a small question for the girls here: how long do I have to

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know a girl before it's appropriate for me to ask her out? a month? two months?

cheers!

Coalbiter.

You can ask someone out after the first conversation, if you think you'd like to see her again. Keep it light, like meeting for coffee during the day or something.

If you have people in your life you've been around for a while, just ask them when their next day off is, and if you're able, ask them if they'd be interested in meeting you for coffee, your treat. Keep it casual, and if she says "no," just chalk it up to she might like you okay, but she's not into you, and go on. Continue to be nice. And if she says "yes," ask for her number if she doesn't have it, so you can double check with her later if it's a few days from then, or in case you need to let her know you'll be late.

Just don't put all your hopes on that one question. Sometimes dating is like going on a walk for a hundred miles. You have to start taking it one step at a time.

Good luck.

Metta, Rjaye

Very good advice Rjaye.

hey thanks for your reply
the thing is, I talked to this girl yesterday, and she seems
very nice and all. we both go to an AS club once a week,
so there's a chance for me to get to know her better before
asking her out on a date. I still don't know much about her though,
she doesn't talk much, sometimes she doesn't talk at all - but when
she does talk she has this really nice and cute voice

so, do you think I should wait 1-2 months before asking her out
or would it be too late, as I would already enter the "only friends zone"?

sometimes right away is best!

She might be waiting for you to ask her out.
The longer you wait, the more likely she is to have other experiences that will take her on a road away from you.

Then again,
The longer you wait, the more experiences with *you* she will be observing.

In the end, you want to find out if she will be your pal, so get to it!

It is better for both of you to find out how this will go, before you waste alot of your times thinking and not doing.

If your worried about rejection, ask quietly and privately, by note if you like. After all, you'll be dealing with this person whether the outcome is more intimate or not, and will want to be prepared for a healthy existence afterwards, regardless. Good luck guy.

That was helpful to me too.

wow, thanks alot for your advice Rjaye and SeaBright!
I only exchanged a few words with her last time so I guess
I'll be wanting to know at least a bit more about her before
asking her out for some coffee or something;-)

Thanks again!

Good advice above. My personal take on it -- don't be afraid to be just friends if that's how it develops. Because it might develop further at a later time. Happened that way with me and my spouse. Keep your mind and options open

It depends, I think, if you were considering a childhood friend than that could mean years before asking them out in a sense x3;

I say do it when it feels right and your heart tells you too~

yeah.

but a month?

whot the heck does that?

I personally would not like to be asked out after the first conversation...I would want to get to know a guy first. Men that ask me out on the first conversation (And it has happened) are rejected, mainly because it freaks me out and I have no idea if I can trust them.

I'd say 2 to 3 weeks, if you feel you two have some type of mutual connection, would be enough. There is no hard and fast rule. But probably after having just been around you once or twice, that would be too soon. Unless it is a club setting or something and you're asking her for purely short term or superficial reasons.

I'd also advise making the first 'date' less pressurised, by going to an afternoon type of place like a coffeehouse, or somewhere you can go in casual everyday clothes and just talk...

As for how to impress her, I don't know because I am not AS and I'd be giving advice for dating an NT girl. But in general the above would apply to anyone.

Immortal,

If a guy asked you out for a cuppa, and you had just had a nice conversation with him, or you felt comfortable after a first meeting (though I would not ever feel comfortable after a first meeting so I kind of know what you're talking about), and it was just friendly, would you consider it?

I always have a "fight or flight" response with new people, but I realized that most people mean well, and I had to bite the bullet, and push myself to accept invites to various things. Now, it took me years to be able to do that, and I still have to fight the panic, but it's the only way to expand my life where I want it.

I am not being critical, as we all have different needs and wants--I was just wondering, and of course, if you don't want to answer, that's all right, too.

Metta, Rjaye

a week.

trust me.

I think some things take time. and yet there are some things that take time more than others.
maybe it'd be better to wait until we're more comfortable around each other.
why would she go out with me if she hardly knows me?

the key word here is: trust.

plus I'd like to know a whole lot more about a girl before I decide whether I'd date her or not. and that's quite a problem since the girl I'm talking about is very shy and hardly ever speaks, probably because of her little speech difficulty I refer to in the other post.

We both meet at the club once a week (I'm a newbie while she's a club veteran) and so far we only exchanged a few words. It would be better if I ask her out spontaneously, maybe in a few months, maybe less.

now what do you think?

again I'm the guy with the answers. the rest may know what they're talking about, but I'm the guy who has gone to hell and back in dating and has the answers.

So the operative question that I am asking is are you an easy person to open up to? Because most of the girls that I know, who I am good friends with, who are shy, aren't shy around me, ere because I'm nice, or because they can talk to me easily.

The next thing is, how often when you go to club do you speak to her? Obviously you speak to her OCASSIONALLY. that's the operative word. Does she know that you even exist. I'm not trying to be mean here on purpose, but I'm trying to make you realize that what you are looking for may not be what you want. In other words, have you spend time with this girl outside of club?


other then that. I would ask her next time you see her, if she'd like to go to a movie or get a cup of coffee ( you of course mate, had better pay, since you want the girl to like you....) or something, but make it a point of being sociable. You want to see if you like her.

so within the next week or two, ask her.

--Doc Gamester--