Would aspie-aspie dating be better than aspie-nt dating?

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In general would an aspie partner be better for an aspie
Yes, they would understand better 34%  34%  [ 22 ]
No, it would magnify the problem 19%  19%  [ 12 ]
Too many other issues, comes more so down to the two people involved 47%  47%  [ 30 ]
Total votes : 64

TheMighty_Moo
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21 Mar 2014, 11:10 pm

I haven't really dated an Aspie but, well, I haven't dated an NT either. There's an Aspie in my school who we get along quite well 'cause we have strong interests in common. We laugh and talk about Ghastduggery [that's the "shipping" name of Ghastly and Skulduggery from the book Skulduggery Pleasant. It's absolutely horrifying but also pretty awesome] and the conversation always goes on and flows. We can talk, man.
NT's aren't so bad themselves. If they know you're an Aspie, they'll understand and know how they can reach out to you, just by taking a quick look at your amazing mind. And then they suddenly become your best buddies.
I can say that I'm neutral about this subject. NT's or Aspies... Both are awesome.


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Shebakoby
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22 Mar 2014, 5:42 am

I have dated precisely nothing, but I just know instinctively from experience that Neurotypicals aren't going to be in the picture.



nick007
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22 Mar 2014, 6:24 pm

My 1st girlfriend was an NT but she had sever dyslexia, ADHD & some OCD. I felt like she was the 1st person who ever understood me. I had no luck with any other NTs & think the way my Aspie issues affect me along with other things make me incompatible with typical NTs. I'm too direct & straightforward & unintentionally say the wrong things with them & they aren't direct enough with me. My 2nd girlfriend was an Aspie who I met on this forum but the way her Aspergers issues affected her was by making her have a strong desire to be independent & want more space; but the way my Aspergers & other issues affect me is making me dependent & clingy & a high desire to be emotionally supportive so things didn't work out between us. My current girlfriend which is my 3rd I also met on this site & she's somewhat on the spectrum herself but maybe not as much as me & she's also dependent & clingy & needs more emotional support so we're a great match for each other.


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Pabalebo
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23 Mar 2014, 9:42 pm

The relationship would go nowhere fast. At least one person involved should know what the hell they're doing.


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23 Mar 2014, 10:47 pm

Well, I doubt an autistic person would be a blatant anti-intellectual for one who thinks "history is only for geeks and nerds" (yes someone said that) and uh......stuff.

Vote for the autistic race!


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AutisticGuy1981
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02 Apr 2014, 1:29 pm

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
Judging by my personality, I would actually get along much better with dating someone who is the opposite of me in some ways. I would want to date someone who is empathetic, selfless, and patient. I find that I can be quite self-centered and impatient, and I don't get along well with people who also have those traits.

Dating another aspie might be a tricky proposition, because on the one hand we'd be able to understand a lot of each other's issues and such, but on the other hand, intimacy may become an issue, and if our "special interests" don't match up somewhat, like I start dating a girl who is really into trains, then that may cause some conflicts. As long as we were both willing to cut each other some slack though, I think it would work out ok.

I think my best-case scenario would be to date someone who isn't an aspie, but isn't exactly "NT" either, like someone who is empathetic, selfless, quiet, and introverted, with a few mental health issues of their own. I get along better with people who have also struggled with things like anxiety and depression, than with people who are mentally "healthy" and feel good all the time.


Not all aspies are selfish...

I'm empathetic ,quiet, introverted and selfless.
I never had a problem with intimacy or sex when I was married

I don't really do depression most of the time I'm just content with how I am.



mr_bigmouth_502
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02 Apr 2014, 3:56 pm

AutisticGuy1981 wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
Judging by my personality, I would actually get along much better with dating someone who is the opposite of me in some ways. I would want to date someone who is empathetic, selfless, and patient. I find that I can be quite self-centered and impatient, and I don't get along well with people who also have those traits.

Dating another aspie might be a tricky proposition, because on the one hand we'd be able to understand a lot of each other's issues and such, but on the other hand, intimacy may become an issue, and if our "special interests" don't match up somewhat, like I start dating a girl who is really into trains, then that may cause some conflicts. As long as we were both willing to cut each other some slack though, I think it would work out ok.

I think my best-case scenario would be to date someone who isn't an aspie, but isn't exactly "NT" either, like someone who is empathetic, selfless, quiet, and introverted, with a few mental health issues of their own. I get along better with people who have also struggled with things like anxiety and depression, than with people who are mentally "healthy" and feel good all the time.


Not all aspies are selfish...

I'm empathetic ,quiet, introverted and selfless.
I never had a problem with intimacy or sex when I was married

I don't really do depression most of the time I'm just content with how I am.


I'm not saying they are, though I know I'm pretty selfish in a lot of ways. Which is ironic, because when it comes to money, food, and other material things I can actually be quite generous, though I'm still selfish in a lot of other ways.



rebecca1220
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02 Apr 2014, 6:05 pm

I think it makes it worse, dating AS-AS based on my experience, but obviously there are other issues to be considered.

I found it difficult to be with my AS ex-boyfriend but he had a lot of other issues... for example he had diabetes and often had bad hypos when he didnt manage his inserlin levels correctly, which I found difficult to deal with. Had I been NT i guess I might have found it easier. His mum also had terminal cancer which I also found hard to deal with and I never knew what to say. I guess if he didn't have these issues it might have worked out. However, he was also affected by AS worse than me, and I always felt awkard being around him. My boyfriend before him also had AS but never liked to talk about it and was also affected worse than me... he was also really controlling and possessive, I don't know if that was anything to do with his AS or not.... I guess AS does affect boys worse than girls.

My current boyfriend is NT, and he is amazing. I've been with him for over two years. He has always been really understanding about my AS, and he makes me happy...

I guess it really depends on the individuals because everyone with AS is different and everyone who is NT is different as well.

xx



daydrinker
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03 Apr 2014, 12:20 am

Dating is where my ADHD/AS gets in the way the most. My longest relationship was for 3 years with a NT. We worked out very well for a while but as our "core" group of friends drifted apart and new ones came about (all hers) they started to tell her how weird I was. I hated going out to the college bars (WAY too loud and too many people) and I didn't care much for house parties either. I also hated going to college football games. I don't watch any sports at all. So while they all engaged in the above activities I usually found a corner, sat by myself and waited for all of it to be over so I could go home. Eventually this became too much for her to handle. She was tired of defending me to her friends so she cheated and left me. That entire experience changed me as a person, it broke me and led me down a path of self discovery.

So in a nutshell dating a NT is a give and take kind of thing. They have to be willing to do weird isolated stuff with you and you have to do awkward loud stressful social stuff with them. I have learned that sort of compromise depresses me. I definitely want to seek out an AS girlfriend and maybe that will work better for me.



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03 Apr 2014, 5:34 am

It obviously depends on the people. Speaking for myself, I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to have a successful relationship with anyone, but a slightly aspie (or cuspie) girl might be my only chance. (A "successful relationship" being one that lasts and makes me significantly happier, overall, than being single. I don't want any other.)

CapriciousAgent wrote:
I worry about a, "blind leading the blind" scenario.


I'm not "blind" and don't need anyone "leading" me, thank you very much. I don't want to lead someone who is blind, either.


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