Suicide.

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone else just think suicide is a very logical path if one undergoes mental pain everyday that can't be fixed? Such as being transgendered? After all, cells die to create the body during the cycle of birth so it's not a unnatural thing. I'm mentally mtf myself. You can see on my profile the gender male, because I don't like lying to people, though preferably I still wish for people to refer to me in female pronouns and just treat me as a normal girl.

I can remember ever since middle school thinking of suicide everyday, since things only get worse from childhood up, and we all eventually die anyways so it defeats the point to just live in pain. That and also that was the first time someone truly beat me up and they got away with it with their friends backing them up, so to me that shows there is no good nor evil and no justice.

So you might be wondering, why am I still alive eleven years later saying this? Well, to put it simply, an illogical event happened in my mind during that time that told me the world would end if I died. Funny huh? Someone that doesn't matter suddenly having this stupid illogical vision? But it kept me alive long enough so I could see if anything could indicate why I felt that way at my last moment. College happened, the most I got out of that is a roommate saying that vision was probably just saying my "world" would end, meaning only my conscious would end, not the whole world. In my heart, I still feel something unsettling, but I wanted to go off my roommate's explanation so I could go with my original plan. The only thing keeping me alive now is making sure I live longer then my parents do so they aren't angered by my suicide and then they bring it out on my siblings. I wish that was all it was... but.

It's my illogical heart again, it's like a weird little girl that keeps fighting back against my logical self. Disillusioning me with grand views, miracles that I need only live to see... it showed me a futuristic city, me somehow being naturally my gender (female)... and somehow I was happy in that vision. So what I need is for people to say my heart is illogical, wrong and foolish, like what was stated to me before with my perceptions of what planets were. That way I can use it to fuel my mental battle, to bring it all to an end with overbearing logic.

I am sorry please teach me, I thought the best thing to do in your situation was to transition? If you feel you are female and have to live male of course you hate life (I know if I had to pretend I was someone I was not I would hate life - I hated pretending to be straight)

rather than die, be the real you and be happy in life.

Every mtf transgender woman on earth has XY chromosomes and always will. Even if she passes, has lived as a woman for 60 years, and has married and has a family, even the cells in her vagina are still XY. Nothing can ever change that.

The question then becomes--does the fact that she will always have male chromosomes make her less than female? Something other than female? The answers are subjective.

That said, suicide is never good. If you are in need I recommend calling the Suicide Prevention Hotline in the US at: 1-800-273-8255.

Or, internationally maybe you can find a line here: http://www.suicide.org/international-su ... lines.html

I've called such a line before and it really helps to talk to somebody outside of the situation more than it seems like it would.

I actually also recommend Valerie Gaus' book, "Living Well on the Spectrum." It has helped me a ridiculous amount.

If you feel like a girl, you're a girl.
I'm sure you wouldn't consider other MTF's as lying if they hadn't gone through with hormone therapy or operations yet, and were calling themselves female.

You need to have had people refer to you as a female for at least one whole year, before any hormone therapy is offered to you. This is generally the rule when you seek help to get this transition, especially here in the UK.
You have to provide evidence you've been living as a pre-op female too.

I would say, change your profile to female, and people will refer to you as that. It's what you want, and it'll make you a little more comfortable around here.

My thoughts on this are very, very simple. You cannot know what the future holds. You CANNOT.

If there's something you want now, and cannot have right now, you may get it later. And no, dont tell me "no it's impossible because blah-de-blah". Been there, done that. Was wrong.


If I were to go back 10 years..... there's no way in hell I coulda guessed what my life would be like today. I was in college back then, and looking forward to the utter, absolute hell that was going to be.... well, working. Be it a career or whatever.... that's the goal of college, of course. And college itself rather sucked. AND I never had any money. AND I was a failure as a student, as always. Many, many failed jobs would follow this. I'd figured, by all logic, that this was just the start, and it was going to keep up.... because how could it happen otherwise?


Yet, here I am, 10 years later. I havent worked a day in..... ahhh.... well it's been awhile. 5 years, maybe? I just do whatever the heck I feel like every day, and as for money, well.... if I want to buy something, I just buy it, it really just doesnt matter now. Big giant house, too. There's more to it than just that (car, too, among others) but you get the idea. Back then, there wouldnt have been even a SECOND where I would have honestly saw my current situation as being even remotely near possible. Would never have believed in the idea. But it bloody well happened anyway, due to a series of events I never could have guessed at.

Because of that (and other stuff) I generally rebel against the often-incorrect idea that something isnt possible. Even with something like this... you dont know what kinds of new technologies there might be that could apply to transitioning, just a few years down the road. Particularly with the way advancement of technology works. The further it advances, the FASTER it advances.

In other words.... if you're alive, there's ALWAYS the chance that later on, what you want may actually happen. But there's ZERO chance that it will if you're dead. Why in the name of happy kittens would anyone want to LOWER their chances of getting what they're after? Seems bloody stupid to me.

Even if the situation you're in right now means that you cant "come out" easily without putting yourself in danger..... well, then bloody well WAIT a bit. Work on getting out of there, as the first step. Put everything you have into it. Shouldnt this be the OBVIOUS thing to do? Work on getting what you need to get out on your own and move to somewhere that IS tolerant. There's all sorts of choices. But if you just give up right at the first blasted step, well.... that's kinda dumb. And I dont think you're dumb. You're just letting your depression get to you, that's all. Dont let it control you though.

And I can understand the depression.... I've had plenty of days when my own screwball gender issues really get my mood down. But at the same time... I know there's a difference between just letting that happen, and getting up and taking some sort of step towards DOING something about it. It's tough, yeah, and it might take some time, but.... if it means a chance at getting what you want, dont you think it's worth a try?

I also think about suicide a lot. I spend a lot of late nights at home in bed shivering and crying, wishing that I were female. I've been on hormones for a bit less than 6 years, but still look male. I'm basically hopeless.

My therapist wants to get me used to the idea of living as female at home but not outside, due to my inability to pass and mentally being unable to handle that. That's just not enough for me to want to continue living.

I've never felt love before, and probably never will. I might as well just end it. I just don't have the courage or good methods.

A common saying is that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What if your problem is permanent? Doctors tell me that they can't make me look female...