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Why dating sites are BS

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Harvey
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24 Dec 2014, 4:08 pm

dating sites are money making businesses, preying on desperate people, especially designed for the NT mindset...

Quite profitable business may I add...

Also its rubbish...


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mpe
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24 Dec 2014, 6:45 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
It's been the story of life that as a brutally honest person, I am accused of lying or cheating quite frequently by ignorant people who don't know me.

This can be an issue where being dishonest, in certain ways, is seen as "normal". So anyone who is brutally honest sticks out like the probverial "sore thumb".



white_as_snow
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25 Dec 2014, 12:07 pm

I dont know how it is in other countrys, but in Sweden, dating sites sucks.

Almost everyone is a man, and many girls profile are just trolls.

Its very hard as a male to get a respond, so I tried to make a female account, and oh boy....100 messages in a week.



mpe
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25 Dec 2014, 2:15 pm

white_as_snow wrote:
I dont know how it is in other countrys, but in Sweden, dating sites sucks.

Almost everyone is a man, and many girls profile are just trolls.

Its very hard as a male to get a respond, so I tried to make a female account, and oh boy....100 messages in a week.

Interestingly I don't think I've ever seen any suggestion that women should pose as men of dating sites. Even though it's not uncommon for men who complain about them sucking to "try it as a woman"...



yellowtamarin
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25 Dec 2014, 4:41 pm

mpe wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
Granted, a dating site probably doesn't have the full spectrum of single people to choose from, but neither does a bar, a supermarket, a church, etc.

Not everyone will go to these kind of places to meet people (if they go at all). I've never seen anything remotely "social" in supermarkets. Also there are people who'd go to bars just to drink or churches just to worship.

Of course. That's one reason I find dating sites a LOT easier to get dates from than anywhere else. Most people on a dating site are looking for dates. Handy!



KayteeKay
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04 Jan 2015, 7:59 am

Even free sites, like POF & OKCupid? How, exactly, do those exploit you for financial gain??



yellowtamarin
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04 Jan 2015, 6:37 pm

KayteeKay wrote:
Even free sites, like POF & OKCupid? How, exactly, do those exploit you for financial gain??

They tricks you with the ads, so tempting that you just HAVE to click! Or something...



Stargazer43
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04 Jan 2015, 6:57 pm

My one gripe with dating sites is that I think they promote a "window-shopping" mentality. By that I mean that they give people the illusion of hundreds of potential matches in their immediate area, each one better than the next. This can make people treat dating more like shopping for a new car rather than a potential partner. ("I really like him/her and could see myself in a relationship with them, but oooo, this one has been to 20 countries and speaks fluent German!!"). I've even been guilty of this a handful of times, and I've seen the people I've dated do it also.

Once you really delve into it though, you start to realize that there aren't as many matches as it appears. When you cut out people you aren't attracted to, those with non-complimentary personalities or lifestyles, those who don't share your interests, those who are looking for different types of relationships, and those who are too far geographically...you're really left with an extremely small pool of people. That's true off-line as well, but off-line you don't really get the illusion of having hundreds of potential suitors lined up in a row.



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04 Jan 2015, 8:35 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
KayteeKay wrote:
Even free sites, like POF & OKCupid? How, exactly, do those exploit you for financial gain??

They tricks you with the ads, so tempting that you just HAVE to click! Or something...

ad revenue and A list. "want to see whos liked you, well pay us a big amount of money each month and we'll tell you" honestly if it was like 1-2 a month and done monthly I might do it. but $10 a month. I pay $8 for netflix and get hundreds and thousands of movies and shows. I pay $5 for psn and get to get hours and hours and hours of gaming. what does okcupid offer me. lets me see the 14 people who liked me. I only need a day to see that, not really worth $10. oh being able to be materialistic in my search results, meh. so maybe for women. and guys looking for thin girls to sex, on a regular basis it might be worth it. also $5 a month for 6 months. way to say hey we know you're still be single in 6 months so you but pay us in advance. lol

pof is similar but more strict. at least on okcupid it says such and such liked you on my phone so i screenshot the name and search for them. pof use to let you see the people who liked you but now they followed okc and locked it behind a pay wall.



Echolalia
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04 Jan 2015, 11:14 pm

I've tried dating sites and they never worked for me primarily because I don't photograph well. I'm better looking IRL, which is not say to say I'm that much better looking than most women. But it helped that I was slim and petite. I never experienced being flooded with messages because I was a woman. Maybe my photo wasn't interesting enough.

Mostly I would get messages (a couple a week) from men who were 15-20yrs my senior, suggesting that they were young at heart accompanied by a picture of themselves dressed inappropriately or doing something very stupid. Yeah, not fun. At the time I wasn't even 30, so I'm not sure why they thought I would be interested in dating a 50yr old. There is just such a massive gap in life stages. I messaged a couple of guys in my age group and never got a reply at all.

Pretty much realised it wasn't for me at that point. Most of my life I have never been single so there was no reason to try this avenue when I seemed to be meeting people IRL anyway. Maybe that's a reason why a lot of women don't bother with dating sites.


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Lockeye
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05 Jan 2015, 12:13 am

I've done the online dating thing for 11 years now off and on, depending on when I'm available or not, and have been in a few relationships. It really is a hit or miss with each date. I feel like it's a broken pattern now and it's really difficult to find anyone on the spectrum through dating sites because it's not something anyone posts about on their profile. I put that I had ASD in part of my profile for a while and I watched slowly as my messages were never really responded to. Dating web sites were not made for us in mind, which is why I keep my expectations low, even though you could say I'm a somewhat frequent visitor of okcupid.


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Vomelche
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06 Jan 2015, 3:09 pm

sly279 wrote:
ad revenue and A list. "want to see whos liked you, well p
ay us a big amount of money each month and we'll tell you" honestly if it was like 1-2 a month and done monthly I might do it. but $10 a month. I pay $8 for netflix and get hundreds and thousands of movies and shows. I pay $5 for psn and get to get hours and hours and hours of gaming. what does okcupid offer me. lets me see the 14 people who liked me. I only need a day to see that, not really worth $10. oh being able to be materialistic in my search results, meh. so maybe for women. and guys looking for thin girls to sex, on a regular basis it might be worth it. also $5 a month for 6 months. way to say hey we know you're still be single in 6 months so you but pay us in advance. lol

pof is similar but more strict. at least on okcupid it says such and such liked you on my phone so i screenshot the name and search for them. pof use to let you see the people who liked you but now they followed okc and locked it behind a pay wall.


I also noticed on the free OKCupid, my matches screen gets blotted out by very obese and unattractive people. Then you see this ad at the top saying that if you buy premium you will be able to "sort by attractiveness and body type". Seems these guys are really out to make some cash by sneaking some in.

From what I've heard many times and seen, is that the paid websites are generally better if you are serious about trying it. You get what you pay for just like with anything else.



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06 Jan 2015, 3:42 pm

XJ220RACER wrote:
Thank you for posting this. Aspies should only use the computer for playing games and reading up on our interests, because it simply can not be used to flourish ourselves into social and dating competence. That only comes with real world experience which is not some rectangular 2-D life and anyone who knows enough about interaction should know this. Some Aspies are exceptionally good learners so as long as one isn't overly rigid and left-brained, which not all Aspies are deep down, it's not that difficult to become acquainted.

Just being out in a work-school environment should be enough to get you started - just like you shouldn't go straight to the nightclub alone, you shouldn't go straight from having no social experience to online dating. Because online dating is like a nightclub for introverts. There's no red carpet or disco ball but everyone resorts to the same fake and uncomfortable behavior, really it's posturing. Just like pulling up to the club in a Lambo and being the best dancer on its floor will get you the most attractive guy/girl there, doing whatever it is that the most "successful" online daters do will have the same effect...and then what? What happens when you do score a meeting with someone who aroused you over cyberspace? It probably won't be that good...

And reminder to everyone that dating websites, especially the free ones, are still filled with an endless amount of prostitutes, date rapists, STD hosts, stalkers, jailbait, so on. Please don't add AS to that cesspit, be better than that.



But online dating works! Okay, well at least it works for me. Maybe it doesn't work well for others but that's their problem. Srsly , do you really expect me to stop doing what actually gets results just because of your opinion? Not gonna happen, kiddo.



queensamaria
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06 Jan 2015, 9:08 pm

I don't like dating sites. I tried it, but it didn't work.


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KayteeKay
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06 Jan 2015, 9:36 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
My one gripe with dating sites is that I think they promote a "window-shopping" mentality. By that I mean that they give people the illusion of hundreds of potential matches in their immediate area, each one better than the next. This can make people treat dating more like shopping for a new car rather than a potential partner. ("I really like him/her and could see myself in a relationship with them, but oooo, this one has been to 20 countries and speaks fluent German!!"). I've even been guilty of this a handful of times, and I've seen the people I've dated do it also.

Once you really delve into it though, you start to realize that there aren't as many matches as it appears. When you cut out people you aren't attracted to, those with non-complimentary personalities or lifestyles, those who don't share your interests, those who are looking for different types of relationships, and those who are too far geographically...you're really left with an extremely small pool of people. That's true off-line as well, but off-line you don't really get the illusion of having hundreds of potential suitors lined up in a row.


The "making money off ads" issue is solved by, you know, not clicking on the ads.

The few times I've used free dating sites, I've simply filtered for men who are single AND who have logged onto the website within the past week, ie assuming anyone who hasn't logged on recently isn't looking for dates.



Bustduster
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13 Jan 2015, 11:56 am

Just my twopennyworth, but I don't think you meet any more BS merchants on dating sites than you do in real life - and at least on the internet you're not limited to people who live in close geographical proximity to you.

Also, the idea of meeting someone in the supermarket sounds utterly absurd to me, far more so than the idea of meeting someone online. I live in a large city where people aren't routinely friendly, and if someone you've never met before talks to you in a supermarket you instantly start to suspect they have an ulterior motive. Also, the idea of going to church is out since I'm an atheist.