Anyone else have trouble thinking for themselves?

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Shadewraith
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29 Mar 2014, 9:36 pm

I am starting to realize that I do better when I am being told what to do or walked through a task. When left to figure things out on my own, I usually take a brute force approach, which is highly inefficient.

I am taking some online computer science classes and I can understand the syntax of any programming language I have come across, from C to Haskell, and understand how bits of code are used. But when I am given a problem to solve using code, I cannot find an answer on my own. However, if I see the source code or someone walks me through it, it makes perfect sense.

When my parents used to tell me to clean my room, I would just take everything from everywhere in my room and dump it into the middle of my room, then sort through things bit by bit.

I think my way of thinking is a bit erratic and disorganized which may contribute. It is as if my brain wants nothing to do with organized or algorithmic thought. If it weren't for the fact that I am terrified of being around a lot of unfamiliar people, it seems I would do well in the military...or prison :lol:


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29 Mar 2014, 9:41 pm

Once I know what it means and what I am supposed to do when told it, I do fine because it's memorization and I don't need to be told every single time how to do something like laundry or the dishes because I know what is expected.


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Shadewraith
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29 Mar 2014, 10:18 pm

Yes, this is the same for me. It is figuring out some new concept that is difficult.


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mr_bigmouth_502
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29 Mar 2014, 11:19 pm

I'm terrible at planning things and making decisions, so in a way I can relate to your situation., As well, sometimes I'll have to solve a problem of some sort, and while I can sometimes come up with creative solutions to certain problems (mainly tech-related), other times if it's more of a social issue or something, then I'll often have a hard time coming up with my own solutions, let alone choosing from a set of possible solutions.



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30 Mar 2014, 5:01 am

I think I understand what you mean, although for me it's slightly different, and I've gotten better at dealing with it over the years.

For me at least, the problem seems to stem from a lack of sufficiently specific parameters defining tasks.
However, I've learned that people don't necessarily care that much about the specifics so it's usually alright to define one's own parameters and then proceed accordingly.
Even when it does upset them, which is rare, you're covered because they didn't actually state the specifics.
Once the parameters are defined specifically enough I can usually work out the steps to complete the task, and since I'm usually able to define them myself, I can then figure out what to do to make that happen.

Being fairly creative given a specific enough set of parameters isn't a problem for me, and i'm great at solving (logical) problems in general.
The problem is that I can't start things without that set of parameters and other people rarely provide a sufficiently specific set for me.
This used to lead to me driving them crazy by asking endless questions to get the specifics I needed, or not doing the task.

The way I overcome this now is to tell myself what to do or walk myself through it instead of relying on others to do that.
I become both the director and the directed, the teacher & the student, the boss & the worker.
What I do is speak to myself as if I was instructing or directing someone else, and then I respond as myself to that.

For example, cleaning my room:
"Ok, so it seems like this task is big and overwhelming, but all large tasks are made out of smaller tasks, so what do you see that you can start with as a first step?"
After looking around & seeing something obvious I could do towards the overall goal:
"Well, I guess a good first step would be to pick up & throw away all the trash & recycling & take it out to the big cans."
"Ok, let's do that then. Once that's done, we'll figure out what comes next."

Essentially I've learned to emulate the various pedagogical & management techniques that have worked well for me when learning & taking direction from others & taken on their role for myself by doing so.
It's not always easy and I have a tendency to avoid doing it, but it seems to be the only really effective solution to the problem.

These days I write code for a living, and sometimes it's hard to get started on things because of this issue, but eventually I decide on the specifics and everything just flows.
Once I get started, it's not even an issue.

There's another aspect to this that I haven't addressed: the need for answers to questions in order to understand how to do certain things before starting.
The reason I haven't addressed it is because it's not really that much of an issue nowadays because it's almost always possible to look up those answers on the internet if you're persistant enough.



EzraS
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30 Mar 2014, 5:46 am

I can only be taught up to a point and then I have to teach myself. Like I had to teach myself how to read, because I could only be taught so much before it stopped making any sense to me, and then I had to to reason it out for myself. I do have to be reminded a lot when it comes to daily stuff and be guided in that way.



Shadewraith
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30 Mar 2014, 8:00 pm

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
I'll often have a hard time coming up with my own solutions, let alone choosing from a set of possible solutions.


This is another big one. If I am given too many choices or ways of doing something, I cannot make up my mind. Ask me if I want a hotdog or a hamburger and I can answer right away. Take me to a fancy restaurant where the menus are the size of a novel and I will sit there for a half an hour before I make a decision I start doubting after I have made it.


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Bodyles
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30 Mar 2014, 9:35 pm

Shadewraith wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
I'll often have a hard time coming up with my own solutions, let alone choosing from a set of possible solutions.


This is another big one. If I am given too many choices or ways of doing something, I cannot make up my mind. Ask me if I want a hotdog or a hamburger and I can answer right away. Take me to a fancy restaurant where the menus are the size of a novel and I will sit there for a half an hour before I make a decision I start doubting after I have made it.


I can relate to that one quite a bit.
I still have that problem, but I've learned how to narrow down the decision sets enough so that when it's my turn to order I just can pick my current favorite even if I'm waffling.

Basically, the whole thing used to drive me crazy.
Then I learned to be more assertive & decisive, mainly from friends & experiences in college which demonstrated to me that being that way is just a choice, like any other, and it actually feels pretty good and leads to positive results.

I'm not saying that it's not hard.
It's hard.
I struggle with it stiil.
I'm just saying that it's possible to learn to do those things enough to make a real difference, if it bother you enough and you really want to, of course.

Frankly if having so much trouble making decisions wasn't such a pita in terms of my life, I would take forever, and almost never decide & just waft along.
I did that for year & years & years.

I dunno.
I suppose it's all about proof of concept.
Once I do something & it works, I get more confident in that sphere & am willing to work to do more things.

'Course until you get that, it's the old catch-22 of not wanting to try because you're not sure what will happen or if you'll make the right decision or do things the right way.
I guess I was lucky in that I had friends who eventually pulled me into doing actual things that I could be proud of and in the process showed me directly that I was capable of doing a big, long, hard, but worthwhile project that others would appreciate.
Since then, even though I've struggled a lot, I've made a huge amount of progress in terms of working & starting a career.
So I'm 34, and I'm doing it kinda bass-ackwards, slowly, and in fits & starts, and I'm really late to the game, but screw it, I decided years ago that I wasn't going to give up just because it's taken me longer than others and is still really hard.
Still, I've learned to keep making bold moves & being decisive & assertive and that in the long run it's more important to just make decisions and act on them than necessarily what those decisions are, for the most part.
Even the bad ones will teach & enrich you.
Frankly, I've regreted the stuff I haven't done far more than the things that I have, and that includes the really bad decisions I've made to do things.

Ok, ok... I'm rambling on your thread again. I'll stop. :wink: :P

"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid." -Almost Famous



ZombieBrideXD
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31 Mar 2014, 12:09 am

i actually find i forget to think for other people constantly, im a selfish person most of the time.


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