Yep. Are you likely to go from homeless to rich? No. Is the mentality necessary to getting securely housed? Yes.
Radical insecurity is a massively damaging thing, not just for you but for whoever is in your life. I recently had a conversation with the ex-bf -- first one in about a month -- that, for me, put a cap on the whole thing. He called me up all excited because he got a "real job". Enormous relief, etc. And I'm glad for him, that's great. What's not great was that he treated me like s**t for a year before he got the real job because he felt so horrible about himself that he couldn't stand to be talking to someone who was actually making things happen. And I make a lot happen -- I'm unusually capable, talented, energetic. I mean he did the whole classic thing -- spiky little nastinesses, morose silence during which he insisted I stay in contact and talk, chronic negging and tearing-down of what I do, explosions about how demanding I was being (by accommodating all his nonsense), fits if I called him on how he was treating me, lying, evasions, all kinds of crap.
I'm not interested in talking to someone who's decent to others only when some stranger's given him a job with a title. Totally not interested in talking to someone who's in a constant state of panic over who's better, whether he measures up. I am not a yardstick. And my friendships do not rely on my friends' bosses' continuing willingness to cut them checks. If the ex-bf comes back wanting to talk again, I will have to tell him these things, and tell him also to please come back when he is secure in himself to the point that his looks, employment status, etc. have nothing to do with how he treats other people, and it's not a constant competition. To where he can just be himself, someone I believe is an interesting and worthwhile person to know. But that until then I'm off the rollercoaster, bye.
You need to know and be confident in who you are, and your self-worth, regardless of what kind of job you currently have, what strangers on the internet think of you, what kind of house your brother has, etc. You need to be willing to look ahead more than a month and think about what you're going to do with that valuable thing, your life. And then get up off your arse and try to make it happen. My guess is that the vast majority of people who don't do this have trouble with the very first part: not knowing who they are.
31 Aug 2014, 12:13 am
