how do i get people to stop thinking im being condescending?

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dianthus
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30 Sep 2014, 10:13 am

carpenter_bee wrote:
I wound up leaving that job because my co-workers and my manager wanted me to "play the game" which means coming to work but not actually doing any work. I was supposed to show up and then immediately NOT WORK, but rather stand around chatting to people and then occasionally PRETEND to work. Because that's what everyone else does, and if you don't, then they take offense and think "oh she thinks she's BETTER than us."


Yep. I have been in that situation many times.

Also one time I had a job where I really liked my coworkers so I did want to talk to them. But they would use that against me too.

The only reason I've lasted as long as I have in my current job is because I work by myself. And still way too many games going on in this job too.



NicholasName
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30 Sep 2014, 11:47 am

Ohhhhh boy, I sense a lot of eventual burnout from some of the people in this thread. I hope I'm wrong.

Refraining from frequently correcting people is definitely good (but not necessarily easy...), but you do NOT have to dumb down or act fake. You are not responsible for other people's insecurities. Unfortunately, you'll have to "play the game" to a certain extent in order to keep a job, but you do not have to be a fake NT. If NTs' people-reading skills are really as good as autism researchers make them sound, they'll be able to tell if you're purposely mimicking their tones/body language/whatever and will probably think you're making fun of them.


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b9
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30 Sep 2014, 12:11 pm

NicholasName wrote:
Ohhhhh boy, I sense a lot of eventual burnout from some of the people in this thread. I hope I'm wrong.

Refraining from frequently correcting people is definitely good (but not necessarily easy...), but you do NOT have to dumb down or act fake.

one does not have to fake "dumbness" in order to relinquish themselves from the potential jealousy of others appraisals. one just has to refrain from communication, and they will give up quickly. people have short attention spans. it is easy to ....yeah i guess i said it in another thread....



ASPartOfMe
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30 Sep 2014, 5:09 pm

Usually it is not hard for me to refrain from doing this this because I am a quiet person. It is most difficult for me to hold back when somebody is incorrect on a topic I am interested in.

I do not like it when people correct me on a topic I have little interest in. Then their actions seemed condescending to me. So I guess the NT's have brainwashed me :lol:


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Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 30 Sep 2014, 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

olympiadis
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30 Sep 2014, 7:21 pm

Stoek wrote:
Whats wrong with appearing condescending.

You start acting submissive or humble, and in a week these same people will start saying you lack confidence and have no back bone.

You can never win with these sorts of people.

They always want you playing their game as a novice, as they age you will learn they like to keep moving the goal posts just to stay on top.

Granted if you truly don't respect the people around you, your gonna have serious trouble.

I treat people like tigers. I don't give a dam about their opinions or feelings. But at the end of the day anyone can rip your throat out, respect the vulnerability and power of all peoples.



+1



olympiadis
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30 Sep 2014, 7:25 pm

Intentionally dumbing yourself down or hiding an attitude are both deceptive in principle, which makes them not feel right.