How to tell when a girl likes me

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RetroGamer87
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07 May 2014, 2:22 pm

There've probably been threads like this before but here goes. Like many here I have trouble telling the difference between signs of interest and common friendliness. One example is this girl who keeps on giggling when I speak even when I haven't said anything all that funny. Should I infer meaning from this or is it standard practice for twentyager girls? A second example is a girl who when I left the place I was at had a sudden interest in whether or not I would be tomorrow. Is this meaningful or just wishful thinking on my part? Example number 3 is this girl (suspected AS herself) who after talking to me for a couple of hours suddenly wanted me to fix her earring. Is it unusual for women to want to get that close to men they've just met?

All this may be nothing but baseless speculation on my part but I wanted to check because I get paralyzed into inaction when I'm not 100% certain of something (but must accept I will never be 100? certain in this game) and I have a tendency to get bogged down in analysis paralysis.



bleh12345
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07 May 2014, 4:50 pm

First girl-seems possible she is interested unless she is either very into stereotypical gender roles or doesn't know what to say, so laughs.

Second girl-might be interested in a friendship or just being friendly, legitimate wondering on where you will be tomorrow. Were you in the middle of a conversation and then left?

Third girl-Probably nothing. It's not unusual for some women to get that physically close to someone. In fact, this is something I would do. She probably trusts you to touch her ear without harassing her. Ask her if she would like to be friends or if she already considers you one and go from there.

I analyze a lot, also. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, we all need help on deciding which analysis is the most realistic and/or probable.



RetroGamer87
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07 May 2014, 8:29 pm

Thanks for the advice. As for your question now we weren't in the middle of a conversation. I had just came up to her and said "see ya". But it may still be nothing.

Interesting that you the first girl is possibly interested since she's the nicest looking of the three. She's only like this on some days though. On other days she's a bit more flat with her responses and much less likely to start conversations as to merely respond to them. But on other days she really perks up.

Now I just have to figure out how to let her know I like her back without just blurting something awkward out or exposing myself to embarrassment in the significant chance I should be wrong (after all as you said it's possible she likes me not guaranteed) Or is it impossible for me to enquire further without wearing my heart on my sleeve? Could there by some indirect way of implying the message or some surreptitious way of inquiring further?

Maybe I'm just paranoid but I don't usually ask girls out except on dating sites because only on dating sites do I feel certain girls are looking to be asked out. It doesn't help that we meet in a group setting and her mother is always there (not that she's mean or anything).



bleh12345
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08 May 2014, 7:58 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Thanks for the advice. As for your question now we weren't in the middle of a conversation. I had just came up to her and said "see ya". But it may still be nothing.

Interesting that you the first girl is possibly interested since she's the nicest looking of the three. She's only like this on some days though. On other days she's a bit more flat with her responses and much less likely to start conversations as to merely respond to them. But on other days she really perks up.

Now I just have to figure out how to let her know I like her back without just blurting something awkward out or exposing myself to embarrassment in the significant chance I should be wrong (after all as you said it's possible she likes me not guaranteed) Or is it impossible for me to enquire further without wearing my heart on my sleeve? Could there by some indirect way of implying the message or some surreptitious way of inquiring further?

Maybe I'm just paranoid but I don't usually ask girls out except on dating sites because only on dating sites do I feel certain girls are looking to be asked out. It doesn't help that we meet in a group setting and her mother is always there (not that she's mean or anything).


I would ask her for coffee or something very light and see how she reacts. If she says she has a boyfriend/girlfriend, isn't interested in dating, or acts weird (in a bad way, like looking away, not replying, so on) you can simply say oh, I just wanted to get to know you as a fellow classmate. If she reacts in a good way (says OK, sure, so on) don't specify it's a date or anything. By offering to go somewhere that's more neutral, you have an "out" in case she isn't interested. In other words, you can make yourself look like you weren't interested in her romantically either, and avoid embarrassment.



RetroGamer87
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10 May 2014, 9:38 pm

Sounds like a plan. Worth a try. I just hope it doesn't end up being to obvious. Maybe a 21 year old girl would be savvy to that.

I could ask her on Facebook, if I knew her last name that is.

I could ask her ex for advice but there's no privacy. We're all in the same room most of the time and if it got back to her from him or his new girlfriend I'm not sure if her reaction would be positive or negative.



CaryGrant
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11 May 2014, 3:25 am

Hi

I would say don't look for a single sign but look for several. I know some women are flirtatious without knowing it. So look for a number of signs. And what to look for? I would recommend this

Undercover Sex Signals by Leil lowndes

IF you can get over the title it does say some decent stuff.



hale_bopp
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11 May 2014, 3:29 am

Sounds like they might, but you also have to keep in mind a lot of people flirt for the sake of it.

If you have nothing to lose from asking them out, by all means give it a go. :D



bleh12345
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11 May 2014, 3:39 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Sounds like a plan. Worth a try. I just hope it doesn't end up being to obvious. Maybe a 21 year old girl would be savvy to that.

I could ask her on Facebook, if I knew her last name that is.

I could ask her ex for advice but there's no privacy. We're all in the same room most of the time and if it got back to her from him or his new girlfriend I'm not sure if her reaction would be positive or negative.


If it is obvious, you can still pull it off as "Oh, I just thought we were friends, and I like coffee. I don't want to date right now". ;] Now, YOU will know you like her, but she will then feel like she assumed and you will avoid embarrassment.

Looking her up on FB could be considered "creepy". I personally don't care (and I probably would do the same), but I have had enough females rant to me and I know 21 year olds would be like "Omg, how did he find my fb? How did he find my last name? Stalkeerrrr".

I wouldn't ask her ex at all. The ex could still be friends with her and tell her. He could be jealous and try and give you bad advice. He could also try to sabotage her by ruining her chances with you if he somehow knew she liked you. Plus, it's not a usual thing unless you are already friends with him, and good friends at that. People don't usually like to know people who date their ex.



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11 May 2014, 3:41 am

It's really difficult to tell without knowing the context and circumstances. Of course I see only your account of what happened and maybe you're missing out on a whole lot of communication. Besides, I don't really know what kind of relationship/connection you had with these girls beforehand. As far as I can tell however something good seems to be going on as they are somewhat assertive and positive towards you, meaning they like you to some extent or see you really as a peer. I don't per se mean sexual/romantic liking, but at least in you as a person or talking to you, like you'd like other people in a non-sexual way. I don't say it's not there either, it's just that there seems to be a good basis. And even if they don't like you in a sexual/romantic way, it still means girls in general probably feel okay/relaxed around you which is a very good thing.


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RetroGamer87
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11 May 2014, 8:43 am

bleh12345 wrote:
If it is obvious, you can still pull it off as "Oh, I just thought we were friends, and I like coffee. I don't want to date right now". ;] Now, YOU will know you like her, but she will then feel like she assumed and you will avoid embarrassment.


OK. If I can overcome my inhibitions I'll try that. It doesn't help that her mum is always there. Not that her mum hates me or anything but I wonder if the parental double standard applies.

bleh12345 wrote:
Looking her up on FB could be considered "creepy". I personally don't care (and I probably would do the same), but I have had enough females rant to me and I know 21 year olds would be like "Omg, how did he find my fb? How did he find my last name? Stalkeerrrr".


Yeah. Some girls can be like that. I was talking to this girl on Oasis last year and she thought I was a stalker because I guessed her birthday was coming soon (all profiles have star signs listed) and I commented that she had a lot of video games (she took a selfie in her living room and video games were visible in the background).

As for "finding" girls on Facebook. Perhaps it would look less suspicious if I gained a mutual friend and then found her. (Facebook is annoying, this one guy tells me to friend him, I already know his last name and I find a hundred guys with the same first and last name but not him).

bleh12345 wrote:
I wouldn't ask her ex at all. The ex could still be friends with her and tell her. He could be jealous and try and give you bad advice. He could also try to sabotage her by ruining her chances with you if he somehow knew she liked you. Plus, it's not a usual thing unless you are already friends with him, and good friends at that. People don't usually like to know people who date their ex.


Maybe. Her ex seems to be happy with his new girlfriend. I've been friends with him for years anyway. I don't think she hates her ex though she doesn't talk to him much. She mostly just talks to me. Maybe that is a sign of interest. Aside from frequent giggling she's not overtly flirtatious. She seems to be more the innocent girl next door type. So perhaps she wasn't trying to convey such a message or perhaps it's just not in her nature to be so overt (I can't blame her if she's in a crowd of people that includes her mother).

hale_bopp wrote:
If you have nothing to lose from asking them out, by all means give it a go. Very Happy


You're logic is irrefutable. Game theorists might call this a positive sum game. If only I could tell my anxiety to be more logical.

CaryGrant wrote:
I would say don't look for a single sign but look for several. I know some women are flirtatious without knowing it. So look for a number of signs. And what to look for? I would recommend this

Undercover Sex Signals by Leil lowndes


That would be a good idea but... supposing she hasn't read the same book?

edit:
Also I wonder if some girls feel "tricked" by being asked out for coffee. All my dates have been from dating sites. Only once did I try to ask out a girl I met in meatspace. At first she was fairly keen to go to the cinema, then the next day she asks if it's supposed to be a date. I say it was and then she hates me.



Suhtek
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12 May 2014, 8:21 am

There is no way of knowing if someone likes you. I know this sounds cheesy but the most important thing is you like yourself. That is job one,



RetroGamer87
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12 May 2014, 9:28 am

Suhtek wrote:
There is no way of knowing if someone likes you.


Yeah. I will just have to bite the bullet and ask.

Suhtek wrote:
I know this sounds cheesy but the most important thing is you like yourself. That is job one,


Getting a girl to like me - Improbable.
Learning to like myself? - Impossible!

How can I like myself when I don't have a girlfriend, a degree and a skilled job like normal people have.
Even if I got all of those things I'd still hate myself for not having gotten them sooner. e.g. not having gotten a girlfriend at normal age.
How can I like myself when I know I'm not even going to try for the degree and the skilled job because I really don't like such things but then I feel guilty for being lazy.
I'm sick of my current job so the employment agency say they can get me a job as a part time shelf stacker which sounds so much easier than being a lawyer or a doctor but may sound unimpressive to girls.



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12 May 2014, 11:07 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Suhtek wrote:
I know this sounds cheesy but the most important thing is you like yourself. That is job one,


Getting a girl to like me - Improbable.
Learning to like myself? - Impossible!

How can I like myself when I don't have a girlfriend, a degree and a skilled job like normal people have.
Even if I got all of those things I'd still hate myself for not having gotten them sooner. e.g. not having gotten a girlfriend at normal age.
How can I like myself when I know I'm not even going to try for the degree and the skilled job because I really don't like such things but then I feel guilty for being lazy.
I'm sick of my current job so the employment agency say they can get me a job as a part time shelf stacker which sounds so much easier than being a lawyer or a doctor but may sound unimpressive to girls.


1. Unless the girl is a some kind of actually legit psychic medium (ya right) there's no way in hell she can know all that unless you tell her since those aren't facts, those are your opinions on facts. So you have a less than stellar job and dating hasn't been your forte, join the club. Let's turn all that around and say one of these girls asks you out, how enticed would you be if the proposal went like this, "I have no self-esteem, my job sucks, I feel guilty because I'm lazy, and I'm just generally not a good catch. Wanna go out sometime?"

2. You seem to have some bad stereotypes about women. Yes, there are women out there that follow the stereotype of wanting: Brad Pitt looks, the income of a doctor, the romantic experience of Casanova, and be a lap-dog for said woman. These women are delusional gold-digging tarts and they're actually pretty rare. If one of them turns you down consider yourself lucky.

3. Go back to school. School may not be your cup-of-tea but you sound intelligent enough to complete a degree. Said degree doesn't even need to be pre-med, pre-law, etc. Get something that's in a field you would like to work in that has a decent pay scale. This will give you some self-esteem in the employment/education department. Realize most women don't care about what specific job you have, but rather do you have a direction in life. I.E.-- at your age most women could care less if you're currently working a sh!t paying job as long as you have a plan to transition that into something better.



RetroGamer87
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12 May 2014, 12:34 pm

Aristophanes wrote:
Let's turn all that around and say one of these girls asks you out, how enticed would you be if the proposal went like this, "I have no self-esteem, my job sucks, I feel guilty because I'm lazy, and I'm just generally not a good catch. Wanna go out sometime?"


I didn't say that in front of her.

Aristophanes wrote:
2. You seem to have some bad stereotypes about women. Yes, there are women out there that follow the stereotype of wanting: Brad Pitt looks, the income of a doctor, the romantic experience of Casanova, and be a lap-dog for said woman. These women are delusional gold-digging tarts and they're actually pretty rare. If one of them turns you down consider yourself lucky.


I probably do. I got them from reading a lot of profiles on dating sites. Not only did they want guys who were well off (or soon would be) but I thought they might want all that money for unpleasant pastimes such as raising children 8O Most of the profiles have the box checked for "want children". I don't get why the majority of women want children. Kids are annoying and they eat money (that's something else I don't say in front of young women (and when I say it front of older women they often agree with me)).

Aristophanes wrote:
3. Go back to school. School may not be your cup-of-tea but you sound intelligent enough to complete a degree.

You can tell that from how I write? I looked into that last year and concluded that I could probably overcome my inherent laziness and get a degree but I wasn't sure if I could handle a job that would require a degree. Many of them are even more than 40 hours a week.

Aristophanes wrote:
Said degree doesn't even need to be pre-med, pre-law, etc. Get something that's in a field you would like to work in that has a decent pay scale. This will give you some self-esteem in the employment/education department. Realize most women don't care about what specific job you have, but rather do you have a direction in life. I.E.-- at your age most women could care less if you're currently working a sh!t paying job as long as you have a plan to transition that into something better.


Doctor and lawyer were just examples. I was trying to collectively refer to the whole middle class. I feel that way about all professions.

Aristophanes wrote:
Get something that's in a field you would like to work in that has a decent pay scale. This will give you some self-esteem in the employment/education department. Realize most women don't care about what specific job you have, but rather do you have a direction in life. I.E.-- at your age most women could care less if you're currently working a sh!t paying job as long as you have a plan to transition that into something better.


Direction in life. That's kind of the problem. It's hard to trek the journey when I don't like the destination. I haven't abandoned the notion completely else I wouldn't still be feeling guilty about it. There just seems to be something a little shallow about getting a particular job so people will like you yet you still make the most compelling argument I've heard in a while so I'll think about it. I hope employers don't mind that I'm older than the other first time applicants or find fault with my gap decade.

I guess you don't take after your namesake. He was critical of academics.



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12 May 2014, 1:04 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I guess you don't take after your namesake. He was critical of academics.

You hit me in my junk with that one :oops: . Aristophanes was critical of just about everyone: men and women, politicians and citizens, philosophers (academics) and laymen. Also the world is different than 400 b.c.e.-- an education of some sort is almost necessary to survive in this era. Obviously if you know who Aristophanes you can complete a degree in something since he's not the most well known or easiest author to read. If you don't want a degree I can't argue since it's your life thus your opinion trumps all, but I can say that you are significantly reducing your dating pool with that choice since a majority of women do want someone with a forward trajectory. It's just a fact.

That being said, realize that on online dating profiles the qualities people are looking for aren't the end all be all-- just like a job posting, rarely does anyone meet all the criteria. Look at all the male profiles and you'd come to the conclusion that all men are just as shallow in their own way.

As for your current 2 girls just take the leap of faith and ask one or both of them out, the worst they're going to say is no.



RetroGamer87
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12 May 2014, 2:51 pm

Aristophanes wrote:
an education of some sort is almost necessary to survive in this era.

Survival is easy. I live in a welfare state (yes I already know that's immoral and I've already felt guilty about it).
Aristophanes wrote:
Obviously if you know who Aristophanes you can complete a degree in something since he's not the most well known or easiest author to read.

I cheated. When I saw your post I looked him up on Wikipedia. I noticed he'd authored The Clouds which I'd looked up on Wikipedia last week.
Aristophanes wrote:
If you don't want a degree I can't argue

I will never be finished arguing with myself on this matter. Speaking of that, is getting a degree a lot harder than getting a community college certificate (something I did years ago). You seem to think I have the intellect for it but how about in terms of workload? Would uni take up most of my waking hours?
Aristophanes wrote:
I can say that you are significantly reducing your dating pool with that choice since a majority of women do want someone with a forward trajectory. It's just a fact.

I've got an awful feeling you might be right.
Aristophanes wrote:
all men are just as shallow in their own way.

I already knew that. I have plenty of shallow ideas about the perfect women (BMI < 20) but since nobodies perfect I'm willing to compromise. Maybe women feel the same way.
Aristophanes wrote:
As for your current 2 girls just take the leap of faith and ask one or both of them out, the worst they're going to say is no.

Will do. I'll ask them in descending order of attractiveness and mental stability. Even girls who aren't looking for a guy are probably used to it, I think.
hale bopp wrote:
If you have nothing to lose from asking them out, by all means give it a go. :D

Sure. We'll keep going to the same venues and it will be awkward if they said no but I'll just put up with that. Nothing ventured nothing gained. At least it will have been in the past.