I feel humiliated
So I went to this night club with my younger brother. Wasn't really expecting to meet anyone I know or even anyone my age but weirdly I met this guy I went to primary school with. First time I've seen him in over 10 years. So far so good.
Then this girl joins us and I ask her what she does, she says "that's a bit weird" in response, okay, not good, I've obviously just butted in or something, but she answers and says she's a midwife, so I reply, "have you delivered many babies recently" (that's really what I said, that's how autistic I am) So she basically ignores me from this point on and the guy starts chastising me, I haven't seen him in 10+ years and he's criticizing me for how I handled it, saying how weird that was, telling me I should have said "so do you enjoy it?" and not "have you delivered many babies?".
I feel so dumb. I feel humiliated. He doesn't know I'm autistic and I've been having trouble socializing but it feels like in 10 minutes he found it out.
Then this girl joins us and I ask her what she does, she says "that's a bit weird" in response, okay, not good, I've obviously just butted in or something, but she answers and says she's a midwife, so I reply, "have you delivered many babies recently" (that's really what I said, that's how autistic I am) So she basically ignores me from this point on and the guy starts chastising me, I haven't seen him in 10+ years and he's criticizing me for how I handled it, saying how weird that was, telling me I should have said "so do you enjoy it?" and not "have you delivered many babies?".
I feel so dumb. I feel humiliated. He doesn't know I'm autistic and I've been having trouble socializing but it feels like in 10 minutes he found it out.
what,that rude of her,she's a mid wife,that what she does.
Then this girl joins us and I ask her what she does, she says "that's a bit weird" in response, okay, not good, I've obviously just butted in or something, but she answers and says she's a midwife, so I reply, "have you delivered many babies recently" (that's really what I said, that's how autistic I am) So she basically ignores me from this point on and the guy starts chastising me, I haven't seen him in 10+ years and he's criticizing me for how I handled it, saying how weird that was, telling me I should have said "so do you enjoy it?" and not "have you delivered many babies?".
I feel so dumb. I feel humiliated. He doesn't know I'm autistic and I've been having trouble socializing but it feels like in 10 minutes he found it out.
Seems like she had a problem, that he picked up on. There's nothing wrong, or there shouldn't be anything wrong, with asking what someone does (as long as it's legal).
It was weird for her to make that comment. I would shrugged it off and ignored her, focusing on the buddy. And with the way it turned out, probably would have happened to me and I would have just thought they were jerks and moved on with my life.
And I would have thought it was obvious she enjoys it as she's been doing it for a while. But you never know, people do things they hate so there's no safe question/answer to that scenario (and not like you're going to figure that out with 1-2 minutes of a conversation)
I would guess that she's not a midwife, she was just being rude and said something she thought was ridiculous and dismissive in response to a question that for whatever reason, she didn't want to answer. It's actually not an unusual question at all, which makes me think she hates her job or thinks of it as demeaning or embarrassing (or perhaps she's unemployed) and just didn't want to discuss it.
When she answered with what she thought was an obvious brush-off, and you continued to talk to take her remark literally, she may have thought you were just trying to intentionally annoy her. She's a beyotch, don't sweat it.
Huh. I didn't read anything "off" in what you said. I likely would have asked what her job was as well. I probably would have asked how long she had been a midwife as my second question, but I see no problem in one's career being a topic of interest. Weird reaction. Sounds like a her problem, not a you problem.
Yeah. I agree with the responses here. I would've asked the same thing myself.
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Right? I feel like my response would have been, "Why is that an off-limits topic? Is your job seedy or something?" Those people sound wayyyyy too uptight, OP. I'd leave things where they lie and move on. Don't beat yourself up over it-- you were totally acceptable-- they were rude.
auntblabby
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goldfish21
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People aren't so direct about their jobs when they're in healthcare/medicine etc and prefer the "so, how do you like it?" questions vs. blunt direct to the point questions. Talking about "gross," stuff like childbirth is a bit socially taboo, even if you were genuinely interested in her answers, or interested in it from a health/medicine/biology perspective.
So, you made a mistake. Humility is temporary. Next time, if you can remember to do so, don't ask such a direct question about someone's line of work.. ask the more acceptable open ended "and how do you like your job?" and let them ramble on and get into whatever level of detail they like. People like to talk about themselves and their jobs, but if you get straight to the point they find it rude or odd, so it's best to ask the higher level open ended questions and let them talk about it however they see fit.
That time is in the past now, learn from it & look forward to the next time you're in such a scenario and you'll get to try again with a better question and see what kind of results you get.
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auntblabby
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Then this girl joins us and I ask her what she does, she says "that's a bit weird" in response, okay, not good, I've obviously just butted in or something, but she answers and says she's a midwife, so I reply, "have you delivered many babies recently" (that's really what I said, that's how autistic I am) So she basically ignores me from this point on and the guy starts chastising me, I haven't seen him in 10+ years and he's criticizing me for how I handled it, saying how weird that was, telling me I should have said "so do you enjoy it?" and not "have you delivered many babies?".
I feel so dumb. I feel humiliated. He doesn't know I'm autistic and I've been having trouble socializing but it feels like in 10 minutes he found it out.
Sounds like they were probably drunk, and/or drunk combined with already being stupid in the first place.
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