Do you ever feel bad about being anti-social?

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KB8CWB
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16 Jun 2014, 4:38 pm

Nonperson wrote:
I've had people try to make me feel bad about it, but I don't. The way I see it, I don't bother people, I mind my own business, and that's all I ask of them, too. They are the ones being rude by demanding my attention.


+ 1

I mind my own business however I will try and not be rude when addressed. But if the other party chooses to drag it on especially if I am dis-interested, I have been told that I come across as VERY rude. Trying to bow out of said situation is very clumsy for me at best. I have little to no finesse or patience for it!



ikerio
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16 Jun 2014, 4:58 pm

NO!



JacobV
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16 Jun 2014, 5:41 pm

qawer wrote:
Do you ever feel bad about being anti-social?

I mean, do you ever come to feel like a "bad person" because you do not want to "share yourself" with others socially.

This is a dilemma for me. On the one hand I hate all the social play/teasing/bullying going on. But I realize it has to be there to make a social group work. If you are not ready to act submissively for more well-accepted/popular people than yourself, you act anti-socially. Really!
But this acting submissive for the group makes me feel awful.
How does one deal with this?


try to look at it from a different perspective.. you are not being submissive for letting others speak and state their opinions... you are being explorative. like an explorer travelling to foreign areas.. you are an observer. You will not get the nice ego-rub that NT's get when they feel others approvals or praise.. but it will serve its purpous in maintaining family ties and in feeling positive and happy.

the first step... the pain and discomfort you go through when you push yourself into social situations is the worst of it... the rest is pretty painless and the more you do it the easier it will get.. as long as you keep your explorative/observer attitude.

There is something major that is being missed when you avoid socializing... you don't get to hear other people's stories.. their trials.. their tribulations.. their hurting.. their succeeding... you don't get to hear all those other peoples personal stories and see the effects of it.... I know I don't... and so i become even more introverted with only my own history to look to and dramatize and get anxious over.... but when i talk to other people.. start relating and triyng to connect to them... it makes my own life seem not so bad.. not so dramatic.. not so anxious... it's just life

aspies... neurotypicals... we're all just ordinary people https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIh07c_P4hc



StarsInMyMargarita
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16 Jun 2014, 6:19 pm

I didn't realize that I was noticeable until recently, when a coworker I gave a ride home told me the new staff were asking about me. They never said hi or anything, but then I was usually assigned to work in the back, away from everyone else, so I'm not sure when I would have had the opportunity to say anything.
But I think I'm likable, or else ignorable? lol I rarely have issues with other people, and I manage to feel comfortable with being quiet around my usual coworkers. The high school students tend to throw me off just a little. :P

The only time I really feel bad about not being talkative is when people say things like (though I can't remember how they say it exactly), "I think you're the sort of person who would come in and murder everybody." I have no idea how they get that, but it's discouraging.



kraftiekortie
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16 Jun 2014, 6:26 pm

I think you're all right, personally.

Have you researched anything about financial aid?



dianthus
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16 Jun 2014, 6:31 pm

qawer wrote:
I mean, do you ever come to feel like a "bad person" because you do not want to "share yourself" with others socially?


Sometimes, yeah, especially if a person is really trying to be friendly with me and I can't reciprocate or just don't want to reciprocate. That makes me feel bad. But it also makes me feel frustrated that they are sort of pushing that on me when I didn't expect it or ask for it.

Ultimately no I don't feel bad, because sharing myself seems like it means more to me than it does to other people. And I want it to mean more. I can't share myself in a casual way like other people do. So it's really not fair if I open up and start to care about someone a lot, while they just think of me as an acquaintance. I need to know that they are really going to value me as a person and value my friendship before I share much of myself.



kraftiekortie
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16 Jun 2014, 6:36 pm

If I feel like being anti-social, I don't feel bad that I was anti-social. I feel bad if I offended anyone as a result of me being anti-social.

Sometimes, I just want people to let me have my own space...please!! !

I wouldn't last in cultures which emphasize group dynamics over individualism. I'm just not a group dynamics-type guy--except when I'm playing sports. When I'm playing sports, I just need to be minimally social--just enough to do what I have to do for my team. I like action, not talk. I wish it were like the old days, when people just made great plays--they didn't jump up and down and do a "sack dance" or whatever. They just went back to the huddle, dugout, or bench and let the next person do his thing.



ajjfan
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16 Jun 2014, 6:50 pm

I never really felt bad about being anti-social, but I used to feel like I was missing out by being anti-social. I wanted to go to parties and be one of the cool kids growing up, even though I always felt different from them. Now that I'm older, I've been to a few parties and what not, had a girlfriend, had a group of friends and having experienced those things has kind of given me a "been there, done that" attitude. I built it up too much in my head that when it actually happened, it wasn't what I expected. The parties were a let down because I either got too drunk there or I just felt like I'd rather be at home. The girlfriend provided some really good times, but some really negative aspects as well and after we broke up it crushed me for a long time. Now I'm in no rush to get in another relationship. 3 years single and counting. As for that group of friends, we don't really talk anymore because all they ever wanted to do was hit the clubs and get wasted and try to get with chicks. That doesn't really interest me anymore, I'd rather stay sober and keep to myself.

So yeah, I no longer have that feeling of longing to be accepted by others, I don't care anymore.



kraftiekortie
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16 Jun 2014, 6:56 pm

Ajjfan: do you have any special interests? Frequently, learning about things is much better than hitting the bars seeking chicks.



AlfredRI48
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16 Jun 2014, 7:01 pm

I personally stay away from social situations whenever possible. There were many times when i went to a relatives house and a bunch of people are sitting at the table and talking, and I just go by myself and sit in the living room, play with the dog, watch TV, use my phone etc. Then someone will get up and ask me to come in the kitchen, and I decline. I probably seem rude. Since I was a child I was very shy, and although I'm not as shy, I just feel very awkward socially, so to answer your question, no I don't feel badly because I'm just not comfortable with social events etc.



AlfredRI48
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16 Jun 2014, 7:02 pm

I personally stay away from social situations whenever possible. There were many times when i went to a relatives house and a bunch of people are sitting at the table and talking, and I just go by myself and sit in the living room, play with the dog, watch TV, use my phone etc. Then someone will get up and ask me to come in the kitchen, and I decline. I probably seem rude. Since I was a child I was very shy, and although I'm not as shy, I just feel very awkward socially, so to answer your question, no I don't feel badly because I'm just not comfortable with social events etc.



ajjfan
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16 Jun 2014, 7:04 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Ajjfan: do you have any special interests? Frequently, learning about things is much better than hitting the bars seeking chicks.


I love music, hockey, video games, science related stuff (especially about space and earth). Agreed, it's safer and much more productive imo.



kraftiekortie
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16 Jun 2014, 7:25 pm

Especially as regards video games and science-related stuff, you have much in common with many people on this site.



ajjfan
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16 Jun 2014, 7:47 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Especially as regards video games and science-related stuff, you have much in common with many people on this site.


Haha I'm glad, to be honest I'm not sure if I have aspergers, but I came here because did some research about it. I've felt different my whole life, not really knowing why, and a lot of the symptoms are basically word for word what I have gone through, so it would make sense. It's nice to know others are interested in the same stuff though.



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16 Jun 2014, 7:53 pm

Most of us on the spectrum are not anti social--we are non social. People who are anti social tend to be mad at the world, or hate a lot of other people, and not always rationally. Non social people may be mad about some specific things and some specific people, but are other wise not mad at anyone or thing. I am non social, not anti social. I will never be a social butterfly, but that's fine with me. Unfortunately, my upper 80s extrovert father has a problem with my non social status, and keeps trying to make me change. I am in my mid 50s. If I haven't turned into a social butterfly by now, and am fine with being non social, that change ain't gonna happen. lol



StarsInMyMargarita
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16 Jun 2014, 8:29 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I think you're all right, personally.

Have you researched anything about financial aid?

Lol, thanks. :)

I emailed a counselor, and she said to get off aid suspension I have to get a 2.0 GPA or finish a cumulative 67% of my courses, and make an improvement plan. She said we can make an appeal, but I don't know what "extenuating circumstances" mean. She said we could make an appointment, but the last time I went to see a school counselor was in 11th grade, routinely, just so that I could do my math work. I haven't emailed back. Maybe my mom would come with me.