't speak for NT women. I guess this could be true of them. I just think you should be careful who you do this to.

One other thing...men who hit on me when I was single frequently met the wrong end of one of my brother's fists. In college, I had male friends who filled that role. Now, it's my husband. If you even looked at me, I would never notice, but my husband (who is 6'4" and 225 lbs) would get in your face and say, "Do you mind NOT looking at my wife?" I know this from experience. That's about the time I realize someone is trying to hit on me.

So you might want to take that advice with a grain of salt or make sure the woman isn't like me.

[most] Women like being hit on- but only by attractive men.

I think you should have a little talk with your husband. Being that aggressive isn't good for his long term survival per say... I can understand being defensive, but escalating to a verbal confrontation that quickly is just asking for trouble.

very true , I noticed that when a girl is hit on by an attractive man she feels happy and enjoy and she might respond by a smile .

but if she s hit on by an unattractive guy this same girl becomes furious .

(i am talking here about most cases)

I generally agree.

Oh and and its true they only like to be hit on my an 'attractive' guy, but what makes guys attractive is not necesarilly classic good looks. As the OP says, if you convey confidence then the woman knows she is dealing with someone who can be a prize etc etc. So attractiveness means someone who's confident etc. Women are suckers for confidence....
You can be totally ugly, but as long as you are well groomed and put on some trendy clothes and be totally confident, then women will flock to you.... (once they are there though, you have to be able to have a conversation with them.. and close the deal...hmmm difficult, that one)

Attractive man hitting on a women: Flaterring

Unattractive man hitting on a women: Creepy

Attractive women hitting on a man: Flaterring

Unattractive women hitting on a man: Annoying

It works both ways.

I disagree with both statements.

We dress for ourselves.

The whole post reads as very sexist, and even misogynistic. Maybe it was not intended that way. In that case, it's merely ignorant.

This is bad advice for men. Men, if you want to impress a woman - treat her like a human being.

Do women get anoxeria and breast implants for themselves?



Don't throw loaded words like 'misogynist' around or it will lose all meaning..


That might not be bad advice, but it's vague to the point of irrelevance.

Agreed. I have talked about this type of thing to NT friends who do have hot girlfriends, and are successful with women (thus, they know what they are talking about), and they tell me that you need to remember the 10 and 90 rule. 10% of the men are getting 90% of the women. When women go out, they don't want to settle for anything less than the best. They want a very good-looking guy, who is also good socially, has a good job, money etc and they are not willing to settle for much less. So basically, they don't want someone who is awkward, isn't the best looking guy in the place, doesn't dress right, is shy, etc. - this is just reality.
Women who read this: don't take offense, I am probably not talking about you, but I am talking about the women you find in a club, bar, etc. so don't say I am stereotyping all women, because I am not.

Okay, I’ll try to help you guys out here, leaving myself out as an example because I’m clueless, unemotional and would get hot and bothered over talking about Astrophysics but would never understand true flirting (by the way, hubby is surviving just fine after being with me for 27 years even if I do freak him out by being so clueless). Added to which I only like OCD guys who are going to put order to my chaos. I think we can safely leave me out of the statistics.

So, let’s forget me and stick to NT women. (Everyone thinks AS/AS works out, but I don’t really see how that would happen.)

Above is Space’s hypotheses based on what other guys have told him (credit to other guys). Let’s look at that against empirical evidence to see if it holds up. The first variant I see (and this is based on being quite a bit older than most of you, working in corporate environments for 23 years and going to college to get two degrees) is the variant of short, fat, bald men who end up with successful, tall, blonde, attractive women. Now, you could think this is caused by his money, but you have to take into account that these women have lucrative careers of their own so they don’t need his money. These guys aren’t particularly slick with the social game, so that’s out as well. That kind of leaves us with corporate like is looking for corporate like. In other words, I’m a country clubber and so are you, let’s get together and mingle/marry/whatever. So we have that subset that is a variant of our 10/90 theory.

Now let’s go beyond that, now that we’ve seen short, fat, bald men can and do get women who are tall, attractive and successful.

I work in a huge corporation (400,000 employees). I am part of the IT group (39,000 employees). 90% of those are men, so now we are left with 35,100 employees. Of that 35,100, 60 % are married (thanks to my boss who handles all the stats for providing that one). So, now we are looking at 21,060 who did something right. Of that number, 80% are geeks who do not practice good hygiene, slick dressing or good social small talk. That is 16,848. (That’s subjective based on me just asking 10% of females outside are group, but close enough to know.) Of those 16,848, most are married to other geeks at about 80%. That is ~13,478. As a rule, geeks do not like high NT women (read attractive but not intelligent and as deep as a mud puddle). Anyway, that means that of the original 35,100 men, 13,478 are both geeky and married to geeks. I don’t think we can put this down to the women wanted them for money. Most of them have their own jobs that pay well. It isn’t a looks or social skills thing. I believe that what is going on is a case of like marries/mates with like. Geeks want more geeks and marrying a geek ups those chances. Geeks also go home and talk more geek. Marrying a geek insures this is not a problem. Geeks do not like emotion, they like logic. Geeks marrying geeks equates to two logical partners (for the most part).

So now, we have realized that it is not a case of you necessarily need looks, more money and good social skills to get the girl you want. (You’d still have to figure in factors of what you want compared to what they want. But, like wants like does hold true quite a bit in the end. It’s either that or you look for something to make up for what you don’t have in which case you have NT/OCD and AS as you do with my husband and I. His order calms my chaos.)


Having said that, here’s the scoop with NT men who get the women. (I know this because NT women think the fact that I’m quiet equates to I want to be their personal counselor so they tell me all of this emotional crap. Someone might as well get some use out of it.) Most NT women really believe that these men want a relationship with them and not just sex. They will go to their grave in denial of any proof to the contrary. NT men don’t really know this, but what they do know is that if they lie to these women and tell them what they think they want to hear (and end up getting it right based on past successes), they will get into the woman’s pants. It’s all about lying and how good at it you are. There are some sincere guys out there and sometimes these NT women run into them (they usually marry somewhere in between the extremes), but for the most part, that is what is going on. Now for an Aspie, the reason you aren’t successful is because you don’t know the game and you aren’t good at lying for lying’s sake. For instance, the whole “How are you?” question that none of us Aspie’s get. Why do they even ask such a stupid question when they don’t really want to know? It isn’t polite, in fact it’s insulting to ask as if you care when you clearly don’t want to know how the person really is. Flirting (as opposed to hitting on which comes later by the way) is the same. It’s useless words that add up to a whole lot of nothing, but NTs eat this up the same way they eat up “How are you?” It’s very important to them. It’s what they understand. Those women want you to lie and pretend they are the most beautiful in the room, the most interesting in the room and you would rather die than spend your life without them. That is what they are looking for. You need to pretend you want to know them as a “friend.” “You look like a really interesting person, why are you all alone?” She blabs about 22 reasons she is alone tonight. No matter what she says, you say, “I can’t believe that. Men must be stupid.” Now she is really going to start blabbing and you need to not only listen, but be able to recall these things for as long as you know her. You will be tested later. Your ability to pretend interest in these things you could care less about is what is going to determine if this goes any further. The reason Aspie guys have trouble here is because you don’t like to meet people’s eyes (she will take that as you aren’t interested in HER and only want to get into her pants and you, my friend, are toast). If the handsome guy seems rude and gets the girl, he is lifting his beer bottle to another pretty girl, but then looking back into the eyes of the one he is talking to as if he is interested. Brief interruptions are allowed. If his buddies come up, NT girl will think that is proof that he approves of his friends seeing him with her so it is further indication that he wants a "relationship." He might be showing her off like the next head to be mounted on his wall, but it’s irrelevant. She thinks it is indication he wants a relationship.

Are you with me so far? If another woman comes along and he talks to her but comes back to original NT woman, she thinks, oh that means he checked her out but decided he would rather be with me, which means my chances of having an actual relationship with him just went up. That other woman was just someone he would use to get into her pants.

If he leaves her completely for awhile and comes back, then he is the one who got away, but he came to his senses and came back…for relationship.

This just goes on. Even if he “seals the deal,” as you called it, and doesn’t call her afterward, if he shows up again sometime in the future and shows interest again it’s back to he is the one who got away, but he came to his senses and came back…for relationship.

The whole time that guy is lying about what he thinks about her, where this is going between them and whether he is interested in her. It is all packaged under the guise of “politeness” and the woman believes it is sincere. She never once considers he is using her and lying to do it because that would mean she isn’t worth any more than that. That reality would devastate her self esteem, so she doesn’t believe it to spare herself that reality. Some are better at holding off the closing of the deal for awhile because they’ve been taught to do that. Others are not so good at that. That’s what differentiates one night stand from dating. Dating is still the same thing to the guy and the girl. She thinks this is headed for “serious relationship” and he thinks it will culminate in sealing the deal.

The only thing that ever changes the dynamic is that either she (probably on accident) meets a sincere guy who really means what he says or the other type of guy decides it is time to settle down and marry and she’ll do just fine.

NTs are in turmoil all the time, including those guys in the 10%. The only difference is that the 10% know that they can’t show it or their chances will go down (basic sports and predator psych out mentality). Our days and lunch hours here in the corporate world are filled with the drama of NT dating and married life. Marriage just adds a new dimension of drama.

So, there’s what you need to know. Yes, cleaning up would be good, but your biggest hurdle is going to be the lies you need to tell her and staying quiet to let her talk about herself and show interest. Even when you learn all these social skills, you are still going to need to do that. That is a trick even NT guys have a hard time mastering.


Hope that helps.


My apologies to all fellow females in advance.

Disclaimer: This model assumes that not all NTs behave in this manner and this speaks only to the median NT.

tl/dr
just give it to me in a couple sentences.

“You look like a really interesting person, why are you all alone?” She blabs about 22 reasons she is alone tonight. No matter what she says, you say, “I can’t believe that. Men must be stupid.”


Nod and smile.


Act like everything she says is the most profound discovery in Astrophysics ever made.

The former is a form of OCD, I believe. It isn't a fashion trend. There is evidence that being below a certain weight can trigger obsessive tendencies.

Breast implants are part of an attempt to look attractive/adhere to the current standard of attractiveness. Yes, they do it for themselves. (Of course, keep in mind all the statements/questions in this thread, by everyone on the topic, are assuming 'all women' have the same motivations. In my case I refer to 'most'. There is no accurate statement to be made for 'all'.)

If one is considered the epitome of beauty, people open doors, treat them differently, smile at them, ask them on dates, include them in friendly outings, etc. There are many studies backing up that attractive people are treated better by almost everyone.

So, yes, anything to do with appearance, women do for themselves, in that they want to feel better about themselves, ultimately more secure, in that there's a good chance their life will improve for it.

This is taking for granted that said women value the things being physically attractive can bring, whether 'more respect' from a wide variety of strangers, to a better job or paycheck (it's subliminal perhaps, but studies show that attractive people make more money/get more promotions), etc. Not all women do value such things. Some would rather be left alone with a good book!



I use the word for its intended meaning and where appropriate. I am not responsible if the word changes meaning in the world at large. I'm just one person.




There, you have a point. I forgot when I wrote that, that this is a forum mainly for AS persons. I've said it to NTs before and they knew what I meant.

Basically it means value her for something beyond T and A, omit the sexual come-ons or corny pickup lines, and don't go after her just to sex her and forget her. Hope that is more clear.

I concur, although I'd replace "annoying" with "not great, but nicer than not being approached at all".

All right, I see what you're saying now.