22 still living at home.....low self esteem

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MatchingBlues
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01 Nov 2014, 7:20 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
These days, it's not embarrassing for a person in his/her early 20's to still be living with their parents.


I'm 23 and do not live with my parents and I am questioned about it frequently. It's a judgmental type of questioning, like "What did you do for them to not support you?"

All I can say is since I was 13, my father told me I start paying him rent on my 18th birthday or I move the hell out. Why this practice is alien to people, I don't know.



funeralxempire
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01 Nov 2014, 7:31 pm

MatchingBlues wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
These days, it's not embarrassing for a person in his/her early 20's to still be living with their parents.


I'm 23 and do not live with my parents and I am questioned about it frequently. It's a judgmental type of questioning, like "What did you do for them to not support you?"

All I can say is since I was 13, my father told me I start paying him rent on my 18th birthday or I move the hell out. Why this practice is alien to people, I don't know.


Many parents wish to do everything they can to give their children every possible benefit they can provide. Not all, but many.


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Jacoby
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01 Nov 2014, 10:07 pm

Its more and more common it seems, I've lost contact with most of my peers from school but as a couple years ago not many of them were doing much better than me. Maybe that say's something about where I come from I guess. I live on my own now but my parents pay my rent so it's not like I'm a real adult... :( I'm hoping that will change one way or another in the next year or two tho.



FautheralLoather
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02 Nov 2014, 9:35 am

I kinda know the feeling. I am also 22 and been bunking with a mate who is also autistic but all I do is bound around and not do much, never botherd with getting a job since I was too angry at the world and did not have the self esteem. I had generally tried to help myself but people just wind up making me angry by simply abusing me and I recluse back into my ball of shame.

People say when you focus on your past and emotions so well, it cripples you. I think that may of been my problem. I probably simply would of gotten an ok job by then but never bothered to.

It's just a s**t cycle I am in really.

Looking at this makes me feel more of a faliure that I am now :/



vickygleitz
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03 Nov 2014, 1:52 am

YYoung people seem to be living with their folks until mid to late twenties, often older. Gives them time to really grow their bank account, learn skills for later in life. Just make sure you are really helping out at home. I mean REALLY helping out. For example,if both of your folks are working full-time and you are working part time or less, you should be able to get the house tidied and have a nice dinner ready when they get home. [parents need their loads lightened as much as anyone else]

Most people will not be turned off by a guy who is still living with his folks because he is saving money for his future and is trulyy helping his family out.



anthropic_principle
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03 Nov 2014, 1:56 am

don't worry about it do things at your own pace and don't let stigmas get to you



Lonehiker
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03 Nov 2014, 11:55 am

In today's society it is pretty common to live at home in your 20's especially if you live in a city and cant afford anywhere local. I am 27 still living at home. I have two older brothers who don't have asd and they left home at 27 and 29. I've also only just started my driving lessons.



WantToHaveALife
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10 Nov 2014, 2:34 pm

i'm almost 27 and I still live with my parents, only have a high school diploma, that's the highest level of education I've completed, working a minimum-wage job, going to community college part-time but to be honest never wanted to go back but was under pressure from an outreach program my parents are paying for, but other issues are making it very difficult for me to focus on getting my life together and becoming financially stable.



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10 Nov 2014, 3:32 pm

AmieLynn wrote:
Hello...I am 22 and still live at home. It is hard because most of my childhood friends are grown and married now and some even have kids. I feel stuck...I don't have a good job at the moment and I don't have a car either. I also only have my learners permit but am hoping to get my liscence soon.

Anyone else relate?


40 still living at home still on a learners permit and I work a manual warehouse job.



WantToHaveALife
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10 Nov 2014, 3:35 pm

I hate how it has to look worse in guys than it does in girls if a person is past a certain age and lives with their parents, not independent



funeralxempire
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10 Nov 2014, 3:46 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
I hate how it has to look worse in guys than it does in girls if a person is past a certain age and lives with their parents, not independent


I'm not sure that's the case. Both genders are judged on that basis and it doesn't seem men are judged more harshly than women are. Men might be expected to 'desire independence' more strongly, but women are typically expected to be mature earlier as well as to have a better grasp on many of the little things involved with running a household.

Either gender will be judged, but they'll be judged based on different elements of the situation.


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戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


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10 Nov 2014, 3:56 pm

I'll always be living with ma. 33 now.

On disability.

No driver's license (too much effort).

I'm happy.



WantToHaveALife
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10 Nov 2014, 4:03 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I hate how it has to look worse in guys than it does in girls if a person is past a certain age and lives with their parents, not independent


I'm not sure that's the case. Both genders are judged on that basis and it doesn't seem men are judged more harshly than women are. Men might be expected to 'desire independence' more strongly, but women are typically expected to be mature earlier as well as to have a better grasp on many of the little things involved with running a household.

Either gender will be judged, but they'll be judged based on different elements of the situation.


well it's just that more women refuse to date men that live with their parents if they are past a certain age than the other way around



funeralxempire
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10 Nov 2014, 4:19 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I hate how it has to look worse in guys than it does in girls if a person is past a certain age and lives with their parents, not independent


I'm not sure that's the case. Both genders are judged on that basis and it doesn't seem men are judged more harshly than women are. Men might be expected to 'desire independence' more strongly, but women are typically expected to be mature earlier as well as to have a better grasp on many of the little things involved with running a household.

Either gender will be judged, but they'll be judged based on different elements of the situation.


well it's just that more women refuse to date men that live with their parents if they are past a certain age than the other way around


I'm not sure that's the case either, and it would be interesting to do a study to see how gender impacts social attitudes towards people remaining at home into adulthood.

Not many men are any more interested in women who live with their parents and of those who are, it's at least possible that the interest is driven by power dynamics (they see women who haven't lived independently as more controllable than those who have). Women are less likely than men to engage is that specific form of controlling behaviour so even if overall attitudes are similar, there will be more men who are willing to try to work with that situation than women.


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"If you stick a knife in my back 9 inches and pull it out 6 inches, there's no progress. If you pull it all the way out, that's not progress. The progress is healing the wound that the blow made... and they won't even admit the knife is there." Malcolm X
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


Kurushimi
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10 Nov 2014, 4:57 pm

I moved out as soon as I graduated high school. But I am an NT and I didn't get my driver's license until I was 22. I think that everyone should just take life at their own pace and not worry so much about what other people are doing. If you feel it's time for you to move out, then by all means go for it. But, if you don't then there is no need to feel down on yourself for it. I hope that things work out and I wish you the best. :)


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10 Nov 2014, 6:15 pm

The only real downside of living at home to long as I see it andv experienced. Getting to dependant on parents, not learning to be self substained. Parents getting overly protective. Thus has happened with my mom. There is any arguments and ducts lately. Thinking she can and needs to approve who I see and visit. I mean sure its in the best interest. But part of being grown up is being allowed to make mistakes and not having some one telling you what is right.now I live by myself, moved out when I was like 20 but my my mom has an apartment on the floor below me. Not optimal anymore as someone who is 31 soon I need some distance to my parents aka mom .

It doesn't matter what other people think of you living at home . You just move when you feel its right. If someone date or friend looks down on you for living at home, they aren't worth the time imo.