Do your stress levels increase when invited to be social?

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Yes. But, when I realize that all I have to be is myself and sit there like a lump, then it's fine.

Always. It drives my spouse nuts. I don't like big crowds, so no parties for me. I don't like short notice even for small get-togethers with people I know well. I have to adjust myself to the idea. So if someone invites us over on the spur of the moment I always automatically answer no. Sometimes, if I'm having a good day to start with, I might be talked into it, but that whole invitation/acceptance process is awful, I feel so put on the spot.

In fact the only socializing that doesn't stress me these days is incidental, brief conversations with complete strangers, clerks or other customers, when shopping. I suppose that doesn't bother me because I don't care. I mean I do care on the level of human kindness and politeness, but they are people I'll never see again, and the interaction is just one or two people at a time, no pressure to become friends and have to commit myself to more than that one conversation, so I'm relaxed in those situations. Even that type of interaction used to bother me a lot when I was young. My mom worked on it with me, though, sending me into the store to get the carton of milk, etc. Now that I'm much older and past the necessity of being social at school or work, or even that much with family, it's about the only socializing I do.

I used to not mind family get-togethers when I was a child, partially because I was fascinated with family history and just listened to the grownups tell stories. But I hated school, developed migraines early on, and often got them on Mondays from stressing out over the weekend about having to go back to school. Same with work, later. Workplace socializing was awful, at first. I had to learn to say hello to people instead of avert my gaze as we passed in the hall. I hated having to work in groups or pairs. I preferred tasks I did on my own. When I had to work with others I would spend my breaks in the bathroom, just for some private time alone. When someone made a friendly overture at church or work, it made me feel secretly panicked.

In later years, though, work was okay when I had a job that kept me at my desk concentrating on my job, and I had enough autonomy to plan my days around assigned projects, so I knew what to expect each day. I was lucky in that, for years, and was able to relax and make friends because I knew what to expect day to day. I did socialize a little outside of work, then. But my last five years before I retired were as a supervisor/manager, and it was awful. Too much need to interact, constantly, all day. Overlapping meetings, constant calls and drop ins, people even following me to the restroom to talk. Business trips with coworkers. It was too much, and I avoided the office parties like the plague, because it was something I could say no to, but I developed a kind of reputation for that. I would shut myself in my office with the door closed for a while before the workday started, sometimes at lunch time as well.

Even now, though, if I have to do something different, I stress so much about it that I barely sleep the night before. After much socializing I tend to be both exhausted and wired - and have trouble sleeping the following night as well. Usually wind up with a migraine after it's over.

It's crazy, and when I was young I hid all this stress from others as much as I could, because I knew it just wasn't normal. I braved my way through social events, if I couldn't gracefully avoid them, and was miserable, and other people always remarked on how quiet I was. Now that I'm older, and I realize it's likely Asperger's, I feel I have a right to say no. I don't feel that I should have to be miserable just to please others, so I am a hermit as much as I can be. But like I said, my husband doesn't really understand.

Yes.

Recently, my mom yelled at me on Thanksgiving. because I didn't talk to anyone at the neighbor's house, which led to me having a emotional breakdown in front of everyone. Me, my sister, and my mom were all invited to go there for Thanksgiving dinner. All the other guests were people my neighbor knew.

Depends on who I'm dealing with. There are people that I feel very comfortable around and others that I feel nervous around. The people in the latter category are usually people who have different interaction styles than I do or those who I have problems finding common ground with. When it's someone I know I'll have fun with, I don't feel anxious at all. However, if it's with people I haven't seen in a while even if we have been communicating in other ways, I do get very anxious. My anxiety spikes when I see people I admire interacting with others who have closer bonds to them than I do.

With my extended family, I get a little nervous because they have known me for my whole life and kind of expect me to have problems interacting. I try to challenge this a bit, but because I am familiar with them, I tend to fall into old patterns of being shy with them more often than not.