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Who_Am_I
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25 Jan 2014, 11:19 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I can be around a bunch of people and do my own thing


See, that's not actually socialising. It's parallel play. Neurotypical toddlers do it as a precursor to true socialisation.
Socialising implies interaction.


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RossKF
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26 Jan 2014, 7:40 am

bumble wrote:
1 Having to make conversation and constantly think of things to say about subjects I don't usually spend anytime thinking about when I am alone (such as what is trendy or what is not. I tend to do things because I enjoy them, not because they are in fashion)

2 Having to remember not to keep on about my pet subjects

3 Having to remember that conversation is a two way thing if I do accidentally find myself rattling on about my pet subject

4 Putting up with peoples complaints all of the time "you talk too much, change the subject, you don't talk enough, make eye contact, be more trendy, be more interesting..."

5 Coping with all the background noise when everyone else is talking all at once and not being able to hear what they are saying

6 Coping with other factors such as having to wear uncomfortable clothing (at parties where you can't dress casually for example) or make up or high heel shoes or horrible lighting.

7 Coping with all the drama involved...the gossip, the bitching, the backstabbing...when all you want is a congenial time enjoying subjects of mutual interest (either doing together or talking about).

8 Constantly putting up with being rejected, referred to as weird, bullied, outcast, ostracised and generally treated like dog sh** on the successful NTs shoe.

9 Getting stuck in a conversation and not knowing how to end it without feeling like you are being rude.

10 Dominating people trying to dominate you and tell you what to do and who to be all the time.

11 Trying to read social cues and attempting to keep up with all the social games but failing.

12 No time to get anything else done because social demands are so high (people want to chit chat and socialise every minute of every day to the point it can be impossible to find time to shower, eat and indulge your hobbies...constant social pressure).

Those are my main reasons...


I can relate to all these reasons!
But mostly 1,2,3 .
I am not used to talking, the most talking I do is with my girlfriend who at the moment I see 2-3 days a month. And even that is an effort for me, I have to think so hard about what to say because its not natural for me and in the back of my mind I keep thinking how the day is being waste as I have not achieved one thing creative. This is why I am so terrified of the fact she wants us to move in together. :(



FallingDownMan
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26 Jan 2014, 10:45 am

droppy wrote:
I find the sound of many voices talking together overwhelming and confusing, reason why I hate most group interaction, unless the people are quiet and don't talk all together. When more than one person is talking I feel dizzy and confused and I have to move away from the group, otherwise I am going to have a great meltdown.
This is why when I'm in the same room with a lot of people I usually listen to music with my earphones.
I don't know if the noise could be defined as exhausting for me but sure is overwhelming and confusing to me.
About the low processing speed I was told I have it. It takes me some seconds to understand what a person has told me and this is why I answer late. I have to analyze what has been said because I don't get it immediately, either because I have forgotten it as quickly as it has been said or because I can't focus due to the background noise.


You should look up "cocktail party effect." It is an ability I know that I lack. I can't handle more than one conversation in my vicinity at a time. I start trying to interact with all of them.

Personally, I can't say that I feel "exhausted" after large group social activities. I just don't want to be around more than a couple of people at a time for hours to days afterwards. I will even avoid replying to people via email or the telephone after large group activities. I need lots of "me time" afterwards.



ouroborosUK
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26 Jan 2014, 12:55 pm

I do find it exhausting, and I can relate to most of bumble's list, too.

At some times I find it depressing because, despite everything, I do want rewarding, interesting social interactions. There are simply too many things interesting things you just can't do alone, and some people are interesting in their own way. But it rarely works. I feel a bit like a moth flying around a flame.

I read that according to some people, it is a difference between HFA and AS : people with HFA just don't care about social interaction (up to a point), people with AS long for a rewarding social life (up to a point, again), but can't have it / don't know what to do. What do you think of it ?


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tjr1243
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26 Jan 2014, 4:16 pm

I find social interaction exhausting, particularly 1 on 1. The reason it is so tiring is because I have to make a lot of effort to think of appropriate things to say.



Waterfalls
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26 Jan 2014, 7:14 pm

ouroborosUK wrote:
I do find it exhausting, and I can relate to most of bumble's list, too.

At some times I find it depressing because, despite everything, I do want rewarding, interesting social interactions. There are simply too many things interesting things you just can't do alone, and some people are interesting in their own way. But it rarely works. I feel a bit like a moth flying around a flame.

I read that according to some people, it is a difference between HFA and AS : people with HFA just don't care about social interaction (up to a point), people with AS long for a rewarding social life (up to a point, again), but can't have it / don't know what to do. What do you think of it ?

People say lots of things. In the US we seem to have gotten rid of the AS diagnosis for now, but the difference is mainly language abilities. There are people who fit the AS label who don't care to be involved in social interaction. And people who fit HFA who do want this. I don't think it's valid.

I suspect, and this is just my opinion, that the difference may be in whether a person is able to come close enough to social connections without perceiving the effort as unmanageably painful, such that it seems worth trying to be social, so that one is motivated to care to be social by the possibility of being at least somewhat successful.