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caramel
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23 Feb 2007, 9:55 am

i know i look for a man who is secure in himself and his ability- by secure i DON'T necessarily mean confident i just mean knows what he wants in life and works hard with what he has to build a great future for himself. I like men, usually, who are shy, quiet, and mysterious (the great clashing factor with my loud ass self but i can be quiet very often as well, at the right times)....

I like a man that lets me be submissive some of the time and doesn't require that i wear the pants in the relationship and make all the decisions...i enjoy letting him "lord" over me every now and again and, when necessary, can play submissive and let me over take him. I don't want a man who thinks he has to give me his money, pay my bills, or help me out in anyway like that. I'm no golddigger. I do however think its respectable when a man sees you're in need at times and does for you knowing you'll do whatever you can when he's in need.

I also enjoy when the men i like can and loves to have fun, make jokes, play around, and be silly when the time is right. I play around a lot and he would need to know that i'm joking and that if i didn't love him i wouldn't let him see that side of me.

NOTE (in response to bazza): I'm more than intially attracted to people outside of my race... i think its something i subconsciously crave so many of the men (if not all) that i fall for are my exact opposite of my culture.. as for class and expectations i'm more than lenient with that since thats usually not what i'm thinking about from the start! :wink:



LePetitPrince
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23 Feb 2007, 12:21 pm

to sum up all of above, aspie women here like in a man :

- money (financial stability , good future,success....all these are translated to one thing : money)
-confidence
-Affection
-ability to smile and laugh
-good body
-a lot and a lot of hobbies


Now let's see what aspies/autisti males usually have , note that i am talking in general here so this doesn't include everyone :

-few money : most of autistics have difficulties in getting a job and in maintaining a job ,
-unstable confidence : most aspies/autistics lack of self-esteem because of hard childhood and this affect negatively our confidence
-weak Affection :as you all know , we autistics have difficulties in showing emotions
-weak ability to smile and laugh : *same as above*
-not very good body : according to what i saw in body-related threads , most autistic/aspies males tend to be skinny and some are fat ...that's because most us are usually geeks and not interested in gyms and usually we suck at group sports ...of course including me .
- not a lot of hobbies : lol , we autistic tend to be so obsessed in just one or max 2 hobbies at a time .


==> we autistic/aspie men are f*cked up :lol:


see why we aspies/autistic males have troubles in having relationships with women? because we are the opposite of what women want.



ZanneMarie
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23 Feb 2007, 12:40 pm

You have to modify your all statement to most.

Money - I don't really care if you have it or not, but I'm not going to support you or provide the means for you to do things with me. How you accomplish that is irrelevant to me. Not quite the same as worrying about what money you have. I also wouldn't require that you pay for me.

confidence - maybe. Arrogance and intensity aren't always seen as confidence. Sometimes they stem from insecurity actually. Of course they better be confident about how I feel since I'm so lacking in emotional displays. That might step all over them if they are insecure.


Affection - Hmmm I usually get it, but it's a coin toss whether I will accept it or be annoyed by it. I don't notice if it's there or not unless it bothers me and I certainly don't give it. Well, maybe if I really concentrate hard and I'm yelled at for not giving it I might.


Ability to smile and laugh? If it's stupid empty smiles and laughs, forget it. I'm more into serious people. They don't do much of this. People who smile and laugh easily are always suspect to me.


Good body - very nebulous. I hear a woman say, "Isn't he hot?" and I wonder what in the heck they are looking at. They all seem to like different body types. Lanky is pretty much skinny, by the way. Plus, most Aspie men have faces that I prefer. They have long faces, long noses and big foreheads many times. I like that. I just have to have other things in addition (dark hair and eyes for me). Some would fit that and some wouldn't. It all depends. Even NT women all like different body and face styles. You'd have a hard time coming up with a hard fast rule for that one.


A lot of hobbies - Again, that's nebulous. If their hobby was gambling, not many women, NT or Aspie, would put up with that. The same would be true of dog fighting, stripper bars, bungee jumping off bridges, etc. That probably wouldn't get you very many dates. The hobbies have to be acceptable to that female. In other words, things she doesn't mind being around. Most women could tolerate a guy who likes sports or country music. I couldn't. Most women would probably hate a guy who wanted to talk to them about Astrophysics. I wouldn't. Most people who date have at least some hobbies in common and they are all different. So, you could have lots of hobbies, but if they aren't interesting to lots of females, you'd still have a small pool to choose from. On the other hand, unless you want hundreds of dates a week, you only need maybe ten women around you to like what you like. I know many women who like to play computer games. NT women at that.


You're trying to break it down into a cut and dried equation which it is not. Personalities bring in too many variables. Start from what you like and go outward instead.



LePetitPrince
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23 Feb 2007, 1:06 pm

^^ ok ok ......god i can't beat you in typing :lol:

here : see why we aspies/autistic males have troubles in having relationships with MOST women? because we are the opposite of what MOST women want



ZanneMarie
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23 Feb 2007, 3:47 pm

You like dog fights, stripper bars and bungee jumping off bridges? :wink:



Shale
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23 Feb 2007, 4:34 pm

BazzaMcKenzie wrote:
This doesn't mean that love doesn't enter the equation, just that many, not all people are not generally initially attracted to people outside their own culture/class/expectations IMHO.


Ooh I don't know about that :lol: Doesn't work like that down here in NZ, in fact a huge percentage of couples starting from my parents' generation and down are multicultural. Maybe it's a NZ thing, but a common mix is white/asian (in fact my parents were one of the first chinese/white couples around :) I'm a half-caste), and white/maori, etc etc. There's a lot of colour-mixing down here so yeah, I find the above statement a little hard to swallow since there's very little evidence of that down here. That's a societal thing rather than an evolutionary thing.

The statement 'opposites attract' is true. Evolutionarily speaking, this is to avoid inbreeding. A mixture between races makes for some very strong, stable genetics as it's a mix of completely new genes. This is a fantastic way to reduce the occurrence of recessive genes that cause harm to the potential carrier. Unfortunately it also kills a lot of the rare recessive genes :( (eg: if my man and I decided to have kids, his lovely green eyes and fiery red hair would go to waste, as would the pristine white skin...my asian genes would swallow them up with brown hair, brown eyes and darker skin :? :lol:)

And I'm starting to think NZ is a bit of a strange place on the world stage indeed (wait, I already knew that) because the two Aspie guys I've met irl and known they were AS are...well, how can I put this. OMFG HOT. :D One of them is tall and VERY well built, but one of his interests is fitness, so go figure :lol: Very nice looking guy I must say, but because he takes pride in his appearance. You can still see the Aspie in him loud and clear, but because he's made himself look really good it goes from awkward to absolutely adorable :)

The other is my current man...he was pencil-thin when I met him, but he's only young and still growing. Now he has a job at a tyre shop, and every day I'm left wondering 'Okay where did THAT muscle come from?!' :lol: Lucky b@stard has a gorgeous face too. I have a hard time keeping my hands to myself. Lol. Again, because he's compensated in one area, his Aspie side goes from awkward to adorable. Unlike the former example I wish he'd take a bit MORE pride in his appearance, but that'll come with age :/

Because there are so many different kinds of women in the world, there are an infinite number of combinations for a 'desirable male'. Something that turns on one of my friends will give me the creeps. Something that I like will leave my friends WTFing.

Again I think enhancing your best features and being...let's use those words, confident and secure. :) You don't have to act a certain way, you don't have to dress a certain way, you don't have to say certain things. You most definitely can't be yourself in the 'let the belly hang over the shorts' kinda way (that is, being brutally honest about everything and just not care, women will interpret that as being rude, they'll expect an abusive relationship most likely) but again, don't put on an act the whole time cuz that'll destroy you.

Something that's working well for a friend I have in Canada...he decided to improve his image (and left his personality as it is, lol). He was very overweight and was having no luck with the ladies. He was sick of it. So, in a giant leap of faith, he got really stuck into the fitness thing...gym, running, training, eating healthily, the works. He's gone from a heavy-looking Indian teenager to a VERY VERY handsome (can I say delicious?) Indian man :) You'd think that making a huge leap in lifestyle would irreparably change you, but for him this was just tidying things up...he's still him, only with smaller clothes and getting a LOT more attention. He started off as a car geek and has ended up a hot guy with a hot car.

But that's an extreme case...not many people are motivated enough to go and cane themselves in the gym at the crack of dawn every day. :lol: And I wouldn't exactly encourage it unless you really wanted to!

As far as physical appearance goes (because let's face it, the first thing you notice about someone irl is what they look like...unless you're blind!) just being clean, well-kept and not smelly is a HUGE advantage. You don't need to look like a shop model - go with your own personal style - but keep yourself sharp. Sometimes your own lazy style of dress can put some people off (but let's face it, if people can't see through most of it then they're not worth the bother anyway), but one added item can make a huge difference. Eg: I'm usually in jeans and a t-shirt, or my stripy pants for work with a form-fitting t-shirt. Just to jazz it up for clients (graphic designers are usually kept in the back of the sweatshop and unseen, lol) I've got a loose teal shirt I throw on too, with only two or three of the buttons done up. It's not my normal style, but it's become my signature 'I'm dressed up lolz' style. Taking what you have and adding to it can make a HUGE leap in how you are perceived physically.

Mentally, women tend to prefer the happy medium between painful shyness and arrogance. It goes along the spectrum for each girl in question. I personally can't stand over-confident guys, they come across as greasy. Shy guys? I find them annoying, I almost want to slap some man into them because usually I don't think the shyness is warranted (as in, they're perfectly good people, no need to huddle away). It's the 'I'm okay' attitude that feels best, I reckon...knowledge that you are worth something, that you're likable to enough people (the people that matter - the ones that actually care about YOU - and they do exist!), in your abilities...without being cocky. It's hard to convince yourself 'hey, I'm not so bad' but it's worth trying :) We ladies can sense it, actually. If you believe in yourself, we will too. If you think you're worthless, we'll sense that and wonder why...or just not bother.

But if you want a hard-and-fast, idiot-proof way to win the race... If you find a girl you like, and you think she might like you back, find a way to make her feel wanted. Special. Like she's the only that matters. Like she's the centre of your universe (as she should be...because trust me if she falls in love with you, her world will revolve around YOU, you will be her star). If you can make someone feel wanted, loved, important, special...then the chances of her being swept off her feet by you are very high :)



RedMage
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23 Feb 2007, 8:59 pm

I look for video gamers.



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23 Feb 2007, 10:06 pm

Woah, those are long paragraphs! 8O



CockneyRebel
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23 Feb 2007, 10:21 pm

A man who will treat me like the intelligent, high functioning, upstanding adult that I am.



BazzaMcKenzie
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24 Feb 2007, 1:44 am

Shale wrote:
And I'm starting to think NZ is a bit of a strange place on the world stage

I like kiwis.

I hear there are now significantly more young women than men in NZ (due to young men moving to Oz) so NZ could be a good place for a young aspie male to go :lol:


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Shale
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24 Feb 2007, 11:37 am

NZ is experiencing a man-drought, yes...lots more women than men. Also, Kiwis tend to be a lot more sex-obsessed from a younger age :lol: We're a funny lot.



GoatOnFire
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25 Feb 2007, 11:24 pm

What women want from a man: Money, power, and a big pee-pee place.

Ok seriously. LePetitPrince said what women want are these. and Aspies generally don't have them.

LePetitPrince wrote:
to sum up all of above, aspie women here like in a man :

- money (financial stability , good future,success....all these are translated to one thing : money)
-confidence
-Affection
-ability to smile and laugh
-good body
-a lot and a lot of hobbies

see why we aspies/autistic males have troubles in having relationships with women? because we are the opposite of what women want.


Money I'm not sure about this until I see what kind of job I get after I graduate.
Confidence I have in almost everything except dealing with women.
Affection I actually like, but I'm afraid to give because I don't want to be accused of sexual harassment.
Ability to smile and laugh. I don't have. I can laugh at funny stuff though
Good body. I actually have this, I'm a collegiate athlete. It's so infuriating because I have chicks hitting on me all the time and I can never get it to work cause I have no idea how to handle it.
I don't have a lot of hobbies.

I don't like dog fights. :x I do like stripper bars. (So sue me, only chance I have to see that):P Bungee jumping off bridges? I've never tried that but it sounds kind of fun. :roll:



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26 Feb 2007, 7:55 am

I've had it with men. I'd rather look at a Routemaster.



NeoPlatonist
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26 Feb 2007, 11:41 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
to sum up all of above, aspie women here like in a man :

- money (financial stability , good future,success....all these are translated to one thing : money)
-confidence
-Affection
-ability to smile and laugh
-good body
-a lot and a lot of hobbies

see why we aspies/autistic males have troubles in having relationships with women? because we are the opposite of what women want.


Money: College Student, 'nuf said. :roll:
I'm studying theater so there's not much prospect of massive riches after I graduate.

Confidence: The confident part of me is not the part of me that talks to people most of the time. I am confident around people only when I know them well so this is no help for meeting women.

Smiling and Laughing: I'm usually wearing my scowl of concentration (when I'm thinking I look angry apparently). I think I'm funny in a dry sense but my humor is never well received so I've stopped making jokes.

Good Body: I'm really tall and pretty strong but I have a nice layer of fat over all that so I don't really look it. I do have a nice shoulder to waist ratio. However, I never get attention for my body.

Hobbies: I only have a few very intense and esoteric interests that hardly anyone shares.


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26 Feb 2007, 12:03 pm

I'm sure all ladies look for a man with a 15" cock, the ability to kill someone in a single punch and a terrifyingly volatile attitude. Just like all men lust after stick-thin women of all ages with big, plastic tits.



ahayes
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26 Feb 2007, 12:43 pm

Tequila wrote:
I'm sure all ladies look for a man with a 15" cock, the ability to kill someone in a single punch and a terrifyingly volatile attitude. Just like all men lust after stick-thin women of all ages with big, plastic tits.


Mine is 32". I can kill somebody by looking at them. I will turn everyone around me into a bloody mist at the slightest shock. And I look for women who are thin to the point they are two dimensional except for their boobs, with boobs that weigh 60lbs/ea, and I want three of them.