Question: If the woman asks out the guy.

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Hmm?
I am a woman and I think the woman should pay. 24%  24%  [ 12 ]
I am a man and I think the woman should pay. 6%  6%  [ 3 ]
I am a woman and I think the man should pay. 8%  8%  [ 4 ]
I am a man and I think the man should pay. 6%  6%  [ 3 ]
I am a woman and I think it should be half-half. 18%  18%  [ 9 ]
I am a man and I think it should be half-half. 37%  37%  [ 18 ]
Total votes : 49

coffeebean
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28 Dec 2013, 11:09 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I would expect each person to pay for what they ordered. I don't think it's fair in these difficult financial times for one person to have to pay for what the other person eats/drinks. I'm the kind of person who when going out for a meal with a group of friends thinks that we should all pay for what we ordered individually rather than dividing the bill. I don't earn much and neither do most of my friends. I have a hard enough time budgeting without having to pay part of someone else's meal. I'm not usually the person who suggests we pay for what we ordered, it is normally a unanimous decision. I don't see why dating should be any different. But how would I know, I've never been on a dinner date.


Yeah, I agree. I realize some might do it as a kindness, but it would feel strange to have an extra $10-20 spent on a stranger's company unless they were so rich they wiped their butt with 20's. They'd be paying to talk with me for a few hours while I feel out what kind of person they are and whether or not I want to be in their life as a love interest or at all. That's a really uncomfortable dynamic to me.

I can see finding ways to treat each other as part of actual courtship, but a first or second date doesn't necessarily mean anything...



YentonianCarlos
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02 Jan 2014, 8:02 pm

First date should always be both participants paying for themselves.

Doesn't matter who does the asking out, they shouldn't pay for the other person in order to insure they're not being taken for a ride.



goldfish21
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02 Jan 2014, 8:07 pm

YentonianCarlos wrote:
First date should always be both participants paying for themselves.

Doesn't matter who does the asking out, they shouldn't pay for the other person in order to insure they're not being taken for a ride.


I disagree. I think thats horribly cynical advice.

If I ask someone out on a date, I expect to pay - and I want to pay. It show's interest in the other person's happiness and well being, that you'd sacrifice your time & energy in the form of money in order to enjoy their company. It shows your generosity. It also shows your ability to pay and be a bit of a provider. There are several good reasons the person who asks ought to pay, IMO.


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Ferrus91
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02 Jan 2014, 8:19 pm

Well, if she were to do so I report her immediately to the nearest psychiatrist for signs of hysteria like any good citizen, and I am pretty sure the food at the local asylum is provided for by charity donations.



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02 Jan 2014, 8:34 pm

Traditionally, whoever asks the other one out is expected to pay, but going Dutch could be a good alternative. Otherwise, one party could feel their being used for a free meal.


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02 Jan 2014, 8:48 pm

Moviefan2k4 wrote:
Traditionally, whoever asks the other one out is expected to pay, but going Dutch could be a good alternative. Otherwise, one party could feel their being used for a free meal.


How in the hell is this possible if the person who does the asking is both expecting & wanting to pay?

It's sort of the way things work. So, why someone would ask someone out on a date and then expect the askee to split the bill with them or else feel like they're being used for a free meal is completely beyond me. Seriously. It's absurd.


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YentonianCarlos
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02 Jan 2014, 9:29 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
YentonianCarlos wrote:
First date should always be both participants paying for themselves.

Doesn't matter who does the asking out, they shouldn't pay for the other person in order to insure they're not being taken for a ride.


I disagree. I think thats horribly cynical advice.

If I ask someone out on a date, I expect to pay - and I want to pay. It show's interest in the other person's happiness and well being, that you'd sacrifice your time & energy in the form of money in order to enjoy their company. It shows your generosity. It also shows your ability to pay and be a bit of a provider. There are several good reasons the person who asks ought to pay, IMO.


If they're that interested in wanting to see you again then they won't have an issue with paying for themselves. I think we've hit a cultural difference here. Going Dutch is quite common in the Netherlands, Germany, Austria & The Scandanavian countries.

Plus how would you feel if you took someone out on a date, paid for them & then two days later, they decided to get with someone else and admitted the only reason they went on a date with you in the first place was because they thought the other person wasn't available to them. Believe me when I say that's not very nice (and I doubt very much any women reading this would appreciate being on the receiving end of such behaviour as well, hence why they shouldn't have to pay for the guy if they did the asking out either)

It's not about the money, it's about the principle, call me cynical if you like but nobody likes to be strung along.



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02 Jan 2014, 9:58 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Interesting , only few men voted that the woman should pay, less than those who think it should be half.

Men are so conditionally raised to pay even they are invited? :roll:


*shrug* how it should be is different than how it actually is. Normally it should also be half and half, or as others said each pay their own, but in reality I pay most of the time. If the roles were reversed, it should also be each their own, but the times I've been invited by women and I try to pay for myself and they refuse, I don't insist either. It would be rude, and if they insist then they probably meant it.


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Last edited by Shatbat on 02 Jan 2014, 10:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MadeUnderground
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02 Jan 2014, 10:06 pm

YentonianCarlos wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
YentonianCarlos wrote:
First date should always be both participants paying for themselves.

Doesn't matter who does the asking out, they shouldn't pay for the other person in order to insure they're not being taken for a ride.


I disagree. I think thats horribly cynical advice.

If I ask someone out on a date, I expect to pay - and I want to pay. It show's interest in the other person's happiness and well being, that you'd sacrifice your time & energy in the form of money in order to enjoy their company. It shows your generosity. It also shows your ability to pay and be a bit of a provider. There are several good reasons the person who asks ought to pay, IMO.


If they're that interested in wanting to see you again then they won't have an issue with paying for themselves. I think we've hit a cultural difference here. Going Dutch is quite common in the Netherlands, Germany, Austria & The Scandanavian countries.

Plus how would you feel if you took someone out on a date, paid for them & then two days later, they decided to get with someone else and admitted the only reason they went on a date with you in the first place was because they thought the other person wasn't available to them. Believe me when I say that's not very nice (and I doubt very much any women reading this would appreciate being on the receiving end of such behaviour as well, hence why they shouldn't have to pay for the guy if they did the asking out either)

It's not about the money, it's about the principle, call me cynical if you like but nobody likes to be strung along.



All this difference in culture and views, et cetera et cetera, is why when I ask someone out, it is usually to places that require very little to no cost to me.

I may not be able to get away with this when I'm no longer a college student but for now it works just fine.

These places include, free college event things - could be some movie screening, to water balloon fights.. I mean whatever is going on in the Quad it's fun and it's free, could be going out to lunch or dinner at the dining hall, could be going for a stroll around the campus to the Garden/Park/Pond area, could be me inviting her back to my apartment for dinner (from things I already have at my place) and a netflix live stream movie of her choosing.



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03 Jan 2014, 2:02 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Moviefan2k4 wrote:
Traditionally, whoever asks the other one out is expected to pay, but going Dutch could be a good alternative. Otherwise, one party could feel their being used for a free meal.


How in the hell is this possible if the person who does the asking is both expecting & wanting to pay?

It's sort of the way things work. So, why someone would ask someone out on a date and then expect the askee to split the bill with them or else feel like they're being used for a free meal is completely beyond me. Seriously. It's absurd.
I didn't mean either party expecting things of one another, but the one who sets up the date usually expects to foot the bill by themselves, or those around them may advise it. I wouldn't feel comfortable going out with a woman, and being asked afterward to pay the bill when she approached me first.


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03 Jan 2014, 3:34 am

YentonianCarlos wrote:
Going Dutch is quite common in the Netherlands...


I'd imagine so.


Ideally, in the early stages each person would just pay for themself. Realistically, if I ask I expect to pay for everything and, if I am asked, I know I am expected to pay for at least myself with a chance I'll be expected to cover everything.


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goldfish21
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03 Jan 2014, 5:43 am

YentonianCarlos wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
YentonianCarlos wrote:
First date should always be both participants paying for themselves.

Doesn't matter who does the asking out, they shouldn't pay for the other person in order to insure they're not being taken for a ride.


I disagree. I think thats horribly cynical advice.

If I ask someone out on a date, I expect to pay - and I want to pay. It show's interest in the other person's happiness and well being, that you'd sacrifice your time & energy in the form of money in order to enjoy their company. It shows your generosity. It also shows your ability to pay and be a bit of a provider. There are several good reasons the person who asks ought to pay, IMO.


If they're that interested in wanting to see you again then they won't have an issue with paying for themselves. I think we've hit a cultural difference here. Going Dutch is quite common in the Netherlands, Germany, Austria & The Scandanavian countries.

Plus how would you feel if you took someone out on a date, paid for them & then two days later, they decided to get with someone else and admitted the only reason they went on a date with you in the first place was because they thought the other person wasn't available to them. Believe me when I say that's not very nice (and I doubt very much any women reading this would appreciate being on the receiving end of such behaviour as well, hence why they shouldn't have to pay for the guy if they did the asking out either)

It's not about the money, it's about the principle, call me cynical if you like but nobody likes to be strung along.


Likewise with me.. it's not about the money, it's about the principle.

Of course no one likes to be strung along. I never have been, as I haven't really dated much at all. My dating life has, for the most part, consisted of hookups & friends with benefits. Such is gay life, or gay aspie life? Regardless, if I ask someone out I both expect to and want to pay - even if it's just for that one date. I'd prefer to be the one treating them if I ask them out, period.

Same applies to my close friends, too. when I invite my closest friend out to a concert or something, I fully expect to pay for the ticket/night, even though it's not exactly a date. I've invited them and it's my treat. There are some instances where everyone pays their own way, ie a group of friends going out, or meeting up with some friends and their families for dinner etc. But if I invite an individual to something, it's because I want to enjoy their company that day/night & am willing to pay the cost of whatever it is. It's just the way I am and was raised, I suppose. My father's always been about as generous with friends as he can afford to be. My twin brother is extremely generous with sports/concerts/event tickets and inviting family/friends to go on his dime. In the future, as my income and wealth increase, I have every intention of being just as generous or more so as he is. I don't feel taken advantage of in the least bit, as it's me who does the inviting and I know the costs ahead of time. I'll pay because it's worth it to me, period. To each their own.


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03 Jan 2014, 12:47 pm

I think people should split the bill,but if I was in a really good mood I might pay for the meal since I invited the person.If someone else is paying for the meal,I NEVER order the more expensive items.I was raised up being told this was rude,the same as taking the last or biggest piece of a food item.I will always cover the tip if someone else pays and thank them for the lovely meal.


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03 Jan 2014, 1:16 pm

I'm a lady and I asked guys out back in the day, quite often. I was always prepared to pay. Usually they insisted on paying and I would let them because that's polite, but if I just didn't enjoy the date at all and didn't want to go out with them again, I'd pay so there wouldn't be any kind of "thing" there.

The way I handled it, and the way I think is right to, about paying is that the girl picks up the bill and the guy will normally try to take it and say something like "No, let me". You tell him no you want to pay, you asked him out. You do that three times. If he insists the third time, then you let him pay. Otherwise it's on you, because you did ask him out, afterall, so it's on you to pay for it.


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