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ritualdrama
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10 Dec 2013, 11:17 pm

I didn't talk much in school. I would talk to my (few) friends and it was usually if no one else was around. We would eat lunch in secluded areas. I farted really loud a couple times when I thought no one was around and it was hilarious. I used to sit in the hallways alone and read; people would walk by me and ask, "Where are your friends?" I'd say, "I'm waiting for them." Even if no one was coming. I'm pretty good at drawing (I don't like to brag), but it's mostly because in highschool that was how I avoided conversation with people. My thoughts were, 'Look busy and they'll go away!" Sometimes I wish I could go back and piss more people off. I still only have 3-4 friends, sometimes I'm not sure who to call a 'friend' because in the past I have tried calling people 'friend' but they f****d me over.



KevinLA
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11 Dec 2013, 1:05 am

Never lonely.

Just bored.



auntblabby
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11 Dec 2013, 1:39 am

I don't know if anybody else said this here or not [can't remember] but the frustrating thing about enforced solitude is the inability to share some of the nice things in life with others, in the spirit of brotherhood.



Briarsprout
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11 Dec 2013, 10:43 am

HS can be "cliques". I recommend joining a club that interests you. In turn, you may find similar like minded people.

Also, in the community at large there may be some other organizations you are interested in. College I found to be less so. Hang in there!



T1nd1v1dual
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11 Dec 2013, 11:02 am

I have a loner complex that's been surfaced since about as far as I remember that I wish I could get rid of, but have been used to being content for so long that it's extremely difficult. I always think about what it would be like to "fit in" with the PC game nerds, drunk teenagers or anybody and it's pathetic, but I've made some wise choices not getting involved in those crowds, even if it involves going along with what my parents do and finding comfort in sad or cheesy music at home.



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11 Dec 2013, 11:22 am

I never really went to lunch in high school. Sure in my freshman year I went in and sat down, come to find out it was a free-for-all and you could sit anywhere you wanted, so I ended up sitting down with some seniors I didn't know and even though they were nice to me, I didn't feel comfortable because I wasn't near anyone I actually knew or had class with. So I went to lunch maybe 2 or 3 more times after that, and for the rest of my HS career I cut lunch altogether and either hid in the bathrooms or walked the hallways around the school.

Compared to middle school where a class had assigned tables and thus it was easier to sit down and be comfortable.



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11 Dec 2013, 12:27 pm

auntblabby wrote:
I don't know if anybody else said this here or not [can't remember] but the frustrating thing about enforced solitude is the inability to share some of the nice things in life with others, in the spirit of brotherhood.


Yes for example I have a museum pass, I can get a discount in the shop and in the cafe...but as I have no one to go with I can't share the benefit that I get from having the pass with anybody.

Plus their is laughter to be shared, love to be shared, hugs for those who like them to be shared...

Makes me feel sad.



qawer
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11 Dec 2013, 3:26 pm

I agree that things get better in college compared to High School.

But doesn't it just get worse again when entering the job market after college?



eggheadjr
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11 Dec 2013, 5:24 pm

I think so - college/university was much better than what I encounter in the working world. But the working world is still much better than how things were in high school.


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auntblabby
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11 Dec 2013, 7:41 pm

bumble wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I don't know if anybody else said this here or not [can't remember] but the frustrating thing about enforced solitude is the inability to share some of the nice things in life with others, in the spirit of brotherhood.


Yes for example I have a museum pass, I can get a discount in the shop and in the cafe...but as I have no one to go with I can't share the benefit that I get from having the pass with anybody. Plus their is laughter to be shared, love to be shared, hugs for those who like them to be shared...Makes me feel sad.

having to do things alone all of the time eventually becomes discouraging and I just stop going places.



Max000
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12 Dec 2013, 4:02 am

auntblabby wrote:
bumble wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I don't know if anybody else said this here or not [can't remember] but the frustrating thing about enforced solitude is the inability to share some of the nice things in life with others, in the spirit of brotherhood.


Yes for example I have a museum pass, I can get a discount in the shop and in the cafe...but as I have no one to go with I can't share the benefit that I get from having the pass with anybody. Plus their is laughter to be shared, love to be shared, hugs for those who like them to be shared...Makes me feel sad.

having to do things alone all of the time eventually becomes discouraging and I just stop going places.


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs[/youtube]



micfranklin
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12 Dec 2013, 10:06 am

eggheadjr wrote:
I think so - college/university was much better than what I encounter in the working world. But the working world is still much better than how things were in high school.


An excess of free time is just one of the few things that college has over the working world.



auntblabby
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12 Dec 2013, 4:22 pm

Max000 wrote:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs[/youtube]

"there is heat in freezing; be a testament." :idea: thanx Max :)



micfranklin
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13 Dec 2013, 11:55 am

Another thing about high school: during the bus ride to school in the morning, everyone else wanted to talk and I just wanted to sleep until I got to school. Every now and then someone would ask me something even though it's clear I don't feel like talking.



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13 Dec 2013, 12:21 pm

I spent pretty much every break and lunchtime at secondary school in the computer labs writing code. There were a couple of other guys in my school who did the same and they were my friends. It was actually pretty awesome. Before I developed that group though I was really lonely and unhappy.

Do you have a special interest you could pursue, for example film-making, animation, electronics, robotics, arduino, go, chess, etc? There will likely be other people who share your passion, you just don't know who they are yet. Really interesting people don't suppress their abilities and passions just to fit in. That's what average people do.

As an aspie you may have latent superpowers. You have the potential to actually be the best in the world at something. You actually rock. I wouldn't waste too much time trying hard to simulate NT behavior just for the purpose of fitting in.

Many of us have also been there, you're not alone. Best of luck with it!



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13 Dec 2013, 12:33 pm

I've never really felt excluded but it doesn't stop me from feeling lonely.


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