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Wind
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24 Jan 2014, 6:39 pm

I don't hit my head repeatedly, but I'll hit my head once, and if it doesn't feel powerful enough, I might hit another couple of times until I felt it was hard enough.

Sometimes I do it on a wall, sometimes I get heavy hardback books, for example my complete collection of Sherlock Holmes, and I whack my forehead on that. I don't knock myself out, I just get annoyed and need to hit my head for some reason.

I try not to do that now. I think I damaged enough brain cells.



Gizalba
Snowy Owl
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24 Jan 2014, 6:54 pm

RikkiK wrote:
ah hell, is this another common thing?
yes, when I'm very upset I have an irresistible urge to slam my head on the wall, but immediately regret it after as I'm very paranoid about concussions.

I always assumed this was more related to my SI problems though? then again, the head slamming is instant impulse, whereas my other habits are things that I can see coming for moments or hours before. thoughts from anyone?

also, generally speaking, hitting myself on the body has always been the most effective way for me to sedate myself when i'm losing it. that's actually how my SI started.
seriously, I need to be evaluated, because if I do have ASD it explains so much of my life.


Yes, I have read that this is a common part of what they call an 'autistic meltdown', if you want to google it.

I too have/had self injury problems - cutting. I have only recently discovered what ASD is, therefore for years the only explanation for my head banging I had was that it was merely another form of self injury behaviour. The professionals have always said they have no idea what the head banging is due to. But like you, I have always seen a difference between the two. '
Quote:
the head slamming is instant impulse, whereas my other habits are things that I can see coming for moments or hours before
' < that describes my experience exactly.

Curiously, this also exactly applies to me:
Quote:
generally speaking, hitting myself on the body has always been the most effective way for me to sedate myself when i'm losing it. that's actually how my SI started.
Indeed that is how my cutting started too. I think over the years I have learnt to reduce the amount of times I lose control and hit my head, via cutting. My head banging often seems to be a result of mounting anxiety/mental pain/distress over a time period - something really small can trigger it off finally, but only because I was already reaching boiling point. So, when I am cutting, my impulsive head hitting seems to decrease in regularity, I think because in a way I take control and cut the unbearable emotion out and gain calm BEFORE it gets to the point where I lose control over my body. The head banging is what scares me the most because of the loss of control, whereas the cutting is probably just as dangerous as me smashing my head against a brick wall, yet the cutting doesn't scare me as much because I don't experience a loss of control when doing it. Although, if I didn't cut when I needed to, or I tried to resist it for hours or days, that could then lead to me losing control with the cutting becoming scarily impulsive too.

However, because the cutting was getting pretty horrific, I am glad to say that I have finally managed to stop doing that (I still struggle not to): the result of me stopping was an increase in my head banging/hitting once again, but I am slowly learning to control it better via spotting warning signs that I am about to lose control, and running to lock myself away from people to hit my face hard and cry and scream until I feel safe, in order to prevent me going into a full blown state of banging my head uncontrollably on the wall. Or if I'm out and about with my boyfriend and he senses it building in me, he calmly takes me away from the crowds to somewhere quiet so that I can let it out with less humiliation and less public chaos.