Banned from POF

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Ahh. Yes, when you say "Women do this" or "Men do this" it implies ALL of them. I do this, too, but I don't really mean "all". Plus, some of us need very precise language or we will take everything as the literal meaning.

I can't really find where she said that, because it's honestly a bit too much for me to read right now. However, if you are going based off of accuracy of words, then you would be correct. However, I think she might have meant it wouldn't be OK because the conversation wasn't about what women were doing wrong in the first place. So, she might have said it was not OK, but had a different reason than what you thought. You would have to clarify that with her, though, as I (unfortunately) can't read minds.

Well, a lot of men ARE rapists. However, this does not imply that every man is a rapist, or even most. I suppose it can be easy to take things personally sometimes when the subject is so broad (men, and you are a man). However, it's important to note that if you aren't a rapist, don't worry about it. I know that a lot of autistic males get upset because they may have been called creeps before and they weren't doing something on purpose or didn't understand. This may be where your emotions stem from, and that's OK.

Technically, saying "most" or "a lot" is usually bad when speaking about topics such as this. However, saying "some" is OK. The problem lies in saying something like this:

Example: Some women dress in clothing that reveals their breasts, and they are sluts. (This would be sexist regardless of HOW many women you claimed did this)
Example: I'm having trouble finding a mate. Some women only want men who are attractive, rich, and have nice cars. (This can be sexist because it almost implies that ALL of the women you meet only want this, and that you are doing nothing to put these women off. In reality, maybe you came on a little too fast, but you are blaming the women for their views. You are also essentially implying that the women you meet need to lower their standards for you, and that implies a sense of entitlement to women just because you are a man)

Note: These are just examples I have seen from talking to men throughout my life. I do not want you to think I mean that you personally said them.

As you can see, sometimes there are misunderstandings when talking about sexism. Since autistic people can accidentally say what they DON'T mean, it can be even worse. Word usage is very important, and there needs to be a lot of clarification, or else there are fights like this.

It might be more helpful to next time ask for clarification, even if you need it several times. Ask for someone to specifically breakdown your word usage and which words are offensive and WHY. Otherwise, I find that people just assume you should know this stuff, which is not the case. If someone says something like "You know what you did", "You are being purposefully obtuse", "You know why this is sexist", and they refuse to clarify on a site for autistic people, it's best to just let it go or ask someone else. I'm not saying that's what happened here, I'm just saying this is a way to avoid those pent of feelings. I've been there, and on this site we should all be aware a LOT of us are prone to all sorts of misunderstandings.

only using their logic and doing the same thing they did to me.

all I'm going to say. they the ones that told me using words like a lot or most is bad.

^^everything you said after this bit was pretty reasonable, but i think this is where you made a mistaken assumption. guys that make these kinds of irrational arguments don't want to engage because the topic makes them uncomfortable--and their solution for that is not to help end sexism by engaging in good faith discussion and learning about the topic, but rather to try to discourage women from talking about it by calling anyone who does a misandrist.

I have said similar thing about how most the women' i'v seen want a guy with a car, house/appartment , good job and handsome. this isn't possible that I just wasn't the type of guy they wanted and I am assuming they rejected me cause the list of things. this is based on the fact most in this are list the list on their ads/profiles. I never even contact them to be rejected by them cause I don't meet the list.

I wouldn't say lower their standard, though I suppose if one views humans as such it could be seen that way. I don't value, income, items, cars, or clothing when considering a mate. I base my decision off of personality, how they treat others, and if they are somewhat attractive(face). demanding the perfect mate is unrealistic. how many male models who have a coperate job and condo, could there possible be. perhaps this is why the same women are still on cl and okc year after year, and eventually take to complaining on their profile about how no "real man" has swept them off their feet.

I am losing interest in okc and pof. its the same women that have been there for years now. they aren't getting new women joining though they do lose some to inactivity and the few that found a match. that is a topic for another thread though.

as for sexism
"prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex."
saying women want something doesn't seem to fall under this. but I was told as it might make women feel bad it is sexist.
the comments I pointed out made men feel bad, so it seemed to meet the same non law description.

but they are always right and us me will always be wrong it seems.
saying a lot of men only want sex is sexist yes? why isn't a lot of men are rapist?
saying some men only want sex, is true. there are men who just want sex. same as there are some men who are rapist. only rapist I've know was my biological dad. I have come in contact with hundreds of men since who aren't. 1 of 100 doesn't seem like a lot to me.

I could see if a person knew 50 rapist out of the 100 guys. they might feel and say it was a lot. but to say a lot in general seems wrong as I was told you can't know every man. so how could you know how many do these things compared to how many don't without just generalizing or assuming.

I don't see a point in continuing after this post though. It seems it just makes them feel like I am a bad guy.

I all wanted was for them to do as they told me and phase stuff differently so it wouldn't come off as hurtful. but to ask that makes me a cry baby or hysterical

sly, I apologize, this is more complicated than I'd considered.

You're right, words/phrases like "a lot, most, all," often signal sexism. The problem -- and here's where it gets tricky -- is that these aren't the only indicators and can't be used in a literal fashion. This is where social context comes in. And that really is tricky, especially here, because it involves being aware of ideas -- historical and otherwise -- related to gender and sexism.

If I say, "Women love cake pops" -- well, someone might get annoyed, because that's pretty darn broad, and maybe there's some implication that women just want adorable treats. Sort of like the weird "yogurt is a lady food" thing that's happened in advertising. But I don't think you'd find many who'd call it a big deal. "Women have rape fantasies," though (and yes, this is a thing people say), is something totally different, because it's not only *definitely* not true across the board, but feeds into a seriously dangerous and old idea that women actually want to be raped and, in general, dominated. Similarly, "Women want to have children" -- well, that's part of an old (and harmful) idea that women are essentially walking uteruses and that this is primarily what they want to do with their lives; it's also part of another old (and harmful) idea that women who don't want children are cold and unnatural, some sort of witches.

That requires a lot of prior knowledge and context, and I can see how this could get extremely frustrating.

Have you considered trying to join another dating site? I keep hearing about these specific ones, and they seem awful. Obviously, if you do not value material items, and you keep seeing profiles that expect that, it can seem very hopeless. However, since we know not all females are like that, I'm thinking there MUST be some sort of dating site where things like nude pictures and wanting money aren't extremely common.

I understand how gender roles also affect males. It's hard, especially when you already have trouble socializing. I'm hoping someone can recommend a good dating site for you. I don't really know of any. :/ Perhaps you need a female who lives life "one day at a time". I know some people who are into this are kind of hippie like, risk takers, very outgoing, they might like the outdoors a lot, or even be a philosophy major. I'm not sure where to meet those people at, but maybe there is some sort of meet up group you can find that focuses more on other things besides money and status. The only website I can recommend is www.meetup.com . I hope this helps you a bit.

As someone who very emotional, I understand about the rewording thing. If you feel misunderstood, I think it would be best to say that and try your hardest to think about what your feelings are. It helps to use "I feel" statements, so that way you don't sound like you are attacking someone and they will respond better to how you are feeling and why. Does this make sense?

I'm really not a bad person. I do get emotional, which Is why I tend to relate better to women then men. I can't be emotional with guys its not what they do.

i know not all women are like that, but those who aren't fall into 1.married/in relationship 2. not interested/attracted to me 3. not on dating sites, so I won't have a chance to meet them.

I've tried a bunch of different dating sites, I have profiles on many. most cost money for you to message or receive messages.
okc and pof are the best of the free ones and have more real people then a bunch of the paid sites. I've tried cl even. I got a few people that went to the texting point, though i've had a bunch who will ask for phone number in message 1 or 2 seems super odd. I prefer to email for at least a week.

I don't know i need a balanced female. I can be day by day. but I also prefer to plan things out. i've found that women who don't plan anything irritate me. like planning camping trips, traveling, or just budgeting monthly money. I can't just up and do big things. get panic attacks if i do and get indecisive. like if its 5 mins before dinner and someone is like where doyou want to eat place a or place b. I freeze up. but yeah someone who has their whole life planned out probably will find me not ambitious.

I've checked meetup but they don't have much in my area. there's a walking group but they do trips to Europe to walk.

I don't know to be honest I feel I belong out on a mountain somewhere away from people, so i dont hurt them.
if I ever win the lottery I plan to buy a house out somewhere and be reclusive. it won't be good for my mental and emotional state but I feel it would be best for others.

So...basically what you're saying is you have a few hangups. Welcome to the real world, right?!

Something that makes me feel good are those little moments now that I'm married that remind me, "yeah, I still got it." I was at a conference last week and spent about 15 minutes "chatting up" someone. I only did it because I knew I'd most likely never see this person again, and I was more interested in making a professional contact anyway. But it was a real confidence booster.

What you will find is that with maturity you'll learn to let a lot of things go that aren't really that important when it comes to inteerpersonal relationships, to include romantic relationships. You'll find there are a lot more women out there you had no idea were so interesting. It's the whole comfort-zone hangup you're struggling against. The more you reevaluate what's really important and focus your dating interests in that direction, the easier it's going to be.

We're a society of pretentious idiots. Simple as that.

My guess is that the problem is unrelated to the break up. I don't think that the moderators would have banned you just because somebody said that you were a creep. If dating sites did that, they'd have no members left by the end of the month.

NT here (sorta :p) who met Aspie BF on POF. My two cents, there is no way she could have you banned for anything done or said off the POF site proper. Any messages or pics sent to a personal number would be disregarded, let alone something you allegedly said. Unless you sent her a nude pic on the site or where sexually inappropriate/verbally abusive then she could not report you for misconduct.

Sounds like your lack of access using that email is some kind of technical error. I would contact POF administrators and have it fixed