Do you intellectually intimidate people?

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Oren
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09 Feb 2014, 2:17 pm

No. My mind is a warehouse of trivia, but people find it interesting, not intimidating.


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09 Feb 2014, 2:22 pm

Ashariel wrote:
I don't know if 'intimidate' is the right word, but I learned as a kid that nobody likes a know-it-all, or a teacher's pet, or a show-off. So I learned early on to just keep quiet, and often pretended not to know the answers to things in school, so I wouldn't get picked on.

It's interesting how we get bullied for our strengths, as well as our weaknesses. :?


^This, but it was the teachers who were mean about it, more so than the other kids. They would stop calling on me in class because they said I had to give the other students a chance. So I learned early on to just keep my mouth shut. But then someone would get mad because I knew the answer all along and didn't say what it was, so I couldn't win either way.

I do think the teachers found me intimidating. Some were really nice to me and I tended to be teacher's pet, not just because I was the smart kid but because I got upset and cried so easily. But some teachers were really nasty towards me and seemed like they disliked me in particular because I was smart.

Other kids picked on me more for physical things, like my pale skin, poor posture, tremor, and lack of athletic ability. And they teased me for being quiet or "shy" and for crying. I think being smart was maybe the one thing that allowed me some respect, but ironically I wasn't supposed to show how smart I was either.

As I got older, I got sent to counselors a lot in school but they couldn't really do anything with me. I always knew what they were getting at if they asked me a question so they couldn't pull any kind of tricks on me. When I was in private school they required me to see a counselor under supervision of a psychologist, and the two of them working together couldn't crack me. They finally told my mother that they couldn't counsel me because I knew too much about psychology and they wouldn't see me anymore.

I found out in jobs that supervisors don't like it when you point out things that they didn't know, or didn't notice, so I learned to keep my mouth shut about things like that too.

If I let people know how smart I am, I risk that they will hate me for it, but if I don't let them know, they assume I'm much less intelligent than I am and talk down to me. I feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I think people basically just mistreat me because I'm me, no matter what I do. So I don't know how on earth I am even supposed to be me. When I think about all the mixed messages I've gotten from other people over the years, I think it is a miracle I can still function at all.



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09 Feb 2014, 2:34 pm

If by "intellectually intimidate" people you mean bore them, then sure. Rarely is anyone interested with what I have to say about my special interests.



btbnnyr
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09 Feb 2014, 3:04 pm

I don't know if I intellectually intimidate people.

I am insensitive to these things.


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yellowtamarin
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09 Feb 2014, 3:10 pm

More often the other way around. I'm not great with my words when I'm talking in person, and I have a bad memory when it comes to trivia and things I've studied.

But apparently I can be intimidating in writing. The last person I was dating said she nearly didn't contact me because my online profile was intellectually intimidating.



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09 Feb 2014, 3:13 pm

Yes. I've even been warned by one older priest (a very smart and wise man himself -- he and I have become good friends) that I am extremely intimidating intellectually, to which my response used to be, "Really?" Professors were frightened to have me in class. Shows you how clueless I am as an Aspie.

However, it's true, and it has made me a number of enemies in the priesthood who are insanely jealous of me. So I have learned to "tone it down" especially in parish work, because I certainly don't want to alienate any of my parishioners.

I recently discovered I can do the whole calendar savant thing (I figured out an algorithm, and now it's been sucked into my right brain and I become Rain Man when I'm posed with a question like what weekday is Feb 20, 4086 -- Wednesday) which freaks people out.

But, I must admit, I sort of enjoy it. You have to take delight in the gifts God has given you, right? :bounce:



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09 Feb 2014, 3:30 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
You have to take delight in the gifts God has given you, right? :bounce:


As an Atheist, I have to agree with the sentiment, though I think my gifts came from lesser invertebrates. :D



LoveNotHate
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09 Feb 2014, 3:30 pm

Just talking about an intellectual curiosity can make some people think you are arrogant.



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09 Feb 2014, 3:31 pm

I go to a university that is "below" my level. I often end up answering all the questions in lectures. I know from overhearing some of my "classmates" that this intimidates them, and I try not to always give the answers, but the alternative is sitting in a big room where it seems nobody knows the answer to a simple question.

At school, we were more tight-knit, people knew I had "other" difficulties (though I think they probably underestimated the extent of them), and there were people who were smarter than me and more around my level, so all in all I don't think most people were particularly intimidated. At university, the standards are lower (!) so I stand out more, and people don't necessarily know I'm autistic, prone to depression and anxiety, and usually lonely.



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09 Feb 2014, 3:34 pm

I've had people tell me that they think I'm smarter than they are, but I try not to come off like a know-it-all, because I've met too many people smarter than myself to get arrogant about it. Even if I thought I was the smartest person in the room (and sometimes I am) I would never want people to feel like I believed that. I have a hard enough time making friends without being a pretentious blowhard. Besides, there are too many holes in my education for me to get too cocky. If the subject is say, math for instance, then I'm almost certainly the dumbest person in the room.

I do think my vocabulary and verbal communication skills often convince people that I'm smarter than I may actually be. :nerdy: But I'm okay with that. :D



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09 Feb 2014, 3:36 pm

Intimidate I do not think of at all. Curious and interesting have been used.


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09 Feb 2014, 3:45 pm

When it comes down to it, people "don't care what you know, they want to know that you care."



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09 Feb 2014, 3:55 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
When it comes down to it, people "don't care what you know, they want to know that you care."

"they want to know that you care." yep


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09 Feb 2014, 3:58 pm

Intimidate? I don't think so. When I come with those encyclopedia knowledges and statistics and facts or a crazily intelligent idea, in the worst case they laugh.
(not making fun of me, but rather laughing friendly like "that's so linatet!" or "I would have never thought of that!")
Hmmm actually the worst case is that they ignore me or tell me to go back to the conversation flow, but my friends don't do it because that's rude. So, I'm never seen as intimidating, rather as awesome and funny or weird and invisible. Possibly because I'm not intimidating at all, I speak softly and I am sweet and friendly.



JSBACHlover
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09 Feb 2014, 4:07 pm

Just say with a smile, "I have Asperger's so my brain can do many things very well, and some things not so well. But I just enjoy having you as friends."

Awwwwwwwwww. Doesn't that make it all better? Then we can sing "Kumbaya" and have a group hug.



Last edited by JSBACHlover on 09 Feb 2014, 6:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Si_82
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09 Feb 2014, 4:08 pm

When I had my diagnostic assessment for ASD, two out of the panel of three openly admitted I was talking over their heads when trying to articulate my suspected alexithymia. I think this is true when it comes to an area of special interest but we tend to have very uneven ability distributions so the shoe is often on the other foot.


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