Banned from POF

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Right, it doesn't matter what you were wearing, because the policy doesn't look at you specifically. You should get in touch with the CEO, he seems quite open to conversation.

sorry for the side track I caused. I will try to remember in the future to just ignore them or rather not read any thread by them or posted in by them(later hard to do) wish I could just hid their posts.

I didn't intend to sidtrack your thread I just felt hurt then i get defensive and my aspie cause me to not give up. not worth causing more drama they won't see my side.

please do feel free to stop responding hysterically to things i never said that your imagination concocts. it might do some good for your own mental health.

how is that suppose to be at helpful to anything. just leave me alone. I don't know why I ever liked you.

why can't we all just stop with this pointless gender wars s**t.
neither of us will agree , what good does fighting with each other do other then cause more hurt and pain.

when I first came here you and tan seemed nice, but this last month or so of gender ways has made me grown disgusted by you two.

why can't we all just have our differences. and move on. those who agree with you do and thos who don't don't continuing the fight here won't sway the other side it just deepens the divide.

I'm not even 100% disagreeing with either of you

Last edited by sly279 on 23 Jul 2014, 1:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Don't worry about it man. My issue with POF isn't a concern to me anymore, I'm done with it. You will have some conflicting personalities on these forums, maybe it would be best to avoid each other. Live and let live, I guess..

sorry you lost your account there, but if they ban people willy nealy then perhaps its not a good site to be on. I haven't been using it for a few weeks now myself.

they tend to reply to most threads which then turn into gender war threads. in order for it to work they would have to avoid certain threads to. it is likely they suffer the same downfall as once they read something that upsets them they feel the need to reply. or else they would have not replied to me and the conversation would have ended.

oddly I'd felt ignored but perhaps it's the better of two evils. In an ideal world I and they would get along as I once thought we did.

maybe if you would stop trying to shame us out of talking about our experiences with rape and harassment we wouldn't have these clashes--'cause really, i don't get that reaction from guys enough, like it's something awful I DID and should be embarrassed to talk about it because it makes GUYS that have nothing to do with my experience uncomfortable. f**k THAT. i'm not going to avoid talking about what happened to me because it makes YOU feel bad for no rational reason at all.

first not trying to shame you . not your fault people hurt you. as i stated in this or the other thread I am fine with hearing about what happen I've listened to tons of female friends tell me about how they were raped. they don't say most or alot of guys rape or do other stuff. they talk about the guy or guys who hurt them. not about how there might be a who bunch of guys who do the act but about the guys who did the act to them. thats the difference between talking about what happen to you and saying that a number of a group does the act.

I am and will be the first to try to comfort and defend victims. If there was any way I could go back in time and stop the guys who hurt me friends I would. It makes me beyond sad that they were hurt. and face to face with those guys in a non law based society I would kill them. I wouldn't think twice about killing a guy/girl who was trying to rape or hurt another person either.

why can't you talk about your expeince like

oh yeah that happen to me the guy did. .... and ..... <-- about you and what happen and relating to others with similar expediences.
rather then yeah well most guys do that. <- generalizing and hurtful

my sperm donor abused and raped my siblings. I was molested by a close family friend.
my friends were raped. I won't share their details
I don't blame men I blame the sperm donor and friend If I tell people about it I talk about what those guys did, not about how a a lot of men do it.

I've seen and heard about quite a bit of rape/murder/abuse women have done. theres shows/channels dedicated to it it seems. yet I would not say a lot of women do that. you told me it was wrong I've mad great efforts to avoid generalizing as best I could. if anything this has shown me how hurtful it can be.

personal experiences doesn't equal a lot of men it means the expeinces you had. I would listen freely to such things and try to comfort as best and probably awkwardly as I can.

I do not shame victims or think they should be embarrassed.

and while not as bad I had my experiences with women and you told me the way I spoke about it was wrong. and you were right. I feel the same is valid here.

hearing of rape does make me uncomfortable yes, but it is something I go through.

this last few weeks has just mad me feel depressed and horrible the generalizing about the male sex is sickening.

I. NEVER. SAID. MOST. GUYS. RAPE.

you can seriously f**k off now, i am done speaking to you.

I can't find the page where you said that. If you said "A lot of women want a guy to have a job, car, house, and be attractive to date him", I would agree, but I would also ask what does this have to do with women being harassed?

As an example, think of children. You have a classroom full of them. Have you ever seen them get a privilege, and that ONE kid ruins it, and then the whole class no longer gets it? That's what is similar to what the whole penis picture conversation is about.

I still agree with the OP, and I think it's unfair what happened. However, as autistic people, we have to remember that sometimes we do and say things with no intention to offend, but we do. Also, there are a lot of people with all sorts of problems out there, and sure, he could have been one of the ones that was innocent. I don't think I saw anything really blaming the OP, and I feel bad that he was kicked off that site if he truly did nothing to offend.

"so no you don't say me personally just men in general are those things. "

Who said this? Did anyone say "men in general"? All I've been reading is something to the tune of (to paraphrase) "some men post penis pics so much that it annoyed the mods and they responded".

"fact is when a person says most men rape women, it makes men feel like they are part of the most. since most would be a over 50% of the population of males, it is likely then that I would be part of the that. you two seem to view sexism one sided."

Did anyone say "most men rape women", or did they say "rapists are most likely to be male"? Regardless of where you stand on the second statement, they have two very different meanings.

"saying alot or most men do something hurts mine and others feelings how is it ok?."

There is a very big difference between saying "a lot" and "most". Let us use the number 100. Would you consider 80/100 most? I suppose that's reasonable, right? However, simply 25/100 can be considered "a lot". After all, it IS 1/4. However, it's not most at all.

Have you considered other dating sites? I'm serious. I mean, if you really are a nice person, it might make sense, anyways. If that website if full of d*ck pics, you won't want to be associated with that. It might be better to find a good site where it's just not all about nudity, you know? You might have the ability to find more stable people on there, too.

The only guy from pof I ever met was a real sleaze ball. Both my ex boyfriends I met on OK cupid. Dont waste your time with gk2gk.

This has put me off dating sites for a *very* long time.

I made the mistake of saying women want t guy to have...
Tan said a lot not some back when I asked if changing to a lot instead of just women I was told no

As for a lot of men are rapist etrc wasn't said in this thread . you'd have to dig through other threads to find the quotes . it just built up til I couldn't keep quiet anymore

I was told saying most/a lot/some was still bad women are individuals and can't assume any share one train of thought. I took it to heart and I see it applies to men too

If you actually want to have a real discussion about sexism, then you need to actually engage the discussion rather than arguing points that aren't even being discussed. It seems pretty clear to me that when you read a post about sexism the "straw feminist" that lives in your head is the one doing the translating. That explains why in your head, "a lot = all" and "some=most."

If the women in this thread were making sweeping generalizations about men I would call them out on thier sexism, but that's not the case here. In fact, I've seen sexist threads about men on this forum made by women (although not nearly as many as the reverse) and everytime the women got called out for it despite your claims of a double standard.

Here's a great article explaining the comic pretty clearly and concisely if you're still confused:

http://time.com/#79357/not-all-men-a-br ... -argument/

Do you not see how you're the one choosing to take this "dick pic" argument personally even though it has absolutley nothing to do with you? You've literaly had to change the definitions of core english pronouns in order for your argument to make any sense.

Ahh. Yes, when you say "Women do this" or "Men do this" it implies ALL of them. I do this, too, but I don't really mean "all". Plus, some of us need very precise language or we will take everything as the literal meaning.

I can't really find where she said that, because it's honestly a bit too much for me to read right now. However, if you are going based off of accuracy of words, then you would be correct. However, I think she might have meant it wouldn't be OK because the conversation wasn't about what women were doing wrong in the first place. So, she might have said it was not OK, but had a different reason than what you thought. You would have to clarify that with her, though, as I (unfortunately) can't read minds.

Well, a lot of men ARE rapists. However, this does not imply that every man is a rapist, or even most. I suppose it can be easy to take things personally sometimes when the subject is so broad (men, and you are a man). However, it's important to note that if you aren't a rapist, don't worry about it. I know that a lot of autistic males get upset because they may have been called creeps before and they weren't doing something on purpose or didn't understand. This may be where your emotions stem from, and that's OK.

Technically, saying "most" or "a lot" is usually bad when speaking about topics such as this. However, saying "some" is OK. The problem lies in saying something like this:

Example: Some women dress in clothing that reveals their breasts, and they are sluts. (This would be sexist regardless of HOW many women you claimed did this)
Example: I'm having trouble finding a mate. Some women only want men who are attractive, rich, and have nice cars. (This can be sexist because it almost implies that ALL of the women you meet only want this, and that you are doing nothing to put these women off. In reality, maybe you came on a little too fast, but you are blaming the women for their views. You are also essentially implying that the women you meet need to lower their standards for you, and that implies a sense of entitlement to women just because you are a man)

Note: These are just examples I have seen from talking to men throughout my life. I do not want you to think I mean that you personally said them.

As you can see, sometimes there are misunderstandings when talking about sexism. Since autistic people can accidentally say what they DON'T mean, it can be even worse. Word usage is very important, and there needs to be a lot of clarification, or else there are fights like this.

It might be more helpful to next time ask for clarification, even if you need it several times. Ask for someone to specifically breakdown your word usage and which words are offensive and WHY. Otherwise, I find that people just assume you should know this stuff, which is not the case. If someone says something like "You know what you did", "You are being purposefully obtuse", "You know why this is sexist", and they refuse to clarify on a site for autistic people, it's best to just let it go or ask someone else. I'm not saying that's what happened here, I'm just saying this is a way to avoid those pent of feelings. I've been there, and on this site we should all be aware a LOT of us are prone to all sorts of misunderstandings.