Aspies are big children on an emotional level?

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slw1990
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25 Jul 2014, 10:41 pm

I'm immature in some ways. I've been told that I'm very soft spoken so that probably makes me seem younger than I really am because others perceive that I'm really shy. I think I might seem even more shy than I really am because one of the reasons I talk like that is because I'm tired, not because I'm shy . I'm pretty clumsy too so that probably makes me look even younger. I also have trouble asserting myself like an adult should because I don't always know what to say right at the moment because it all happens too fast for me to find the words or take any action. It's so much easier to assert myself when I'm in a situation where I'm able to think about what I will say ahead of time. I can't adapt very well either. I'm also overly sensitive, but I don't think I'm as bad as I use to be.

I'm mature in other ways though because I'm usually very disciplined when it comes to getting work done. I'm also not as naive as I use to be because I try to be extremely careful with what I disclose to others and I try to keep my distance from most people. Even if I want to open up to someone I usually try to resist it because they might not be as nice as they seem.



Norny
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26 Jul 2014, 1:31 am

I've read in random places that this is true, but I've personally known many NTs that would be considered emotionally immature (could be personality disorders etc however).


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Bustduster
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26 Jul 2014, 4:25 am

By the time you get to my age (43) being perceived as looking or acting younger than you are is no bad thing, anyway - but whilst I don't consider myself an overgrown child I probably do have a mental age somewhere around the 30-35 bracket. I'm happy with that.

On the other hand, when I was at college I was accused of being too old for my age and even a bit of a fuddy-duddy, largely because tended to fancy women my own age or slightly older rather than being a sophomore chasing after freshers like most of my male friends were, so again it all comes down to how we measure maturity.



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29 Jul 2014, 11:02 pm

I consider myself very immature. I collect little blinky toys and still like Tweety bird. I still go into the toy isle and get jealous of all the toys the kids get to play with these days. I have been known on occasion to buy children's night vision goggles or walkie talkies. I work part time at Walmart and really like allot of the toys I see. One time a lady was buying a blinky toy with no tag on it and I said that is $1.00, I just love theses things and could play with it for hours. She said, it's not for me I'm buying for my infant daughter who will be turn 12 months soon. I told her she should get one for her self as well because they are allot of fun. I'm not sure what she was thinking at this point but my mother told me she probably thought I was weird. I have and overall IQ of 130 but my emotional IQ is more like a child's. I do not think it is a bad thing. I see nothing wrong with enjoying toys. Who said they are just for kids?


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Deb1970
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29 Jul 2014, 11:13 pm

I also fight going to sleep. I have to wake up at 6am. But I'm still awake fighting going to sleep. I know if I do not go to bed soon it will have a bad effect on my day tomorrow but I still fight it. There are many nights I have had to take a large amount of melatonin in order to make myself go to bed.


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andrethemoogle
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30 Jul 2014, 1:40 am

On an emotional level, yes. I tend to get upset very easily, I don't get other people's body language and emotions (given up at this point in my life), I tend to cry a lot and hand flap when I'm extremely upset.

My IQ on the other hand is high (I took a test years ago, pretty much got good scores in everything except math) and I can figure out basically any tech gadget.



RetroGamer87
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31 Jul 2014, 1:21 am

Deb1970 wrote:
I see nothing wrong with enjoying toys. Who said they are just for kids?

That's it. Every surface of my house is covered in Lego. Most people who see it think its cool. Only a few have said it was immature.



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31 Jul 2014, 1:45 am

I have a childlike degree of curiosity, but an adult's methods of approaching it. I also have the observational skills of a child, and I tend to call things as I see them (if I choose to say something at all).

I also tend to cling to some people emotionally the same way a child would, but that might just be a bond forming thing that other folks my age have trouble with.


Other than that, I wouldn't really consider myself childlike. I have almost excessive self control, I'm stupidly polite, I dress for business when I can (though the dress depends on the business - I don't dress for play). My apartment is basically bare, aside from a couple guitars, some furniture, and basic appliances. Computer has a few games on it, but not much besides that - though I do spend a lot of time chatting on IRC, Skype, etc. with friends. I know what I want, when I want it, and why I want it, and I can control that want and the associated emotions.



naturalplastic
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31 Jul 2014, 11:53 am

I am NOT emotionally immature!

And I'm telling my Mommy...I mean...the moderators-on you for saying that I am!



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31 Jul 2014, 12:20 pm

slw1990 wrote:
I'm immature in some ways. I've been told that I'm very soft spoken so that probably makes me seem younger than I really am because others perceive that I'm really shy. I think I might seem even more shy than I really am because one of the reasons I talk like that is because I'm tired, not because I'm shy . I'm pretty clumsy too so that probably makes me look even younger. I also have trouble asserting myself like an adult should because I don't always know what to say right at the moment because it all happens too fast for me to find the words or take any action. It's so much easier to assert myself when I'm in a situation where I'm able to think about what I will say ahead of time. I can't adapt very well either. I'm also overly sensitive, but I don't think I'm as bad as I use to be.

I'm mature in other ways though....
I am just like this. My maturity is different from yours though. I am not very disciplined!


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31 Jul 2014, 12:26 pm

Deb1970 wrote:
I consider myself very immature. I collect little blinky toys and still like Tweety bird. I still go into the toy isle and get jealous of all the toys the kids get to play with these days. I have been known on occasion to buy children's night vision goggles or walkie talkies. I work part time at Walmart and really like allot of the toys I see. One time a lady was buying a blinky toy with no tag on it and I said that is $1.00, I just love theses things and could play with it for hours. She said, it's not for me I'm buying for my infant daughter who will be turn 12 months soon. I told her she should get one for her self as well because they are allot of fun. I'm not sure what she was thinking at this point but my mother told me she probably thought I was weird. I have and overall IQ of 130 but my emotional IQ is more like a child's. I do not think it is a bad thing. I see nothing wrong with enjoying toys. Who said they are just for kids?
I agree. I would have bought one for myself. In fact I have two blinky toys. My IQ is also around 130 but I have only taken free online IQ tests so they might not be accurate. But I don't think the lady would have thought you were weird. I would not have thought that. She might have thought it was cute that you would tell her to buy one for herself. As far as I am concerned, the only reason to put age limits on toys would be for safety. But even if you are 110 years old, if an infant toy or a dog or cat toy makes you happy then you should be able to play with it.


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31 Jul 2014, 12:29 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Deb1970 wrote:
I see nothing wrong with enjoying toys. Who said they are just for kids?

That's it. Every surface of my house is covered in Lego. Most people who see it think its cool. Only a few have said it was immature.
Every surface? Wow, that is really impressive. My husband made a lego case for his phone. I think you would like that. :D


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31 Jul 2014, 12:31 pm

Azereiah wrote:

I also tend to cling to some people emotionally the same way a child would,
I do this. I think there are a number of us here who do it as well. I remember from an old thread about it.


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freddie_mercury
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31 Jul 2014, 1:10 pm

I don't think thick skin is actually something that exists. People just learn how not to react on the spot - and then just blow up somewhere else; either in a healthy way (working out, etc) or an unhealthy way (drinking, etc).

I do find that I have a tendency to lose it when too much is put on me that I didn't expect. And I have to shut the door to my office and kick the walls. When I am at home, I will sometimes just leave the house and walk for about 10 minutes or so. Sometimes mid-conversation. But that is so I don't blow up at home - where my kids could see it.

Are aspies emotionally children? I don't think so - but from what I have read, we tend to fall a few years behind our peers in emotional maturity. And I see that in my son (who is also on the spectrum).

But regardless if someone is on the spectrum or not, I think that emotional control can be taught/learned to a large degree. There are all sorts of people in this world...some with really bad tempers, and some so low-key that you aren't even sure they are awake.



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31 Jul 2014, 2:32 pm

I think it's more than just emotional control though. I know for me it is anyway. Speaking of myself, I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that there are certain things that I actually do process on the emotional level of a small child. There are certain emotional things and emotional relationships that are on that level for me. It's not that I am out of control emotionally. Even small children are not always out of control emotionally, and even when I was a child I was very rarely out of control emotionally. But I actually feel certain feelings on the level of a 5 to 12 year old sometimes.

I remember sharing an experience with a friend of mine about something that had scared me and how I had reacted to it. I was not "out of control" at all, in fact no one even really noticed that I had been afraid. I had gotten physically ill though and they noticed that but they just thought it was a reaction to something I had eaten. But when I told the entire story to my friend who had not been there, he told me that the way I responded to what I had been afraid of is exactly the response he would have expected from a ten to twelve year old little girl. And it's not always fear that I can process at a very young age, but other feelings as well.

I remember going on a horse trail ride once and I was so excited about being on the particular horse that I was on. But I was processing it and expressing it like a little kid. Well the girl who was helping people get on the horses and showing us how to use the reins had no idea that I am very familiar and experienced with horses and that I had ridden a good bit before. So she told me to calm down because she thought I was too excited. She got the surprise of her life when I ended up riding better than she did.

But I experience and express a lot of emotions like a little kid, not all the time and not all of them but a lot of them. Every now and then I can get out of control with them but that is pretty rare. I might express them in a way that is much more or considered much more sensitive than a neurotypical way but no one is ever in any danger around me and it is extremely rare that I actually ever get destructive.


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Ectryon
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31 Jul 2014, 4:46 pm

For me and i'd hazard alot of aspies the big kid syndrome really comes into effect as we reach our 20's. Im still pretty young emotionally if im brutally honest, whereas my peers are marrying and thinking of starting families. The idea of marrying and starting a family is totally totally alien to me. I have absolutely no idea where to even begin thinking about that kind of responsibility. I approach that with the same kind of fear with which i'd approach becoming king or given the task of saving a dying man.

In other way im more mature than my peers however as I am not as reactionary and try to process things more deliberately and objectively. Cold comfort though when you feel like a big kid.


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