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dianthus
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27 Jan 2014, 2:07 pm

I thought of posting this because I noticed in another thread someone mentioned that a massage could bring on a meltdown. I had a horrible, disaster massage experience a few years ago.

I have back problems and I used to see a chiropractor. One time when my back was really messed up, he suggested I try medical massage. I went a couple of times and I must have been lucky with who I got because it was amazing. My back muscles had been locked into a hard spasm for months and getting a massage was the only thing that really helped me. It was expensive though.

A couple of years later, I decided to try it again. I asked for the same woman who had massaged me before. It was wonderful so I decided to sign up for a year contract so I would get a discount on the rate. I guess I didn't think about whether or not I would always be able to see the same person, or that it would make a difference.

The next month when it was time to make another appointment, I wasn't able to see the same one. I thought, oh well I'll just see someone else. HUGE mistake. It was horrible! So painful. I felt like I was being tortured. I just suffered through it because I didn't know what else to do. I fell apart after I left. I thought, okay, lesson learned, from now on I'll just see the other lady.

Then it turned out that the one who was good, was changing her schedule and wouldn't be working there much anymore. Our schedules didn't match up so I wouldn't be able to see her. I flipped out. I'd had no reason to think this might be a problem when I signed the contract. Now I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to try anyone else after having such a bad experience with the other one.

I asked them if I could be released from the contract. Otherwise I was going to be charged every month for a massage whether I even had one or not. I talked to the owners and she refused. She was such a b***h about it too. She was mocking me for wanting to see that one therapist in particular. She wanted to know what it was about her that I liked so much. I think she was trying to imply that I might have a lesbian crush on the woman but she never came right out and said it. I never know how to handle it when people try to imply things like that.

I told her how the two different therapists had used different techniques. She was not pleased to hear about it. It turned out that the therapist I liked had been using advanced techniques she wasn't supposed to use in a regular massage. They were supposed to charge MORE money for using THOSE techniques. But I guess she did those for people because she really wanted to help people. So without meaning to, I had unwittingly ratted her out to her boss and probably got her in trouble for it. I felt so bad about that.

Also it turned out that the one I liked, was not working there much anymore because she had to get another job. She needed insurance and the massage place didn't offer health insurance to their employees. I think she was only continuing to work there at all because her clients really liked her.

Now I was catching on that the owners were greedy, they were losing their best people and had a lot of problems there and somehow I had stumbled into the middle of all of it and got trapped. And after having such horrible conversations with the owner I just didn't even want to go near the place anymore. I wanted nothing to do with the place.

Anyway she refused to let me out of the contract without trying at least one more massage therapist. She just insisted that I should be able to find someone else. I dreaded having to go back but it was the only choice I had really. So I tried one more. This one was horrible too. I had a huge meltdown in the middle of it. I started sobbing hysterically and I just couldn't stop. It wasn't just the bad massage, it was all of it, the way the owner had talked to me, everything about it had been stressing me out for weeks and I just fell apart.

At that point I begged them to let me out of the contract. I had to wait while the receptionist called the owner. She finally said okay. I felt really humiliated and traumatized by the whole thing. I didn't know why it was so upsetting for me. I mean, I knew WHY but I didn't know why I would just completely fall apart over it. It's kind of the story of my life, I tell myself that something shouldn't be such a big deal, but it is anyway.

Was it the combination of sensory issues + the way too complicated social dynamics of it all? Has anyone else had a bad experience like this?



binaryodes
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27 Jan 2014, 3:06 pm

These sortds of social dynamics give me a splitting headache. Best thing to do is extricate yourself form the situation. No good can come of those twisted gamez


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jamgrrl
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27 Jan 2014, 3:40 pm

If that had happened to me a few years ago, yeah, I would have freaked out. I totally understand your stress. I used to never complain about anything because I didn't know how to let people know when they were hurting me or physically irritating. It would lead to overstimulation and anxiety, tho I can't remember if it ever directly led to meltdown. Probably not, but if there was social pressure, conflict, or emotions on top of that, yeah, I could have melted down. That strategy involved alot of repression which led me to avoid lots of opportunities and fun experiences.

I've been training myself with several coping mechanisms that release lots of pressure in those kinds of situations. One is letting myself (sometimes MAKING myself), let the person know when something is uncomfortable. Sometimes that's through making an adjustment myself (moving my arm if it's uncomfortable), or saying it out loud if I can't use body language. Coming up with the words is sometimes hard, but it gets easier the more I practice it and watch other people do the same. "Ouch, that's too much," "Not so hard," "Softer", etc. "I'm getting OS (overstimulated)" works really well with my family when they're too loud or too touchy-feely.

The conflict and social stuff has gotten easier, too, but hearing your tale and imagining what I would do just fills me with dread. I've been developing a firm, confident persona, and working on believing I have the right to assert myself, and that seems to help me calm down during those times. The ability to assert power goes a long way towards not feeling powerless, which really helps alleviate some of the anxiety.

That's what works for me, but alot of it depends on your starting position, the current ways you deal with things, and how those methods are working or not working for you.


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Ashariel
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27 Jan 2014, 3:45 pm

One time I got a massage as a gift. It was a painfully horrible experience (and I was too shy to admit that I hated it, so I just had to lie there and suffer through it! Ahhh!)



Ettina
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27 Jan 2014, 6:56 pm

Don't just suffer through a massage. Give the person massaging you feedback (eg 'not there', 'that hurts', that sort of thing). Otherwise, if it's painful, you have yourself to blame for that. They can't read your mind, and what helps one person hurts another.



Ettina
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27 Jan 2014, 6:56 pm

Don't just suffer through a massage. Give the person massaging you feedback (eg 'not there', 'that hurts', that sort of thing). Otherwise, if it's painful, you have yourself to blame for that. They can't read your mind, and what helps one person hurts another.



Ashariel
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27 Jan 2014, 7:43 pm

Ettina wrote:
Don't just suffer through a massage. Give the person massaging you feedback (eg 'not there', 'that hurts', that sort of thing). Otherwise, if it's painful, you have yourself to blame for that. They can't read your mind, and what helps one person hurts another.


Good advice in general - though personally I'm never getting a massage again! Mine happened before I was diagnosed with Aspergers, and I'd spent a lifetime just trying to 'grin and bear it' and fit in, no matter how painful it was. I hate being touched in general, and struggle to communicate even under the best of circumstances, so I was just trying to hold myself together and not scream! :(



dianthus
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27 Jan 2014, 7:49 pm

I would never have one again either. Even though it can be wonderful when it's done right, it's too much of a gamble when you have to try someone new. And it was too upsetting getting involved with the office politics and personalities at that place.

I don't think it would have made any difference if I said it was hurting me. I did say that with the second one who was bad but she couldn't adjust her technique at all to make it any better. I don't think the other one could have either.



dianthus
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27 Jan 2014, 7:50 pm

Ettina wrote:
Don't just suffer through a massage. Give the person massaging you feedback (eg 'not there', 'that hurts', that sort of thing). Otherwise, if it's painful, you have yourself to blame for that. They can't read your mind, and what helps one person hurts another.


I find this comment very mean spirited and rude.



zer0netgain
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27 Jan 2014, 10:00 pm

Call your local legal aid office and say they are discriminating against a customer with a disability. Make them earn that money if they keep it.



Sethno
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28 Jan 2014, 5:29 am

dianthus wrote:
Ettina wrote:
Don't just suffer through a massage. Give the person massaging you feedback (eg 'not there', 'that hurts', that sort of thing). Otherwise, if it's painful, you have yourself to blame for that. They can't read your mind, and what helps one person hurts another.


I find this comment very mean spirited and rude.



That doesn't make any sense. If a service provider is hurting you, you have the right to say so. If you don't say so, they have no way of knowing.



Ashariel
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29 Jan 2014, 11:07 am

Sethno wrote:
dianthus wrote:
Ettina wrote:
Don't just suffer through a massage. Give the person massaging you feedback (eg 'not there', 'that hurts', that sort of thing). Otherwise, if it's painful, you have yourself to blame for that. They can't read your mind, and what helps one person hurts another.


I find this comment very mean spirited and rude.


That doesn't make any sense. If a service provider is hurting you, you have the right to say so. If you don't say so, they have no way of knowing.


I think the part that came across as hurtful is saying "you have yourself to blame" for not being able to communicate your needs – which is a little harsh for someone who is autistic, and is in imminent danger of having a complete meltdown from painful overstimulation and social distress.

I don't think it's our fault that we struggle to communicate effectively in such a situation, or that we should feel ashamed or "blame ourselves" for our failure to do so. :?



dianthus
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29 Jan 2014, 5:46 pm

Ashariel wrote:
I think the part that came across as hurtful is saying "you have yourself to blame" for not being able to communicate your needs – which is a little harsh for someone who is autistic, and is in imminent danger of having a complete meltdown from painful overstimulation and social distress.

I don't think it's our fault that we struggle to communicate effectively in such a situation, or that we should feel ashamed or "blame ourselves" for our failure to do so. :?


Yes, exactly. Thank you Ashariel.

But I really don't think it would have made any difference anyway. When I spoke up during the last massage session, it didn't make any difference to how the therapist was touching me. It was still painful. I think by the time it became painful, I was already in sensory overload so any kind of touch probably would have been painful.

And it was a fact that the two massage therapists who had a painful touch were using a poorer technique than the other one I had been comfortable with. They were following the dictates of the owner who didn't want them to use more advanced techniques with clients like me who were paying the lower rate. The owner was not concerned at all that I had a bad experience, or that I might have another bad experience if I had to try yet another new massage therapist. She just wanted to keep me locked into the contract.

I think anyone who is saying "you can only blame yourself" didn't read my OP.