I'm homeless, I don't know what to do

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BirdInFlight
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01 Sep 2014, 5:48 am

I totally understand your not wanting to go back and be around them. If I were in this situation, really I wouldn't want to either. I'm thinking their driveway was at least the safest place for you in practical terms, but I agree with you it would suck to have to even deal with them anymore. I don't like how they have treated you, and I don't like how they don't even seem willing to learn about autism and how and why it factors into who you are and should alter their approach accordingly -- but it doesn't, in their case.

Try to do the other plan of sleeping in your car in places that are safe to park in overnight. Try to look up shelters and see if they can give you accomodation. Just hang onto that job of yours, keep up your car payments, and hang onto your car so that this family trauma doesn't have to make you lose absolutely everything you had. You can get through this, hang in there.

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kraftiekortie
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01 Sep 2014, 7:34 am

Happy 19th Birthday!

How's everything going?

I know what you mean. I went through similar when I was your age. People are strange sometimes.

Have you spoken to your grandma yet? Maybe she could act as intermediary between you and grandpa.

I hope you could get back living there till you pay for the car. I do understand your feelings. I had them too. People of your grandparent's generation don't usually understand autism.

I wish you could make a deal with your grandparents: no physical violence for all from now on.

Maybe you could offer to pay for some groceries. For a rational person, that would indicate maturity.

Again, I could understand your anger....but you have to think clearly, too. Get the car paid off....then split from your grandparents.



KB8CWB
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01 Sep 2014, 9:39 pm

If it were me I would go to walmart and buy an inexpensive tent and a sleeping bag. Doesn't need to be fancy. I don't know if you have ever camped, but it is what I would do. Generally tent camping is pretty inexpensive. I found one campground near Twin Falls on 30. Generally they are safe and you can setup your tent and leave your gear. They mentioned weekly and monthly rates as well. Note that sometimes you can negotiate a bit if you stay for a week or month and pay up front. They have wifi, bath house, all the amenities. Here is their url has phone number, etc.

Campground

I have been in a similar situation years back and I did rather well. It is still summer and is actually a pretty comfortable time of year to camp. Usually far cheaper then a hotel/motel and they usually have grills you can use, water, electric, bath house, etc. I don't think much of the situation your grandparents left you in and in your shoes I sure as hell wouldn't go back. If you want to apologize at some point I'd wait till they cool down. Sometimes a letter works better because they have to read it. No shouting match involved and then they have to think about it. In person could become nasty again. Just a suggestion, I don't believe in burning bridges and explaining and apologizing for your end of it never hurts. They may not ever apologize, but at least you haven't lowered yourself to their level.



886
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02 Sep 2014, 12:10 am

They sound old-fashioned and have zero understanding of your disability. You really do have to have thick skin and patience when dealing with the old fashioned types. Are you able to sign a lease on an apartment, do you have options to pay rent on your own or anything?


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L_Holmes
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02 Sep 2014, 2:55 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Happy 19th Birthday!


Thanks :)

I have spoken to my grandma a bit. The first couple nights after I left, while the rest of the family was still there, she offered to let me sleep on an air matress in the living room. I declined (which I feel a little bad for). But I mean, for one thing two people there threatened to hurt me, and although my grandpa may have just been trying to intimidate me and might not have had any real intention of doing that to me, my uncle seemed pretty serious; I was about ready to attack them myself, luckily I didn't, but if I had I'm almost certain they would have purposefully injured me. So it is really hard to want to go back.

To go back I'd have to admit I was totally in the wrong and basically the sole cause of what happened, and I don't believe that is true and I won't lie about it. My grandma has offered to wash my clothes and let me come over for the first 2 nights for dinner, so I have been there for that (and I thanked her for it), but that's it. I think I was allowed to come for dinner because the family was there and she didn't want me to feel like I'm not even allowed at a family gathering. Today she just told me to come over so I could get some of my stuff and a birthday card from her.

At this point I don't think my grandpa will try to hurt me, considering what happened and how I responded to the threat of violence. But for me it just feels like the decision was already made to kick me out, and why would I want to be somewhere that I am not wanted, where I am seen as a burden? I admit, it probably is tough having someone like me around, I am probably annoying sometimes and I am terrible at following instructions. I mess things up a lot. When I was 15 my dad got deployed, and my parents decided that I needed to live at another family's house (they were from our church) for the sake of my stepmother's sanity. They didn't say it like this, but basically they thought I was too stressful for my stepmom and thought I should go there, even though she had 5 little kids to deal with. I was a bit hurt but I accepted it without argument, because I thought maybe I would have a better time there anyway. But while I was there (for only a month) I broke multiple things including their pool filter (I was trying to clean the pool for them like they instructed and was trying very hard to follow instructions) and I got yelled at by the dad for that.

Apparently I would respond with, "What?" a lot because I was either thinking about something else when they said something and so didn't process it, or I legitimately did not understand them while attempting to listen. I didn't realize how much I did it until the mom yelled at me for it, claiming she knew I heard what she said. I was silent afterwards, kind of shocked, because I honestly didn't understand her and didn't realize how much I apparently was annoying her until then, so I didn't know what to say.

Anyway, if I'm that annoying to them for only a month then I can't even imagine what it's like for family. But at the same time, they have a problem because the assume they know my reasons (or lack thereof) for doing certain things; they won't accept that these annoying behaviors are anything but intentional. So I always feel stuck when I'm with them, because I know I can't be the way they want, but I also know they don't believe me about it, and I have to just pretend and hide. They have straight up called me a liar many times in the past. I know what they really think of me now, so why would I want to be around them if that's what they think?

I honestly do feel better being on my own, even if it means sleeping in my car, or in a tent, or at a shelter. Even if they asked me to come back and said they were sorry (which definitely won't happen) I wouldn't go back. They don't like me. I'm not saying I think they hate me, but I can tell they don't like me very much, so I don't want to be there.

My plan is to pay for the car (to fully pay it off will take about 2 months), then put in my two-week-notice at work and drive to my sister's. As far as a place to stay right now, my car has been ok so far, but tomorrow I am going to look for a place, there's a shelter I know of and I will probably take a look at the campground that KB8CWB provided info for (thank you for that by the way). I would obviously prefer a lease on an apartment but I simply can't afford it right now with the car payments. My mom offered to fly out here and go the whole drive with me back to Ohio, which is about 2000 miles. My sister's boyfriend said he can get me a dishwashing job at the restaurant where he works when I get there, and then I can share rent with my sister. My brother is there too, he's 17, we could even all get a place together (he lives at home but my stepdad just seems to get meaner every day, so he expressed interest in leaving). I think I would do a lot better there.



L_Holmes
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02 Sep 2014, 3:01 am

[duplicate]



EzraS
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02 Sep 2014, 3:53 am

I feel like if someone takes someone else in with autism they are obligated to work with it. People with sense get my attention first before telling me stuff. Sometimes that have to say my name several times to get my attention. But that's what they have to do if they want me to get what they are about to tell me. Your grandparents failed miserably far as i can tell. I hope so much you will be able get through the 2 months to get into a better situation.



Amity
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02 Sep 2014, 4:39 am

Do what is right for you, when it becomes clear that no one else will/can meet your specific needs you have to meet them yourself. Your situation is tough, it is a lot for a 19 yr old to deal with, and I admire your courage. Camping does seem like a good option until you clear your car loan. Its positive that you have an understanding sister and that your mum is willing to help you move. Take care of yourself and Belated Happy Birthday btw.



progaspie
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02 Sep 2014, 6:13 am

Thanks for your updating your situation with us. For what it's worth I think you're doing the right thing going to live with your sister. It's good that she can arrange a job for you. I hope you don't break contact with grandma though. It's easy for us to judge your grandparent's behaviour harshly, but I think grandma tried her hardest to accommodate you living in her house. I think she really loves you so I don't think it would hurt that you text or email her when you get to your sister's place.



nikkiDT
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02 Sep 2014, 7:13 am

I'm sorry for everything you're going through. I hope it all works out for you.



mattschwartz01
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02 Sep 2014, 7:29 am

nikkiDT wrote:
I'm sorry for everything you're going through. I hope it all works out for you.


I feel for you as well but you do have options. I particularly like the camping suggestion because it most likely is safer and you get some privacy and independence. The only issue will be winter time but at least you will have some time to sort out your options. You did right by reaching out for help.



kraftiekortie
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02 Sep 2014, 8:51 am

It sounds like you're doing okay for now.

The dishwashing job sounds promising

And there are people who are willing to go to bat for you.

I'm glad you're in a better state of mind now.



babyheart
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02 Sep 2014, 9:55 am

Wow this must be really hard on you! But although I don't know you, I feel you're a strong person and will come out stronger for it. One day you'll look back and be proud of yourself : )