Suicide.

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A common saying is that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What if your problem is permanent? Doctors tell me that they can't make me look female...

I don't believe in reincarnation or any afterlife, so death is just nothingness to me; a cessation of consciousness. But this would be preferable to my existence now - zero is greater than all negative numbers.

While death is a perfectly natural occurrence in the cycle of life & rebirth, IMO, suicide is not an optimal way to go. It's giving up, quitting, cowardice etc vs. learning, changing, growing, striving, overcoming (yourself, suicidal thoughts, challenges etc.) & eventually dying a death worth dying whether via natural causes or by going down fighting - whether for victory, defending yourself etc.

As for suicidal thoughts themselves: I had them off and on throughout my life since childhood. They were the worst a couple of Summers ago when I had the worst depression of my life that just kept getting worse for 5 months or so. It was then that I figured out I had a chemical sensitivity to salicylate acids (and have read that 70% of those on the spectrum do) & instantly stopped eating/drinking or using anything on my skin with sa's. (sa's are plants' natural pesticide & preservative. they're sky high in gmo foods. they're in almost every fruit/veggie/herb/spice/plant oil and are much stronger in others.) Besides not eating them, I learned that I needed to use epsom salts on my skin to detox them via absorbing the magnesium sulphate, which I was deficient in due to taking Dexedrine - an ADHD stimulant that depletes magnesium & sulphur from the body. I've been using homemade epsom salt lotion on my skin daily for a year and a half or so now, but when I first started using it - the horribly negative clinical depression and near constant passively suicidal thoughts I was having all but completely disappeared after about 5 days. It was all a chemical induced drug trip.

I'm 100% serious about this and very highly recommend you experiment with some epsom salt lotion on your skin, especially the bottoms of your feet where you absorb it best. Either that or soak your feet in hot water saturated with epsom salts. Lotion is just more convenient. You can buy epsom salt lotion at pretty well any pharmacy/major grocery store.

If you have any questions about this, or about the other dietary/herbal/probiotic treatments I've had life changing success with as stated in the link in my sig, feel free to pm me as I'm a completely transparent open book about it all with anyone who would care to listen to it, learn from it, try it for themselves. Especially if it can be life saving as could be in the case of anyone who is having suicidal thoughts.

For anyone else reading this, feel free to PM as well. As for success since doing all of this: I haven't been suicidal - at all. I'm healthier, stronger, more productive (work), much more optimistic, wealthier (saving/investing more money than I have in my life before this) & continue to strive for and achieve new goals on a regular basis. Life is good & getting better. I'm still not at the point in life/work/business/finances that I'd consider that I'd consider myself successful or I've reached anywhere near my potential - but relative to 2 years ago; I'm definitely successful as I've leaped ahead immensely with improvements too numerous to count. Success isn't just about money, but being able to function in life and be financially stable and eventually successful is certainly advantageous and I intend to continue focusing on this, as well as health/fitness, and every other goal I have in life. I hope all of you find it within yourselves to do whatever you're able to to improve yourselves and better your lives vs. give in to thoughts of suicide. I hope that those of you who do have suicidal thoughts have a similar attitude to myself when I had them really badly: know that they're just thoughts and can't hurt you - only your actions can. Ignore those thoughts and realize there's something wrong, something causing them, and potentially a biochemical reason for it like I eventually figured out for myself. That or certain stressors, life events etc - but that those, too, are just things that happened and aren't worth no longer existing over. If you're of the school of thought that there's bound to be a logical rational reason WHY you have suicidal thoughts and know that there must be some way to change your thinking, change your thought processes, that you weren't always this way and that something is making you this way and thus something else can unmake you think that way.. then I urge you to explore the possibility that you, too, are among the vast majority of us on the spectrum that are sensitive to salicylate acids. Learn to avoid them for several months, detox them via epsom salts. If it isn't that, then at least you'll have explored an option and figured out it wasn't that - which is better than not trying anything at all, IMO.

I'm rambling.. so, I'll stop. Suicide is bad mmmkay? PM me if you want to chat about anything I've shared here.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I do think of suicide often. Usually, when I lie in bed, I wishfully think of how good life will be when I am dead. I imagine I will go in the backyard and shoot myself with a pistol, and make sure to leave a note so my mom does not think there was "foul play".

I won the battle with GD, however, it is hard to live with the brain damage (autism). Where does autism lead to? Spending my entire life alone, memorizing and ordering information?

I watch movies, watch youtube videos, research my personal interests, play some video games, and this makes me happy. So, I put it out of my mind, and continue for another day.

The world is changing so rapidly. Tomorrow a technological and/or social solution to our problems could arrive. That's what keeps me going from day-to-day!