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NikitaV
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Age: 40
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04 Dec 2013, 10:51 pm

The semester is almost over and it seems it was one of te hardes I had so far.

I am a grad student in my last year, and in ordre to get my degree, I had to teach this semester (I was on a research grant the two years before).

At times I was crying, because I thought I couldn't do it. Giving a talk about my research is one thing, but trying to teach math to 40 undergrad students who don't want to be there is a totally different thing. During the days, when I have to teach, I can't do anything else, because before I am so anxious, and afterwards I am so exhausted. This interrupts the whole routine of my day.

When the teaching supervisor came to observe my class, he told me, I have to interact with the class and not speak to the black board. How can I interact with a whole class if I can't interact properly with one person?

Sometimes I walked over to the classroom, and felt my throat close, I didn't know if I could speack at all.

And I don't want to force people to learn. I don't want to make rules for adults. They go to university of their own free will, so if they don't want to do their homework, well that's their business. Unfortunately the idea seems to be that since they pay, I have the duty to teach them no matter, what they do.

Sometimes I stand their and it is as if I see only the blackboard and don't hear anything. I still say my words that I wrote down before but I am not sure anymore, if what comes out of my mouth is actually what I wanted to say.

The cultural and linguistic difference doesn't make it any easier. I was just getting a bit more comforable with the social rules in my country, when I was thrown in a different culture.

It's my fault of course, I should have considered this before, but it just didn't cross my mind. I was so excited about doing research.

Fortunately it's almost over, next semester I am just a TA. And afterwards, hopefully I have a research job. If not, I have to figure out a way to deal with this. If I try to tell people about this, they just say, it's hard for everyone. And that's your job.

I just wanted to tell someone who could understand. Thanks for reading.



questor
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05 Dec 2013, 12:13 am

I am puzzled as to why you would take a school path that would require you to do something you really can't stand to do. You really should have thought things through before picking this course path. Since you are already so far along though, and the type of work you plan on doing after college doesn't require teaching, I suggest you try to tough it out. Just try to arrange your schedule, so that you don't have much to do just prior to, and just after your teaching sessions. Either make meals ahead the day before, or eat in the cafeteria, or eat out on teaching days. Also, do laundry on non teaching days, and any other such chores. Leave the teaching days for teaching. And when you come home from the sessions, just do stuff to unwind. Take a shower or bath. Have simple stuff to eat. Drink soothing peppermint tea. Don't drink anything with caffeine on those nights, as caffeine will keep you keyed up. Turn the lights down low and sprawl in front of the idiot box (TV) to let your mind fill with the mindless drivel of a mindless TV show. Or just play some soft music. Then go to bed early. Don't take or make any calls, emails, or Facebook, or other site posts on those nights. Just use those nights to unwind and relax.

Hope my suggestions help.