Why women lose the dating game
Yep. Are you likely to go from homeless to rich? No. Is the mentality necessary to getting securely housed? Yes.
Radical insecurity is a massively damaging thing, not just for you but for whoever is in your life. I recently had a conversation with the ex-bf -- first one in about a month -- that, for me, put a cap on the whole thing. He called me up all excited because he got a "real job". Enormous relief, etc. And I'm glad for him, that's great. What's not great was that he treated me like s**t for a year before he got the real job because he felt so horrible about himself that he couldn't stand to be talking to someone who was actually making things happen. And I make a lot happen -- I'm unusually capable, talented, energetic. I mean he did the whole classic thing -- spiky little nastinesses, morose silence during which he insisted I stay in contact and talk, chronic negging and tearing-down of what I do, explosions about how demanding I was being (by accommodating all his nonsense), fits if I called him on how he was treating me, lying, evasions, all kinds of crap.
I'm not interested in talking to someone who's decent to others only when some stranger's given him a job with a title. Totally not interested in talking to someone who's in a constant state of panic over who's better, whether he measures up. I am not a yardstick. And my friendships do not rely on my friends' bosses' continuing willingness to cut them checks. If the ex-bf comes back wanting to talk again, I will have to tell him these things, and tell him also to please come back when he is secure in himself to the point that his looks, employment status, etc. have nothing to do with how he treats other people, and it's not a constant competition. To where he can just be himself, someone I believe is an interesting and worthwhile person to know. But that until then I'm off the rollercoaster, bye.
You need to know and be confident in who you are, and your self-worth, regardless of what kind of job you currently have, what strangers on the internet think of you, what kind of house your brother has, etc. You need to be willing to look ahead more than a month and think about what you're going to do with that valuable thing, your life. And then get up off your arse and try to make it happen. My guess is that the vast majority of people who don't do this have trouble with the very first part: not knowing who they are.
That's fine with me. Again, I can't speak for what women want, but I meant "plan" in a more general sense than career or money. (Though the example I gave involved money, so that might have helped to mislead people.) If someone's plan is to write music or to become good at gymnastics or, hell, even to become the best at Tetris - I respect that. If their daily life is a struggle because of some serious problem and their plan (for now) is just to fix that problem - I respect that, too. Even if their plan is to keep living life exactly as they're doing that might be OK, if they already have the life they want - this is still different to not having a plan.
Also, I think there's a difference between having a plan and being able to "sell" it to others, ie. talk about it in a way that sounds impressive. That's a separate skill.
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Oh great thanks RICKY5. Gene Simmons freaks me out and so do clowns. Worst image ever to see before bed time. Nightmares for me tonight...
I totally agree with that.
It's not like men win the dating game either. I've lost enough in my time and I'm nowhere close to breaking even. Hell I'd settle just to win once and cut my losses.
_________________
The rain came pourin' down, and when I drowned,
was when I could finally breathe,
and by mornin', gone was any trace of you,
now I think I am finally clean. #Dat Angst
It may not be about winning and losing but I've definitely lost at it. I don't think I can ponder popping Ambien, reading a Sylvia Plath book and taking a bath with my toaster without having lost as dating.
_________________
The rain came pourin' down, and when I drowned,
was when I could finally breathe,
and by mornin', gone was any trace of you,
now I think I am finally clean. #Dat Angst
maybe we need to use other fun ways of dealing with going out with a person. instead of thinking, of ways dating works. how to apply steps to making a good night out count.
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In order to be free, you must take your chances of letting your tortured self to be forgiven.
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