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How do I Deal with These Clingy ASD People?

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vickygleitz
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30 Jan 2014, 4:20 pm

clingy people are difficult to deal with without hurting their feelings, and I sympathize with that.

BUT...Why do you prefer friendships with NTs'? I mean, being autistic, you understand other autisitcs. We, in general are less pretentious than NTs', less shallow, less lemming like, more loyal, more honest, etc.? I guess I understand if you are,for instance, an extroverted Autist. you would be much more likely to be able to find other extroverted NTs' than you would extroverted autistics. If that is not the reason, I'm confused and a bit disturbed why you would prefer the company of NTs' to your own people.[ or possibly I misunderstood your post, in which case I apologize]



dianthus
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30 Jan 2014, 9:17 pm

Niall wrote:
Not only is the reciprocal interest of someone else often a matter of guesswork, but some NTs have this bizarre, destructive custom of "playing hard to get". IMV, someone playing grubby mind games like this isn't worth your time, but these NTs see it as getting the male to prove his interest. There is a really good feminist analysis on why "playing hard to get" is a bad idea: http://feminspire.com/why-i-never-play-hard-to-get/ To me, no means no, even if it might mean maybe coming from some NT females. I'm sure, however, that there are Aspie males who have a particularly hard time with this one.

This comes back to what I said above. Clear boundaries good. Hints bad.


Great article, thanks for the link. I agree with the comments that it contributes to rape culture. I've never played hard to get, but I've had friends (both male and female) tell me I should and I thought it was a horrible idea.

I have had many experiences where I said no (to being asked out on a date or otherwise declining a guy's romantic interest) and the guy just wouldn't let it go, even if I just gave a flat no, or told them off pretty rudely. It's almost like there was nothing I could do to convince them. It's mind boggling to me that they seem to think I might change my mind. The last thing I'd want to do is spend time with someone who doesn't take no for an answer, and not only for fear of being raped, but also for fear of being dragged along to places I don't want to go to, served food I don't want to eat, etc. just because they don't accept my preferences for what I say them to be.