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1544c
Butterfly
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Joined: 17 Oct 2014
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18 Oct 2014, 8:11 pm

Hey everyone,
I would like to know if there's a way I could start feeling an interest in socializing with literally anyone around me(classmates, coworkers, family--I like to talk to my mom and sister, but not the rest of my family--, etc.), because I don't have so much time for myself anymore.
I have a job and I go to school, so I only have 2 hours for myself when I go back home before I go to sleep and repeat everything. I feel like I have to find a reason to feel interest and I can't fake interest for the rest of my life because I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of not feeling pleasure when I talk to anyone except for my best friends, which I only have 10.
I'm tired of the fact that something as simple as talking is a chore and requires a lot of effort.
I don't want to be afraid every single day of my life just because I go out.
I know how to have a conversation with people, I know why conversations could be one of the best things ever, I know why is extremely necessary to make relationships with people, but I fail to feel any motivation to even have a chitchat because It's always painful and then I always regret it in the middle of it.
What is that important piece I'm missing that apparently every "normal person" has?
What should I do to start feeling more pleasure when having a conversation?
Where should I begin? Of course I'm not looking for something that will fix me in a single day, but I would even like to make a tiny progress.

I'm totally missing a lot of other stuff to put in this post because I don't know where should I start exactly, so feel free to ask and I'll try my best to fill every gap.



unit_00
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 21 Apr 2014
Age: 31
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21 Oct 2014, 4:14 pm

10 best friends!?

anyway, you said you only get 2 hours for yourself, so you don't have enough time to recharge maybe? which probably makes it harder in the long run? you must work a lot or go to school a lot, two hours to yourself is not very many at all.

do you have any special interests? maybe if you find something you like to do, then you could find people who also like that thing and conversation might be easier. i'm not sure, i dont have any friends myself :P sorry i'm no help, but i do understand where you're coming from. it's a thing i think about a lot.

when do you get to see your best friends? maybe you could hang out with them more, if you like talking to them.



kraftiekortie
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22 Oct 2014, 8:03 am

Above all....don't force it! I used to try to "force it." It did me no good.

What, indeed, are your "special interests?" One of mine is Neanderthal Man. Another is the weather. Especially extreme weather.

I think you're doing okay if you're working and going to school.

What are you taking up in school?



1544c
Butterfly
Butterfly

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Joined: 17 Oct 2014
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Posts: 17

26 Oct 2014, 7:37 pm

I'm taking Computer engineering.
Maybe not all of them are my best friends, but I'm sure I can talk to them with almost no effort and feel relaxed. I should also mention that I actually have sundays to recharge myself, but it's already Monday before I think about it.

My current interests, or rather obsessions:
-Watch animations and gaming shows on YouTube.
-Play Stepmania (Dance Dance Revolution), Final Fantasy, Smash Bros and Mario Kart.
-Watch anime.
-Listen to new remixes of some games.
-Read comics from some websites and see drawings(Tumblr and DeviantArt included).

Mostly a gamer, I'd rather play than talk.
What I'm not sure is why I feel is a waste of time to hang out with my friends and I'd rather stay at home doing what I want. That's the weird thing, if one of my friends or I start a conversation, of course I could maintain the conversation for a while, but suddenly I feel like I want to do something else.
Maybe is an introvert thing, but boy, I've been feeling like a broken battery that can only charge up to 1%. I can't do it for a long time like I used to.



unit_00
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 21 Apr 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 160

27 Oct 2014, 10:02 pm

ah we have similar interests. that's good that you have sunday to recharge, but i know for myself one day is not enough. it might be for you though.

you said you like to play rather than talk, do you ever play games with your friends instead of talking? i had a friend once where i would go to her house and instead of pressuring me into conversations all the time she would be okay with us just playing games together or surfing the web in the same room. although in the end even that i was not enjoying so much

it sounds like this problem is maybe just introversion plus having AS? i wonder if there is anything you can do about it. since it is bothering you i hope you can find some sort of solution. also i think kraftiekortie's advice was very solid, not forcing it. if you are not enjoying it, you are not enjoying it. maybe just have to accept that it will be less enjoyable/different for you than for NTs.



1544c
Butterfly
Butterfly

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Joined: 17 Oct 2014
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28 Oct 2014, 10:24 pm

Yes, I used to play with my friends when I was in high school, now I can't remember the last time we did.
Nowadays, I play when I don't have anything to do at school, on weekends I just surf the web all day long and maybe play online games.
I really like playing online because it's faster to start playing and I get random people to play with. Always something new, even if it's just a tiny detail, but yeah, I've been thinking about going to one my friends house to play like we used to.
I actually made that solid agreement with myself of not forcing it, and by solid I mean solid, like a contract, and I'm kind of regretting that now because I actually need to force it if I want to get a good job and stop struggling with life. It's hard, but I have to keep trying.



zer0netgain
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29 Oct 2014, 3:50 am

My best advice is this....

A good listener learns to appreciate other people for the opportunity to learn something new.

Perhaps the best strategy is to go into a social setting intent on seeing if you can learn something new from what others have to share. After all, most people love to talk about themselves, and if you can appear to show an interest in what they have to say, they tend to appreciate it.

You don't have to really take an interest in the topic. Think of it as investing time to see if they tell you something worth retaining. If you don't want to be pinned down for a long time, do the setting in such a way as they know you can't stay too long.