Newbie Idea: Does Anybody *ELSE* Do This?
Joined: Fri Jan 03, 2014 7:00 pm
I haven't been formally diagnosed with Asperger's yet, and may never be, courtesy of its removal from the DSM V, but I do have a long-standing borderline personality diagnosis and non-language-related learning disorder as well. Those two diagnoses contribute to a couple of others--major depressive disorder in partial remission, social anxiety disorder, benzodiazepine addiction (in yet another long-term taper) and heavy alcohol abuse dating back to my teens.
However, or of course, borderline cannot explain the triad of social impairments that I have, nor my circumstantial manner of speaking and writing (hello: I see this now, in extremis), nor the reversal of pronouns ('you' v 'me') that I insisted upon until the age of four, nor the neologisms that started to form around that time (to express the frustration/anger I often experienced when my mother corrected me, as best she could,, which, to NT people, was not often enough). I did/do some other weird stuff: a fascination with popping zits and cysts, with plucking rogue chin hairs; the unfortunate habit of scalp excoriation that seems to be a bizarre self-soothing mannerism persisting from my early twenties to the present. I'd love to be able to stop, but seem to be somehow locked into this behavior.
Though I have no cranial nerve palsy, the right side of my mouth frowns a lot more intensely than the left, and that tendency has left a groove that resembles a scar. Not attractive; and if my disability claim comes through with back pay, I plan to have it filled STAT. I photograph miserably, and fear situations in which someone might try to take my picture. Playing around with selfies hasn't changed this one iota. (I'm in my latest forties, am often taken for being in my mid to late thirties, and was approached, in my late teens, by random ppl on the street in Philadelphia and NYC asking me if I modeled, or was interested in the profession. So, despite fifteen extra pounds on a tall frame, I'm not bad-looking; I just photograph that way.
I'd love to see a forum, maybe entitled 'Does Anybody Else Do This?', in which folks here aired their tics and quirks, and sent them up for analysis. I'm trying to come to terms w/ accepting my Asperger's-ness; though it would explain so much of my social difficulties, identifying as an Aspie still hurts. I don't WANT to be weird; I don't get how NOT to be weird, aside from not speaking at all and trying to sit quietly in public. I'm toning down my aging-grunge-kid look, trying to arouse as little interest as possible from those in a position to hurt me (the borderline's sensitivity to rejection/ostracision continues to this day; unmuted by benzos, it can be excrutiating). And I still want to rebel against a lot of stuff mainstream society embraces, w/ no real idea why.
Above all, I am seeking a diagnosis that would lay the groundwork for effective therapeutic interventions, regardless of whatever discipline from which they might arise. I'm almost a professional outpatient at the community mental health clinics I've been seen in, and to this date, not a lot has worked.
Again, thank you;; I'm so behind whatever 8-ball exists for this condition.
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 7:00 pm
Hi and welcome!
A lot of the things you mentioned are frequent topics here on the forum, so you're definitely in good company here. I've picked at my skin all my life - it's an addictive sensation, and also I think it could be related to a perfectionist attitude, of not just leaving something alone and allowing it to be imperfect.
My face is really uneven too, and we recently had a topic here where it seems to be a pretty common thing among autistics. I've always been self-conscious about it (and don't consider myself attractive at all!) but I'm learning to accept that it's just part of the package deal, and not such an awful thing.
There are many others here who struggle with accepting the autism label. Personally I feel relieved to know there's a reason why I am the way that I am, and have the problems that I have. I've learned to forgive myself for not being a genius at socializing, and I've stopped trying to expect NT solutions to work for me (i.e., "If you're feeling depressed, just get out and socialize more and you'll feel better! Haha no... )
Anyway just wanted to say I can definitely relate... I'm glad you have access to professional help, and it definitely couldn't hurt to be tested for autism. Good luck and I hope it leads to a better understanding of your issues, and a more helpful and effective approach to dealing with them!
Joined: Mon Nov 04, 2013 7:00 pm
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