Fake NT?

Post Reply New Topic

Faking it is exhausting. I have to fake it at work to a certain extent.

NT mode:

1. Ignore my fear of opening doors. Open door.
2. Try to ignore everyone looking at me/fluorescent lights/posters/disinfectant smell/vibration through the floor/things not in their right place/loud conversations/ phone ringing (in effect, the whole environment)
3. Ignore any difficulties speaking to people and say, "Good morning. How are you?" (Which to me is just stupid)
4. Sit through meetings with people looking at me/fluorescent lights etc (see number two) while secretly freaking out that someone might actually ask me a question and expect me to speak.
5. Ignore my fear of interacting with people and try to interact with people.

ASD mode:

1. Don't ignore my fear of opening doors. Don't open door. Problem solved.

Which is easier I ask you?

I copied my regular peers when I was in elementary and high school, because I didn't want people to suspect that there was something wrong with me. I was trying not to get picked on, so I tried my best to hide any of my faults. I've also tried to hide my accent when I was between the ages 16 and 19 with no results. I stopped doing that when I was 19. I also faked feminine and hippie to get my bullies off my back in Grades 11 and 12.

OK, so I've noticed a lot of people here somehow think of "faking it" or "acting NT" as being malicious or otherwise "bad". The truth is, there's nothing wrong with how NTs act compared to us, they're only human, and so are we! Acting "NT" is just difficult for us because we're not wired for it. I mentioned earlier on that NT society "sucks", well it sucks for ME and other people who don't quite fit in, just because it's so hard to fit in. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, it's just a pain in the ass to adapt to.

Generally, NTs aren't out to harm us, and in fact in a lot of cases they even want to help us. It can be hard for them to, because they have a hard time relating to our experiences, sort of the same way we may have trouble relating to theirs. Of course, by studying them we can better understand them, and by them studying us, they can better understand us.

Some NTs hate aspies, and even some aspies hate aspies. These people aren't the majority though, and most of the NTs that give us difficulties in our day to day lives do it because they simply don't understand. It can be hard to make them understand, because unlike being a limb amputee, ASD is an "invisible" condition, and "invisible" conditions tend to be much harder to explain. Some people are open to explanation, some aren't, but the ones who aren't are not usually trying to be malicious.

My point is, there's nothing wrong with how NTs are, and there's nothing wrong with trying to act like them either. What IS wrong is acting like a hateful SOB. Don't do that. People tend to hate it.

^ Well said.

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

Sorry for making this thread.

I just meant that I don't know how to "blend in" with other people - once I start speaking or interacting with others, it becomes blatantly obvious that I'm autistic.

....and I don't care if people think I'm weird. I don't see the point in trying to be someone I'm not.

I want to delete this thread.

I do not appreciate being mocked and made fun of.

Thank you.

Of course there are logical reasons for faking it. It's about 3 things:
1. Doing something you dislike to get the outcome you want
2. Your ability to do it, and
3. Your tolerance levels for the anxiety it produces

I teach "disconnected" / disadvantaged students in years 10, 11 and 12. Teaching gives me joy.. and in order to do that, I have to follow the culture of the place where I work. Not totally, but to a degree that I can handle. The anxiety of doing so does depresses me at times, but when I see a student achieving where normal high school has failed them, it kind'a makes it worthwhile. I could be more me, but that would put me out of favour and eventually exclude me from doing the role that makes me happy.

Incidental background: I spent several years in mechanical engineering roles, before migrating to IT, which I spent 15 years in. I was highly paid in IT, but at my age it's not about the money. Moving into low paid teaching has been, in many ways, very fulfilling, even though it elevates my anxiety.

My neurologist and psychiatrist both agree that I'm more classic autism than Asperger's. I keep procrastinating about changing my signature.

I find it incredibly difficult to even carry a conversation, let alone fake / imitate something or someone.

I don't know how to blend in with other people either.
And I don't care if I seem autistic. I see nothing wrong with that.