Do your stress levels increase when invited to be social?

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Sethno
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06 Dec 2013, 12:07 pm

Jensen wrote:
I´m not good at get-togethers either. I fear it, but once I am there, - I´m there and I try to participate, but mostly I end up by the book shelf, or playing with the cat or talking to the children. I am allways a little apart from the rest of the company...


So familiar...


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Eureka13
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06 Dec 2013, 1:26 pm

Another "yes" here. Sometimes I literally have a panic attack when someone I barely know asks me to do something with them. I avoid parties in general. I have to be really comfortable with someone (i.e., a handful of close, long-term friends and/or select family members) to not suffer any anxiety at all in their presence.

I avoid the usual birthdays/retirements/office parties at work. Sometimes I will go if whatever I'm working on at the moment is horrendously tedious and I need a break, but for the most part being in a group of mere acquaintances will just stress me out. I have a couple of people at work that I am comfortable with, and if one of them specifically suggests that "we" go to the get-together, I can deal with it a lot better.

No wonder Aspies don't like to date! The worst of all worlds - meeting up with a near stranger, an unfamiliar social situation, AND the complication of potential romantic interest. Yikes!



ZenDen
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06 Dec 2013, 1:42 pm

This weekend I thought I'd try to catch up with the rest of the world and sign up for Facebook. It seems like every business and government etc., etc., etc. is now on Facebook and I was being left behind. As soon as I open it the day after joining there are people offering to contact me and suggesting a bunch of friends gets adopted. What a shock. There is no way I'm going to throw myself into that heap of squirming humanity.

For some it may be the answer to their loneliness, but I'm still backpedaling.

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Jensen
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06 Dec 2013, 2:34 pm

I was just preparing to attend a meeting, for the first time ever, in the local "aspie club", where a new company, specialized in finding suitable jobs for bright spectrumites, would speak about their project, - and I got so nervous, - that I went so late, - that I gave up the whole idea ------- :roll: :roll: :roll:
Ah, well, the weather is bad anyway: hailstorm.


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loner1984
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07 Dec 2013, 9:36 pm

Very much. Just to put things in perspective.

I had to make a phone call to receive a package.

It literally took me 2 full days of trying to call that number and hanging up. Before i worked up the nerved.

Its like when i have to do things like that, i get a mountain the size of everest placed in my way, and i have to climb that.

I remember once, being told that it would get easier. For some reason it never seems to get easier.

Its like, who is the person im talking to, will it be a male or female, what will their voice sounds like, will i be able to understand them. What if they ask me something im not prepared for.

Now social event oh no thank you, then take all that and multiply it by how many people are there, plus a new place im not familar with, plus the noise and the and other stuff. And not being able to go home where and be alone, you can only take up the bathroom so long, before people starting thinking your either died, or have a problems.



micfranklin
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07 Dec 2013, 11:04 pm

Depends on how many others will be in this social event. If it's someone I know asking me to join with a small number like 2 or 3, then I'll be fine. A bigger group, on the other hand, makes me uneasy.



Marky9
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08 Dec 2013, 12:00 am

Yes, I experience varying degrees of stress at social overtures or encounters.

For example, during my weekly outing I like to pop-in at a local coffee shop that is frequented by people I have met over the years. I enjoy seeing familiar face and doing a smile and nod of recognition. I can also enjoy the occasional banal exchange of 'hi how are you - fine thanks and you - I am fine also good to see you - you also", so long as it is followed by nothing more.

But when someone decides to stand there and actually converse about something it rather bugs me. There are only one or two people from whom I would welcome that sort of thing.


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dottsie
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08 Dec 2013, 12:41 am

Yeah, if I'm invited by someone to do something with the, I get extremely nervous, especially if I've never been out with them before. It probably has to do with the fact that I'm afraid I'll be too boring and they won't like me.



ZombieBrideXD
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08 Dec 2013, 1:47 am

BAHAHHAHAHAHAHA ive never been invited to be social!! !


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opal
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08 Dec 2013, 4:02 am

Yes, but the extent depends on the situation and the people involved.



micfranklin
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08 Dec 2013, 10:02 pm

I think the anxiety/stress comes from me having to trying to sort out from several people, as opposed to focusing on just one or two.



redrobin62
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08 Dec 2013, 10:21 pm

In my past jobs I was known for weaseling out of office parties and get-togethers. I made it my business to miss them all by usually working on the days they were held. I was in rock bands and even weaseled out of celebratory parties for us. It fascinates how others do it so casually. For me? No way.



micfranklin
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08 Dec 2013, 10:24 pm

Never really weaseled my way out of parties. I showed up and didn't really speak unless spoken to, or unless something interesting was discussed. Which is only like 30% of the time.



MjrMajorMajor
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08 Dec 2013, 10:27 pm

I have two Christmas parties next weekend, and it's definitely a stressor. Having to drive to an unfamiliar destination makes it that much worse. :pale:



micfranklin
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09 Dec 2013, 8:38 pm

My job's Christmas party is next week, and I have no idea what to get my Secret Santa there.



JSBACHlover
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09 Dec 2013, 9:42 pm

Yes. But, when I realize that all I have to be is myself and sit there like a lump, then it's fine.