Why do people get mad when I defend myself?

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jcq126
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15 Jan 2014, 11:58 am

bumble wrote:
jcq126 wrote:
ResilientBrilliance wrote:
jcq126 wrote:
You really made a thread about this? I have a strong feeling you are one of those self righteous people who think you are a lot more smart than you actually are. You complain about hostility yet the thread that sparked you creating this thread began going downhill when you became hostile and emotional over people not giving you what exactly wanted to hear. Kind of hypocritical if you ask me.

Now you are trying to garner support in this thread and backed out of the other to start fresh. Must be difficult living life as you if such trivial matters deeply affect you this much.

What makes you think you can come into my thread and personally attack me? It says much
More about you than it does me. Kiss my ass.


I'm merely making an observation which I'm sure a lot of other people on this website have already made about you. You're not even Autistic, care to remind me why you are here? Is it because you figured you were smarter than all of us so you came to an Autism forum so people would blindly agree with you and bow down to you? I have met so many NTs exactly like you, it is sickening. You have the audacity and nerve to make a thread insulting posters and literally the FIRST line of your other thread started with "I keep coming to this place for help and never get any; this is a last ditch effort. " Then you expect us to welcome you with open arms and your belittlement towards us? Why don't you try the Bipolar forum, or maybe you'd fit into a Narcissist forum instead. Even your username reeks of arrogance.


I probably should not intervene or butt in as they say, but as I don't like conflict and tend to like it when people are getting along...

I don't get on well with most NTs but I still think they should be allowed to use the site if they feel they have a good reason to. I think the OP said she has traits and maybe she likes it here most of the time (I am not diagnosed myself, but I come here because I have a lot of ASD traits and I feel I identify more with people on the spectrum in many ways than with people off of it...I don't know what world I belong in, but NT people live in a completely different world to me the majority of the time. It's also the only forum I stop to read replies on as I find the discussion here much more interesting than I do on NT boards, as well as the humour and style of communication).

@the OP

Which autistic traits do you feel you most identify with? If you don't mind my asking?


There is absolutely nothing wrong with coming to this forum, everybody from all walks of life are welcome. The point I'm trying to make is when you are a guest in someone else's home, there is certain etiquette you should follow. So if this person is coming to a forum where Autistics/ASD people have come to seek refuge and to discuss among each other, don't arrogantly stroll into the forum belittling us when you aren't even one of us. Take your shoes off at the door so to speak and show some respect.



kicker
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15 Jan 2014, 12:13 pm

@ResilientBrilliance:

Biochemistry is a rather impressive major for college. I am sure you have learned through your studies how biochemistry affects behavior and the roles it plays in socialization and pairing. As well as the roles it plays in the brain to influence perceptions and choices.

That said I am sure you can appreciate how depression and anxiety disorder can alter the brain's chemistry and affect your perception of events in your life. Wouldn't it be more beneficial for you to speak to someone who can appreciate these nuances of bio chemistry in the brain? Maybe they can help you better than an online forum can/has and be more understanding/empathetic of your particular set of circumstances.



cavernio
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15 Jan 2014, 12:26 pm

bumble wrote:
As for people who are just argumentative, they just want to be right and they don't like it when you question them. You have to sing their praises and bring them offerings instead. They need your worship as their ego has to be masturbated on a regular basis and they need you to rub it off for them.


*raises hand timidly* I'm an argumentative person and I love it when someone points out flaws in my logic a lot of the time. Although because I often like to argue about more...personal things regarding morals and ideology, more philosophical things, they're topics that people are often emotionally attached to and so it can be hard to keep the argument from getting angry.
I expect that you're probably highly argumentative when getting into talking about a theory too bumble.


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bumble
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15 Jan 2014, 1:06 pm

cavernio wrote:
bumble wrote:
As for people who are just argumentative, they just want to be right and they don't like it when you question them. You have to sing their praises and bring them offerings instead. They need your worship as their ego has to be masturbated on a regular basis and they need you to rub it off for them.


*raises hand timidly* I'm an argumentative person and I love it when someone points out flaws in my logic a lot of the time. Although because I often like to argue about more...personal things regarding morals and ideology, more philosophical things, they're topics that people are often emotionally attached to and so it can be hard to keep the argument from getting angry.
I expect that you're probably highly argumentative when getting into talking about a theory too bumble.


*raises hand timidly back*

I can be if it's a topic I am passionate about, some days. I prefer to call it debate as it sounds less um, um, well nicer than argument.

A debate can turn into a debacle though...and often 8O 8O



cavernio
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15 Jan 2014, 1:21 pm

Yeah, debates can turn into debaucles easily enough. Sometimes it can be fun though anyways I find...like if both parties are determined and both parties are smart, it can be a lot of fun even though anger is tinging things.
I guess I'm a masochist in more ways than 1 :-p

Debate is a good word.

I don't mind anger tinging things. I don't like hate tinging things. Hate can kiss my ass.


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ResilientBrilliance
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15 Jan 2014, 1:45 pm

cavernio wrote:
bumble wrote:
As for people who are just argumentative, they just want to be right and they don't like it when you question them. You have to sing their praises and bring them offerings instead. They need your worship as their ego has to be masturbated on a regular basis and they need you to rub it off for them.


*raises hand timidly* I'm an argumentative person and I love it when someone points out flaws in my logic a lot of the time. Although because I often like to argue about more...personal things regarding morals and ideology, more philosophical things, they're topics that people are often emotionally attached to and so it can be hard to keep the argument from getting angry.
I expect that you're probably highly argumentative when getting into talking about a theory too bumble.

I myself am not argumentative. However, I do believe in true vs. false, and will not hesitate to point something out as false. This is not personal, I just put facts/truth as top priority. Other people are the ones who have trouble accepting something is false or that they have said something false. This is what really gets me. It's a disgusting part of human nature that, thankfully, is absent in me. I guess if people admitted they were wrong, or believed in true vs. false, there would be no courts. People would just say, "I'm guilty" or "I'm wrong" but it is far more likely they'll just get angry and start personal attacks. And it forces the victim to PROVE the other is wrong since there is no way they'll willingly admit it. I'm glad to prove how I was not in the wrong:
Made thread
Responded to post, decided it wasn't nice, immediately edited
Member posts snide remark
I retun with equal snideness
Another member interjects I am always attacking people. Note he did not say anything else pertinent to thread question or topic. Just an irrevelant post he's been keeping track of my posts. Facts.


kicker wrote:
@ResilientBrilliance:

Biochemistry is a rather impressive major for college. I am sure you have learned through your studies how biochemistry affects behavior and the roles it plays in socialization and pairing. As well as the roles it plays in the brain to influence perceptions and choices.

That said I am sure you can appreciate how depression and anxiety disorder can alter the brain's chemistry and affect your perception of events in your life. Wouldn't it be more beneficial for you to speak to someone who can appreciate these nuances of bio chemistry in the brain? Maybe they can help you better than an online forum can/has and be more understanding/empathetic of your particular set of circumstances.

Thank you kicker. Yes, I may have acquired a more negative perception of things.



cavernio
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15 Jan 2014, 2:28 pm

Your debate with the members here have nothing to do with true/false though. It's about subjective experience of getting hurt. You were a little rude to someone, and it escalated.

You're both talking past each other. The truth that someone's post wasn't helpful to you is obviously true. That that person got offended by what you said is also a truth. And now the argument you're having is 'But I'm right!' and the argument the other person is having is 'But you were a jerk!'
And there's nothing for you to say in response to someone calling you a jerk except for you to say that you didn't want to hurt their feelings. (unless of course you did, in which case then you've got emotional issues and this in truth doesn't have anything to do with true/false as you are claiming)

Being right doesn't have anything to do with the emotions someone experiences. People's emotions don't work on a True/False framework. They can, but just as often they won't. This could be where you have a problem with others in general, because others get emotionally attached to arguments and you don't, and so you perceive them as being stupid when they're following their emotions.

Personally I think both of you have over-reacted. You deleted what you said because you saw it as being potentially inflammatory, but the other member didn't think that was good enough. (And note it doesn't matter what -I- think of this whole thing...I have different thresholds for when I get hurt.) And now other people are being brought in and...go both have a drink or something, a smoke, or a toke maybe.

:-S


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kicker
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15 Jan 2014, 3:14 pm

ResilientBrilliance wrote:
cavernio wrote:
bumble wrote:
As for people who are just argumentative, they just want to be right and they don't like it when you question them. You have to sing their praises and bring them offerings instead. They need your worship as their ego has to be masturbated on a regular basis and they need you to rub it off for them.


*raises hand timidly* I'm an argumentative person and I love it when someone points out flaws in my logic a lot of the time. Although because I often like to argue about more...personal things regarding morals and ideology, more philosophical things, they're topics that people are often emotionally attached to and so it can be hard to keep the argument from getting angry.
I expect that you're probably highly argumentative when getting into talking about a theory too bumble.

I myself am not argumentative. However, I do believe in true vs. false, and will not hesitate to point something out as false. This is not personal, I just put facts/truth as top priority. Other people are the ones who have trouble accepting something is false or that they have said something false. This is what really gets me. It's a disgusting part of human nature that, thankfully, is absent in me. I guess if people admitted they were wrong, or believed in true vs. false, there would be no courts. People would just say, "I'm guilty" or "I'm wrong" but it is far more likely they'll just get angry and start personal attacks. And it forces the victim to PROVE the other is wrong since there is no way they'll willingly admit it. I'm glad to prove how I was not in the wrong:
Made thread
Responded to post, decided it wasn't nice, immediately edited
Member posts snide remark
I retun with equal snideness
Another member interjects I am always attacking people. Note he did not say anything else pertinent to thread question or topic. Just an irrevelant post he's been keeping track of my posts. Facts.


kicker wrote:
@ResilientBrilliance:

Biochemistry is a rather impressive major for college. I am sure you have learned through your studies how biochemistry affects behavior and the roles it plays in socialization and pairing. As well as the roles it plays in the brain to influence perceptions and choices.

That said I am sure you can appreciate how depression and anxiety disorder can alter the brain's chemistry and affect your perception of events in your life. Wouldn't it be more beneficial for you to speak to someone who can appreciate these nuances of bio chemistry in the brain? Maybe they can help you better than an online forum can/has and be more understanding/empathetic of your particular set of circumstances.

Thank you kicker. Yes, I may have acquired a more negative perception of things.


Ok,so given the truth that you may have acquired a more negative perception of things, don't you think it would be wiser and show greater maturity to walk away instead of continuing the argument of something that you may have a misconception about?

I believe before this conversation got out of hand, the other posters were trying to tell you to let it drop albeit not as clearly. There really isn't a need to inflame the situation further than it has, who would that help? It only allows yourself to be more of a target for retribution and isn't accomplishing your goals. Instead of seeing it as right or wrong, why not see it as you have tried another approach, it didn't work, now you have to find one that is more acceptable. Do that by walking away till you can calm down and others as well and look at the situation objectively maybe with the help of someone you trust privately rather than opening the door to criticism in a public forum.

:D



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15 Jan 2014, 3:25 pm

Speaking as a moderator, flame wars between a couple of members often start over something very trivial, a misunderstood comment, a slightly rude or insensitive remark so someone feels hurt or offended and they lash out. This in turn makes the other member lash out too and before you know it, there is a flame war and moderators have to lock threads and give warnings to ALL the fighting members. If the moderator warnings go unheeded bannings can follow. If you think someone is being deliberately offensive towards you contact a moderator, do not start throwing insults back or things will escalate and both of you will be in hot water with the mods.


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ResilientBrilliance
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15 Jan 2014, 8:32 pm

@kicker, thanks and I agree. It's kind of hard to walk away from one's own thread, but alas, sometimes it gets abducted. This has actually gotten to be a bit much for me. I tend to enjoy the structured, minimal socializing I have on the internet, but people ruin that, as always. I sometimes wonder how I'm NOT supposed to be annoyed by people. It's always AFTER I have retaliated that I must be the bigger person and I must be the one to drop it. Why must I always be the bigger person? Why don't others stop being annoying? The answers to such things seem impossible to obtain.

TallyMan wrote:
Speaking as a moderator, flame wars between a couple of members often start over something very trivial, a misunderstood comment, a slightly rude or insensitive remark so someone feels hurt or offended and they lash out. This in turn makes the other member lash out too and before you know it, there is a flame war and moderators have to lock threads and give warnings to ALL the fighting members. If the moderator warnings go unheeded bannings can follow. If you think someone is being deliberately offensive towards you contact a moderator, do not start throwing insults back or things will escalate and both of you will be in hot water with the mods.

Thanks, maybe also consider a report feature. I did not know who the moderators were.



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15 Jan 2014, 9:01 pm

This is a random comment, but are you Glaswegian? It's just I noticed one of your replies elsewhere to someone ended "..pal"

I have a friend who is Glaswegian and other people don't seem to get her sarcastic banter. I understand it is naturally how people talk to each other in Glasgow, but those not accustomed to it find it agressive even though it isn't meant to be.

I found her a bit abrupt at first. Ok, if I'm honest I still do, but I know she means well.



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15 Jan 2014, 9:54 pm

The OP was obviously very hurt in the first post and the pain came out as anger. Needed a little support. Good job guys.



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15 Jan 2014, 11:17 pm

What happened to the peaceful threads that we used to have?


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16 Jan 2014, 3:11 am

ResilientBrilliance wrote:
@kicker, thanks and I agree. It's kind of hard to walk away from one's own thread, but alas, sometimes it gets abducted. This has actually gotten to be a bit much for me. I tend to enjoy the structured, minimal socializing I have on the internet, but people ruin that, as always. I sometimes wonder how I'm NOT supposed to be annoyed by people. It's always AFTER I have retaliated that I must be the bigger person and I must be the one to drop it. Why must I always be the bigger person? Why don't others stop being annoying? The answers to such things seem impossible to obtain.
TallyMan wrote:
Speaking as a moderator, flame wars between a couple of members often start over something very trivial, a misunderstood comment, a slightly rude or insensitive remark so someone feels hurt or offended and they lash out. This in turn makes the other member lash out too and before you know it, there is a flame war and moderators have to lock threads and give warnings to ALL the fighting members. If the moderator warnings go unheeded bannings can follow. If you think someone is being deliberately offensive towards you contact a moderator, do not start throwing insults back or things will escalate and both of you will be in hot water with the mods.

Thanks, maybe also consider a report feature. I did not know who the moderators were.


Read this link to contact mods: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt237032.html


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