For those who had behavior problems in school...

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LumpySpacePrincess
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05 Mar 2014, 10:15 pm

My 8 year old third grade son has had a dramatic spike in behavioral issues at school. Over the last three months we've seen him become louder, more reactive. We're trying to get to the root of the problem, but the school isn't telling us much (though we just had another IEP meeting to confront them about it). I know that at times he has screamed so loud it makes the other kids cry and scares them a lot. Its strange because at home he's such a sweet, considerate person, so I'm not sure what is causing these outbursts.

But my question for those who had behavioral issues in elementary school was what worked for you to help calm down? Right now I am giving him a lot of positive encouragement and highlighting the things he does correctly more than the things he doesn't do as well, we have a reward system in place, as well as a few other positive things. Its just that its gotten to the point where I'm considering homeschooling him because I feel like something at school is literally torturing him.

Any advice would be appreciated. I'm really at a loss as to what to do here. I don't want him to end up being that kid in school who is a social outcast because he can't control himself. :(



KingdomOfRats
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05 Mar 2014, 10:32 pm

assuming he is on the autistic spectrum they coud be to do with emotional regulation difficulties,frustration with executive dysfunction, sensory and/or information overload, being over stimulated, being over/under challenged.

behaviors are not problems,theyre the consequences of issues that havent yet been solved,its a sub concious form of communication.
we all experience behavioral difficulties for different reasons, am severely autistic and have severe challenging behavior so had smashed tables,windows,and anything else not tied down as well as attacking staff and pupils;was unable to communicate and had a very low level of understanding and was also bashed by the staff with their hands and rulers every day throughout the day,pushed against walls and onto the tables in rough restraint so woud fight back,then when mum and dad were phoned up to come in and collect due to being suspended; dad woud be ready with his fists, they never questioned why was coming home with new bruises all the time.


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LumpySpacePrincess
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05 Mar 2014, 10:36 pm

KingdomOfRats wrote:
assuming he is on the autistic spectrum they coud be to do with emotional regulation difficulties,frustration with executive dysfunction, sensory and/or information overload, being over stimulated, being over/under challenged.

behaviors are not problems,theyre the consequences of issues that havent yet been solved,its a sub concious form of communication.
we all experience behavioral difficulties for different reasons, am severely autistic and have severe challenging behavior so had smashed tables,windows,and anything else not tied down as well as attacking staff and pupils;was unable to communicate and had a very low level of understanding and was also bashed by the staff with their hands and rulers every day throughout the day,pushed against walls and onto the tables in rough restraint so woud fight back,then when mum and dad were phoned up to come in and collect due to being suspended; dad woud be ready with his fists, they never questioned why was coming home with new bruises all the time.


Thank you so much for your insight! Yes, he is on the spectrum (Aspergers), and I have also suspected a lot of the behaviors might be rooted in emotional dysregulation and his inability to express himself freely (speech delay). Thank you for giving me new language to look into!

We have had some issues with him coming home saying his teacher is handling him too rough. The school is investigating, but of course they deny it and won't put him in another class.



LtlPinkCoupe
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05 Mar 2014, 10:43 pm

So sorry to hear this.... :( I can't really offer any ideas beyond what helped/would have helped me regain control when I was upset at school.

When I was in kindergarten, I had a teacher who was really understanding and would actually take me into a quiet, dimly lit storage closet with a rocking chair. She'd sit down with me in her lap and just hold me and rock me back and forth until my meltdown/emotional upset had played out and I felt more or less okay again.

Otherwise, some other things that might have helped me as a kid would have been to have somewhere quiet to go, like one of those little plastic kiddie houses, or something, full of pillows and stuffed animals. When I was in preschool, I would do this thing where I would take armfuls of books into the restroom and just sit in there doing my business and looking at books while the other kids and teachers pounded on the door trying to get me to open it. I did that all the time at home, and it never occurred to me that it wasn't okay to do at school.

One thing I do remember about my early school experiences was getting held down/restrained a lot when I was upset. It did nothing to help me calm down, I couldn't move my arms and legs, everyone was staring at me as if I were some sideshow attraction, and the teachers were bending down, getting in my face, taunting me, remarking to each other how funny I was when I became insane with fear and rage. On the other hand, at that point I would have actually been angry and out of control enough to do some serious damage to nearby people and objects if I'd been let loose.

In addition, in my early school experiences, I was not permitted to carry any stuffed animals around with me. I'd always needed at least one stuffed animal/item to hold so I felt "okay" in unsafe territory, and being deprived of that was not in my frame of reference at all. So, that, along with all the chaos and sensory input at school, the teachers tormenting me with restraints and holds whenever I got upset and my parents just going along with it made for a pretty miserable early school experience.

However, I feel like if there was at least one person at school, like a teacher or guidance counselor, who really understood your son and was on his side, it would make a lot of difference in this situation (I know YOU are, of course :D). I hope some of what I've said here is helpful.


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05 Mar 2014, 10:56 pm

I had major behavioral problems going back to Kindergarten, which is what prompted my removal from a regular school and attending a special school (and later a special ed classroom in a regular school). I find that there are times where lights are too bright and sounds are too loud and if I can leave the situation and go to, like, a conference room with nobody in it, with the door closed, hidden from everybody, the sounds in the distance, facing my head down, fog filling my head and the space I am in, and concentrating on my thoughts, I could feel a lot better and become really really calm.


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MikeD3
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05 Mar 2014, 11:07 pm

I misbehaved a lot in school when I was younger,and later on I chilled out quite a bit but it was too late because I already had a bad reputation.And my school system wasn't that great to begin with.Honestly being forced out of school at 16 was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.I was thrown in to the real world and forced to mature much quicker,and gave more life experience than a kid who sits behind a desk for 7 hours a day and then goes home.

Obviously leaving school isn't a good or even realistic option for everyone(probably not most kids)though.


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06 Mar 2014, 12:16 am

My school said I had behavior problems but my mom says I never did. I don't know if she is being PC or not.


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06 Mar 2014, 12:52 am

I did misbehave at school. There were probably various reasons for it but mostly I'm just speculating in hindsight because I remember my actions but not much about what precipitated them or my thoughts and feelings at the time. The few times I actually pinched or scratched another child it was because they had been bullying me and had usually physically attacked me first. Even the teachers knew I was provoked because they knew the whole school bullied me so the other child would get in trouble too and me being provoked would be in any report to my mum. I also wandered away from class and from the field when we were supposed to be playing baseball outside. Maybe because of inattention or impulsivity or because of sensory overload. Then I'd start stimming (twirling string in front of my face) and making noise during class, presumably because I wanted to. I had a couple of documented tantrums (screaming and crying) at school when they tried to move my bin (which had my school supplies) from its place on the shelf and move me to a new seat. This was because of resistance to change, I suppose. Then there were incidents where I did really weird things like when I threw away all the other kids' lunches who had cold-cut sandwiches. I didn't like cold-cuts and would always throw away my own lunch but one day I guess I just decided to throw away the other kids' cold-cuts too. This was after I had already freaked out in the big lunch room where second graders were supposed to eat so I was eating with a class of first graders who ate in their classroom. So, I was already in there because of my weird behaviour and then I started throwing out lunches. :lol:


All I know is that I was generally miserable and overwhelmed all the time at school. I misbehaved and behaved strangely at home too though.

*I stopped this behaviour by high school but it was because I became more socially aware and started to care what people thought about how I behaved and realized that it could have some bearing on how they treated me. During elementary school I'm not sure what calmed me down after those instances. I probably would have wanted to be left alone in a quiet place with a string that had just the right feel.



daydreamer84
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06 Mar 2014, 1:11 am

If home-schooling is feasible for you then maybe you should try it.