eharmony

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Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
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Location: US

22 Jan 2014, 9:47 pm

what has been people's experience ?

I never even got on to it as after the survey it told me there is no person for you, we won't be able to match you but hey you should still pay us money.

I don't kid that's pretty much what it told me

LeftWeems
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22 Jan 2014, 10:16 pm

Damn, that's messed up. I've only really used OKCupid. Got one date out of it and one girl who I think I could have gone on a date with but I didn't feel compatible with. Dating websites that charge seem like a bit of a waste IMO but I'm sure EHarmony is more apt at match-making then OKC is.

thewhitrbbit
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22 Jan 2014, 10:17 pm

I used it twice, the first time they said I was unmatchable, but the next time I answered the questions a little more firmly. Their system seems to struggle with people who are too easy going.

b_edward
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22 Jan 2014, 10:48 pm

That must be nice to be told you're unmatchable by folks who have not ever met you.

thewhitrbbit
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22 Jan 2014, 11:01 pm

b_edward wrote:

That must be nice to be told you're unmatchable by folks who have not ever met you.

It was until I realized what it was saying. It's based on matching people, if your too easy going, you match with everyone in a way, and it reduces the likelyhood of a good match

1401b
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22 Jan 2014, 11:37 pm

sly279 wrote:

[...]

I never even got on to it as after the survey it told me there is no person for you, we won't be able to match you but hey you should still pay us money.

[...]

ROFLMAO!

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TheGoggles
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22 Jan 2014, 11:40 pm

I read about this happening on Reddit. Apparently if you're not conservative enough, it'll tell you to get lost. One dude managed to sign up for a profile, but when he changed his religion to "Jewish" it gave him the same message you got.

pete1061
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22 Jan 2014, 11:51 pm

I got the same "you're not normal enough for our site" response years ago when I checked them out.

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Meistersinger
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23 Jan 2014, 12:05 am

I don't trust online dating sites. Who knows what weirdo NT is out there to screw you over?

Jono
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23 Jan 2014, 3:36 am

TheGoggles wrote:

The site owner and creator is even against gay marriage and eHarmony didn't cater to gay and lesbian couples until a lawsuit forced them to launch their sister site called "compatible partners". It was initially a christian dating site.

GiantHockeyFan
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23 Jan 2014, 10:03 am

I wish looking back that eHarmony wasn't the first dating site I tried. I went in with sky high expectations (having a high opinion of women in general) and was shocked to find women in general on these sites are poor quality. I broke off communications with several girls who contacted me and realize I may (or may not) have let my disillusionment blind me. They were probably the worst on the site but now I realize it doesn't get much better sadly. OKCupid and especially POF was just downright depressing.

eHarmony was by far the best and I had a very large number of matches but the interface was downright terrible and made me come across as a stalker because I could never remember which "Sarah" of the 8 I was communicating with without opening their profile again and again. That's not to mention the high cost and the VERY shady way they make it incredibly difficult to cancel your 'automatic renewal' membership. Yes, it did match me up with some very high quality, down to earth women but sadly none of them were interested. One even blocked me when I just asked to communicate Oh well it was a learning experience that's for sure. Wasn't as bad as most say but in three months, I got exactly 0 dates and only 1 communication that got serious: that is until she completely flaked on me after a couple of weeks.

Jono
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23 Jan 2014, 10:20 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

Oh well it was a learning experience that's for sure. Wasn't as bad as most say but in three months, I got exactly 0 dates and only 1 communication that got serious: that is until she completely flaked on me after a couple of weeks.

What was your first message to them. I normally use OKCupid but my first message was usually a question. OKCupid's fine, you just need to know how to use your match questions to filter out all the bad matches. Doesn't always work because some people answer less than 10 questions but I normally won't message anyone who's answered less than 20.

aspiemike
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23 Jan 2014, 1:01 pm

With some of the points illustrated and knowing I have similar experiences... All I will say is this: Online dating sites almost destroyed my opinion of women and relationships. To this day, I wonder why I even bothered with a dating site when the overwhelming majority of relationships or flings I got into (9/10 approx) started offline.

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FMX
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23 Jan 2014, 6:05 pm

There was a thread about eHarmony recently: https://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf191911-0-30.html

It sounds like something between a scam and a cult. From http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the ... successful :

Quote:

According to Dan Ariely, the secret of eHarmony's success is eliminating choice. Too many choices could be debilitating, which is why we need choice mediators. If you join any other computer dating service, like Match.com, you have to read hundreds and thousands of profiles of potential dates, and you have to decide whom you want to contact, and you have to decide whom you want to date. eHarmony eliminates all the debilitating choices for you. They tell you whom to date (based upon lengthy questionnaires that members fill out upon joining), and you have to date whom they tell you to date, at least for a while. (And you have to sleep with your date after the third date, and you have to try three different sexual positions randomly determined by the eHarmony supercomputer.) (emphasis mine)

Normally I'd assume that last part is a joke, but given what I've heard about eHarmony so far, I'm not sure... But this explanation of their success sounds plausible to me. (Oh, and I'm a fan of Dan Ariely in general.)

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Jono
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24 Jan 2014, 5:04 am

Reasons for being rejected by e-Harmony:

Quote:

Reasons People Are Rejected According to eHarmony

1. The number one reason is because the applicant is married. Close to 30 percent of all the applicants answer “yes” to being married on the questionnaire. This is surprising because you would think if someone were married and signing up (presumably to cheat) that they would lie about it. Apparently not. At the same time, I know several couples who have wanted to try eHarmony just to see if they would be matched with their husband or wife. Maybe these people account for some of the rejections? Seems hard to believe so many people would answer this way otherwise.
2. Almost as many applicants are rejected because they are below age 21, the minimum age for using the service.
3. If you are younger than 60 and have been married 4 or more times you’ll get rejected
4. Being gay or lesbian will get you rejected. eHarmony was actually sued over this and as part of the settlement has opened a new service called CompatiblePartners.
5. Answering the questions in a way that eHarmony considers inconsistent will get you rejected. Many of the questions are repeated throughout and if you answer similar questions in different ways, it can get you rejected.
6. If you answer the questions in such a way that eHarmony is unsure how to match you, you will also get rejected.
7. eHarmony will also reject you if they feel your profile answers suggest you have depression

http://www.datingadviceguy.com/2009/09/22/why-are-people-rejected-by-eharmony/

GiantHockeyFan
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24 Jan 2014, 7:56 am

Jono wrote:

Here's essentially what I wrote. eHarmony has a guided communication process but I elected to skip it since I had already met this girl in person and had a 'small talk' chat about a year previously, which is where I found out how similar we were.

Quote:

Hi (Girl), it's GHF. If you are interested in getting to know each other I would love to hear from you!

I'm very open about who I am and am not in any way some kind of stalker. After sending this message, this girl immediately pulled all her pictures too. WTF? If that's "creepy" or coming on too strong then I give up. No girl ever responded to my messages but to be fair, I only initiated with a handful of them. I suppose she might have got creeped out by me using her real first name, but she obviously knew mine as well!

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