Unsupportive and ignorant Employer

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So I finally found a way to tell my employer about my (As Yet Undiagnosed) aspergers. admittedly it kind of formed in the way of a meltdown, but I sat down with him and the co-manager to discuss it.

I had spent the last 3 months trying to act NT, and it kinda broke down in a bad way, and now they want me to carry it on or I can't work there! Anyone have some advice or experience on this matter?

What do you mean by carry it on?

I mean that despite telling them how mentally exhaustive and upsetting it is on my part, they say that if I want to work there, I have to strain my voice to a cheerier tone, pretend that I give a damn about what a customer is chattering about. I can serve customers fine, but I'm not going to be something I'm not

It sounds like you're in a strictly customer service-based job, and if you are, then I don't mean to be rude, but you're not good at that, and don't belong there.

I'm a "people-person" (not very Aspie, I know), and I LOVE waitressing, so that's what I like to do----but, if you don't like customer service, then you shouldn't make yourself "sick", just to be working.

I agree with the above. Customer service is all about deceit and salesmanship. I did it for years, but can't keep it up anymore. I think you should look for more suitable work. (Not that there is much, at least for me.). It is sad that we need to encorporate false sentiment into our daily lives in this way. I think it is culturally destructive, but we are a commercial society.

Find a noncustomer service oriented job. Your bosses aren't really in the wrong here, it's just the nature of the beast.

OP I have to agree with other people here a job dealing with customers is not really for people on the spectrum.

You can not blame your employer here either is like getting a blind person to look at paintings or a deaf person to work at a call centre.

Last edited by sharkattack on 24 Sep 2014, 6:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think an Autism Spectrum Disorder needs to be approached form the angle of, "things I cannot do. I don't agree with those who would completely rule out the idea that someone on the Spectrum can work in customer service. I have worked in healthcare with direct patient contact for the past 32 years. In the earlier years in the field I really did have some problems. But I have managed to deal with them and also find a work environment that was less stressful. The question for you is that can you do this in your current place of employment? Under U.S. law their is the requirement that employers make "reasonable accommodation." Is that possible in your specific situation? Customers including those of us on the Spectrum do expect friendly and helpful service. If this is something you can do and you only need a few minor adjustments to your work environment - then perhaps you can propose to your employer what those minor adjustments might be. If you really cannot perform friendly and helpful service - and only you can determine that for yourself - then perhaps you do need to find another line of work. " But first try to establish what can make it possible for you to perform friendly and helpful service?

^ yes.

If you want to achieve change in your work place, you will have to approach it in a constructive way. It may, however, be too late for that. Sometimes these unhappy crisis points do eventually turn out to be "blessings in disguise", so try not to be too downhearted about it. I hope that the future will be much better for you.

I agree with this post.

Autistic people can work with the public - or rather, not all autistic people are unable to work with the public. If you can, then great. If not, then... not great?

UK law has similar provisions regarding reasonable accommodations. It doesn't sound like they'd apply in this case. However, maybe you could look into switching roles? I don't know enough about your situation to comment.

What did you expect your boss to do when you said you weren't able to pretend to care about customers?

Yes than can but at what price?
There always are exceptions. A very small quiet location with minimal interaction. A situation where you and the customers both share a passion for the product could be a dream job. But that is what they are exceptions.

I have seen lots of people out there - presumably NTs - working in customer service jobs and food service jobs who can't be bothered to crack a smile or act cheerful with customers. They range from looking bored and apathetic, to being downright surly. But as long as they are basically polite, and they do their job right, I really don't care if they put on the happy perky and cheerful act. In fact I prefer it if they don't try to chat with me, and just do their job. I know that's just me, and some customers (or employers) expect a lot more. But generally speaking, as long as you can do the job, it shouldn't matter. It just depends on what kind of place it is. If they are really pushing you to change your personality, maybe it's not the right company for you to work for. But that doesn't mean you can't do a customer service job at all.

Thanks for all the great advice you guys have given! After many days of thinking aloud, I've taken the step of leaving there and looking for work in an environment I'm more comfortable in. I did ask them if it was possible to undertake less socially involved tasks, but that was a no-go.

Good for you. Hope you flourish and all the best to you with your new plan.

You have done a brave thing leaving but you have done the right thing.

Finding a job that you can fit in with may take some time but the fact you are aware of the problem at your young age gives you a big advantage over many of us here.

I think you can hold your head high.

One more tip when looking for a new job don't say you have bad social skills however look for a job that does not really need them and sell your other strengths.

Quite frankly you do not have any legal rights in this situation to fall back on. You are not officially diagnosed and merely 'suspected' of having autism, which to an employer may not be very convincing evidence as to him, it's basically just an opinion.

As for you acting NT, why is this? If you have unusual movements or other issues that might scare customers or co-workers, this is a something you should not be doing or it may be detrimental to your ability to function in your specific line of work. On the other hand you also don't have an obligation to be super social or friendly with your co-workers; simply being cordial and formal would suffice. You should try and find a way to balance the two 'you's', the professional "NT" you and the original you. Balance them in such a way that you can continue to function in your job, while making it easier for you to function.

As unfair is it may look to you, your employer cannot allow everyone to be 100% themselves all the time if an employee being themselves means they cannot function the way they are supposed to. Your employer is under no obligation to employ people who do not fit the requirements of their function, harsh as this may be. Sometimes you have to adapt even if it is hard for you. If it is too hard, it may not be the place for you.