How can I tell when someone's interested in me?

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I find it depends on the venue. For instance: at work? Some one you see on a daily basis? Then you could look for "changes" in the way the person relates to you.
Do they suddenly ask you if you want a coffee? Compliment you on on any thing? I found I had to almost process against a "template" if you get my meaning?
Don't know if that makes any sense......

Unfortunately for me its very rare when i like someone in that way- perhaps because i have to feel it in every bone of my body first for me to really want to respond. But I find there are many ways to tell when someone really likes you and probably wants to pursue something wtih you.

Starting wtih visual cues, if someone stares at you thats a very good indication- probably the best one of all because that means they want to take in more of you, visually for themselves. Do make note of a few things:
A) Does this person stare at me frequently for prolonged periods of time in an almost blank (or as shale said vacant way)?
B) Does this person look at me and very quickly turn away at times?
C) Does this person smile at me sometimes? Answering yes to all three would be a positive sign to move forward.

Also, if the person makes changes to themselves that you hadn't noticed before- my guy that i like -- don't know if i just noticed this or he was having a bad few months prior (lol!) but he cut his hair and started dressing in the most handsomest clothing and just looked very well put together. Not that he didn't before, he did..ohh trust me he did. lol but he seemed to make the attempt and that was a good enough sign for me.

Another good indicator is when someone attempts to touch you- in any way. Touch is one of those things that cannot be ignored because it is such a emotional and physically bonding thing. I know that with the aspie guy i like, when we first started talking- but had stared at each other for a while before that-- maybe his way of just being friendly was shaking my hand. I didn't think anything of it until it was like the 3rd handshake in one day and the last one we kept shaking each others hands, staring into each others eyes until we both realized we were still shaking which we then stopped and turned to nervous looks (its was so adorable!! But the embarrassing part? My mom was watching and she started giggling ).... My way of letting him know that i liked him was to develop more personal touches- one time he tried to shake my hand later and i told him no and then hugged him. I wanted to be closer to him so i couldn't help myself.

And the last of the good indicators is, talking. If you find that the other person is talking to you more thats a good signal- quality of conversation matters as well. If they are telling you about their interests or personal items like about their family or themselves then you've definitely got a good thing going for you...I find it rare that people, off the cuff, tell others personal items for no reason unless they feel close or very comfortable with you and want to draw you into their life. The guy that i like would tell me about his family history and background, things he enjoyed, his plans etc., (and this was all within 10 minutes or so of talking! it was our first long conversation)...the discussion part is as big as the visual part so be sure to tune in on both levels of flirting..

hope this helped!
Caramel

btw: Shale, you're entirely right about the whole staring thing...lol i read it and i was like, "I couldn't agree more!" lol you certainly know what you're talking about!

Not always true. I had a major crush on one of my best friends because we had tons of common interests, but he only wanted to stay friends.

my myspace is www.myspace.com/erin_thebookworm

and my personal webpage is www.teachers.kidzonline.org/eeh96

It differs from person-to-person, unfortunately. Given our tendency to miss the little cues, it makes things a little more frustrating. To tell if a GUY is interested in you? Given my level of shyness (which is QUICKLY flaking away, given my current relationship status...let's just say I'm floating right now and it feels pretty frickin' good), I've crashed and burned on more than a few occasions. Some of this is actually quite funny, mostly because it didn't happen to you.

1993 (high school). Girl whose locker was next to mine. We were really good friends. I had a crush, so I told her. Outright. I kinda scared her off and we weren't really good friends after that. We came to an understanding a few years later when I e-mailed her to say sorry, but she told me not to apologize, saying that it takes a lot of guts to let someone know how you feel.

1997 (university). Third year university. We took a Mandarin class, didn't talk to each other much, but I knew that she was pretty smokin' hot, but didn't really know her that well. We ran into each other in the halls (total fluke) and we talked about our plans for the next semester. She was taking a certain astronomy course. I was taking a different astronomy course. I dropped that course, took the same one SHE was taking. We started hanging out. I started feeling something. I would do stuff like wait for her to get her coffee, walk her places, etc. She said, "You know that you don't have to do that, right?" Of course the proper, smooth answer would've been, "You're right. I don't." (said with ca-ca-eating grin). But, this is Wrong Planet.

Of course, I go, "Well, I really like you and I like doing stuff like this." She reacted in a bit of a shock. I decided that I would never, EVER bring it up again. We lost contact for about five years, ran into each other on the bus, exchanged contact information, became friends again. She's married, living in Portland. She knows my situation and does whatever she can to help, and even occasionally tosses work in my direction.

2001 (post-film school). I met this one woman on the set of a movie. I was instantly smitten, although I knew she had a boyfriend. We chatted tons on MSN, but she started relying on me for other things like emotional support. Which I freely provided, because dammit, she's frickin' cute. And, I kept doing the Mr. Nice Guy stuff even though she kept bouncing around from boyfriend-to-boyfriend, because I figured, hey, if I keep this up, she'll decide to tire of this and decide to be with a guy who does NOT hurt her. After about three years of feeling thoroughly used, I give up. 2007, I decide I'm going to stop living for other people and after hearing that she's moving back to Taiwan, we meet for lunch and I tell her everything. And that I'm not mad at her for any of it.

2005 (vocational school). One girl actually notices me FIRST, which is a total rarity for me. She asks for my number and e-mail first, she starts figuring out where I regularly sit in class and makes a point of planting herself next to it. As she leaves class, she gives me look back as she leaves and smiles. I smile back. Girl next to me says, "Oooo-ooooh," to which I respond, "Ooooh-what?"

"You two LIKE each other," she says.

I actually make a point of asking this young woman out, and while going out and hanging out she's tossing various things in my direction that are blatant to everybody else except for me that she's got a thing for me, but I keep missing it every single time. She loses patience and we lose contact. I e-mail her recently to let her know I still think about her every so often, but mostly to apologize.

2006 (finishing school, on vacation). There's this one girl. Fairly fetching young lass. We hang out lots after class, we start getting to know each other. becoming really good friends in the process. She invites me to go on vacation with her, which I take her up on, with the recurring thought that she wants to be more than just good friends. One night, while extremely drunk, we're both on the balcony having a conversation, at which point she bemoans the lack of sex in her life, while I, half-jokingly offer my services. She promptly shoots me down, indicating that she doesn't have sex with friends and she doesn't see me that way. I promise not to bring it up ever again. Unless it's funny. So of course, when the topic comes up again, I make a point of saying, "I offered you the exclusive use of my services, my body, and my bodily fluids, which you promptly declined. Once you blow that chance, you never get another."

She laughs uncontrollably. I look her in the eyes, saying, "I really care about you a lot. And I'm glad we're good friends and that we decided to do this together." We're still incredibly good friends and we get together whenever we're both in the same town.

2006-2007 (extra curricular) activity: There's this one girl. Cute. Really frickin' cute, with a really sexy accent to boot. She sprains her ankle during our martial arts class. I go over to her to make sure she's okay, sit next to her, put my arm over her, offer to lend her an ankle support. A week or two later, I pass it along to her roommate (also a student at that class), who immediately reports, "I think he has a crush on you." And yes I did, although I didn't quite realize it at the time. Rumours circle around, so I figure that I'd BETTER ask her out. We go out for lunch, she sorta ignores me after that. We're still on speaking terms, although this hasn't really come up yet.

2007 (now): This story is still being written, so I can't really describe what's going on until I can fully step back. Let's just say that she allowed me to be open and honest and to be myself (yes, even the Rubik's Cube stuff, which is what first attracted her to me in the first place), so I was able to tell her. Yes, I enjoy our time together. Yes, I think she's hot. Yes, I really like the way it feels when...oh, okay. Too much information. But, nothing official at this point and we're just "seeing each other", but we're also more than just friends.

I don't know, but I always have the feeling when a girl finds me adorable/cute/attractive/etc.

Is it how they look at me? How they smile at me when I talk to her? How they treat me?

I don't know.

This is something I am absolutely terrible at. After caramel had pointed out the visual cues I just realized that there is a smokin' hot girl at my college that meets all 3 of these criteria.

A) Does this person stare at me frequently for prolonged periods of time in an almost blank (or as shale said vacant way)?
B) Does this person look at me and very quickly turn away at times?
C) Does this person smile at me sometimes? Answering yes to all three would be a positive sign to move forward.

There is a little something about this that gives me some misgivings. For one thing this girl I know for a fact has a boyfriend. Are these cues just her being nice, or is she being a ho? I don't know.

Haha apparently this girl came into my bf's work and did more than just the little staring/smiling thing, she was pretty much flirting with him. And she had a boyfriend, he'd dropped the car off or something. LOL.

If she's just staring etc at you, taking some serious interest like that, I'd say she's sizing you up. As someone else pointed out elsewhere, 'you don't need to be single to look at the menu'. Maybe she's not completely happy. Fark, I know exactly how that feels right now

I have that exact problem, if what i thought was true i would be a very happy chappy.

I can't tell the difference between a woman talking to me because she is interested in me and a woman talking to me just because she is friendly. So I always assume the latter. It's safer that way... More than once, I've been told by someone after the fact that they saw a woman flirting with me and I completely missed it.

Me, I figure that if a woman is genuinely interested in me and I don't pick up on her hints, if she's serious about her intention she'll make it more obvious. My first girlfriend apparently got tired of dropping hints that I wasn't picking up on, so she came right out and asked me out on a date. (That's how it got started.) And the two occasions that I've had sex, I was not the instigator either time.

Okay so i'm going to be painfully honest, she wants you. I found myself doing that with my guy at work- staring and smiling. Reason being was because i was so unhappy in my relationship but didn't know how to get out (i finally left..) and would've GLADLY left my boyfriend for him any day but i needed him to show he was interested in me-- that would've given me the push i needed to leave my then current boyfriend and finally be happy only with my guy at work.

I don't think she's a ho, lol (thats frickin funny how you put that lollll) but i think she wants to be happy with you and needs someone to take her away from her current boyfriend (next time you're around the two of them observe how they look around each other- do they look happy? truly in love? Notice her facial expressions and his and make a judgement for yourself. If she's frowning or just generally looks detached from him. Or he's frowning and looks emotionless then you can certainly know for sure that she does want you to take her away from that other situation. Another helpful way is to note their body language (Although this is something that is a bit more complicated for Aspies its really easy once you train yourself) if her or her boyfriends posture are closed meaning crossed arms, constant looking away or past him, hugging (not even a kiss on the cheek), light touching like pushing the other or patting the other on the back, legs and feet pointing in an opposite direction or body facing away from one another then you can note that this means OBVIOUS DISINTEREST in one another. If they are touching by holding hands, kissing, she is facing him and smiling, they are laughing together a lot, and they show open posture (arms are open, perhaps their bodies are constantly touching), their wrists are constantly facing one another, and their bodies are turned towards each other then you MIGHT be reading her correctly- she might not know entirely what she wants whether she wants you or him, and that she could potentially be leading you on or her heart isn't completely stuck off him yet...


I maintain my prior opinion though, I think she's very interested but, to play it safe with minimal risk, feel her out a little bit more before pursuing. If she genuinely likes you she'll give you a few more cues to know that its time for you to ask her out. Also, if you don't necessarily feel so comfortable reading body language, then just simply wait for her to intiate another sign of interest to let you know for sure.

I hope that helped!
Caramel

Ps: After observing please do come back or PM me and let me know how the observation went!

I couldn't stress this more even if I put it in bright red bold size 72 all caps. OMG.

This is exacty what happened to me. Us girls are like that, we like security before we jump into a different option.

I already had a boyfriend at the time I became very interested in a certain sexy redhead I wasn't happy in the relationship as it was a long-distance one, but I wasn't going to drop it without being sure. What made things interesting is that the guy I was interested in was an Aspie...what I needed is a confirmation from him that he DID want me...and that was one of the many things he didn't have a clue how to do. I wasn't going to dump my current boyfriend only to be rejected and single again! I seriously doubted his interest in me because he always appeared squeaky-clean (no dirty comments) and he was my ONLY friend, male or female, that NEVER touched me. I only found out about his AS AFTER we hooked up.

Most important thing you can do if you have a hunch someone might like you, and you like them back, is MAKE IT BLATANTLY OBVIOUS that you return the feelings. I cannot stress this enough. The ball is in your court in this situation...if you can prove to her you're worth the time and likely trauma of switching guys...she'll happily go through with it. That's what we girls are like...we're not looking for the most relatioships or a taste of everyone, we're looking for the BEST we can manage...the most classy dish on the menu

(PS: The way I finally hooked up with my Aspie boyfriend is interesting...he finally decided to man up and see 'how deep the rabbit hole went', in his words. He threw a dirty comment or two at me. Of course, I'm a frisky little sh!t myself so I replied with plenty more dirt. For us, as we were really good friends, that one dirty comment is all it took XD That was enough proof, for me, that he was interested...)

it's very hard to be sure , there was a girl that I though she liked me ( she was used to love to talk to me and laught with me a lot and giving me kisses and the like) for about four months ..it's a long story but in the end the truth was that she likes my friend...

so you can never be sure ....some signs can be tricky .

Thank you so much for your honesty caramel. (or are you just lying to make me feel good?)

As an aspie it might not be a good idea for me to throw dirty comments. I might throw one that's waaaaay too dirty.

Distinguish the difference between dirt and filth Hehehe

For us...I'd been blathering on about a story idea of cars as living creatures (long story...literally 200,000 words and half finished...), and had talked about the idea of a hybrid between the S201 and 22B STi Imprezas (if not sure, look it up...basically, result = WOW!), and how sexy that'd be. And basically making sexually provocative comments about different performance parts we were looking at. Yes, we were doing all this over MSN And I was being a little dirtbag. Hell, I really like getting a response out of guys A few times he'd commented 'Are you trying to kill me with excitement already?' or similar...it was the first time I'd actually gotten ANY sort of non-innocent, squeaky-clean comment out of him

The following week it was his turn to push that button again...made a very subtle comment that could be interpreted as a mere joke, or as something a bit dirty...I took the dirty option and responded likewise, and things just went nuts from there. He did a brilliant job of being very subtle, seeing if I'd actually pick up on it and bite the bait he'd cast out.

With dirty comments it's best to keep it only 'slight dirt' to make the woman in question aware of your sexuality actually existing, and see if she takes the bait. If you throw things forward that are TOO 'out there' or blatant/explicit, you're likely to get a confused or surprised response at best

Lol i'm certainly not lying... i promise i'm not!! ! hehehe this is exciting, by the way... i'm not so sure about the dirty comments- lol if you find your communications with people still a bit socially awkward. work your way up to that point.... some women might actually be slightly offended (or get the wrong idea) about what you're saying if you're not saying it JUST so....or if she's a little shy it could scare her away and point out intentions which might not be there... just give it some strong consideration before acting if you don't think you could flawlessly pull it off steer clear until you build up that level of rapport with her first...

like lets say youve been saying hi a few times and talking a little bit (like a few sentences or something).... and for instance she cut her hair and you said to her "you look beautiful" and she says "awww thank you..." and you said something to the effect of "well you always look beautiful to me" that would be a good start... and its plenty suggestive without running the risk of saying something crazy then pushing the panic button and saying something EVEN crazier...lol trust me, i know... being NT doesn't count for s**t when you're shy...