22 still living at home.....low self esteem

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loner1984
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10 Nov 2014, 6:15 pm

The only real downside of living at home to long as I see it andv experienced. Getting to dependant on parents, not learning to be self substained. Parents getting overly protective. Thus has happened with my mom. There is any arguments and ducts lately. Thinking she can and needs to approve who I see and visit. I mean sure its in the best interest. But part of being grown up is being allowed to make mistakes and not having some one telling you what is right.now I live by myself, moved out when I was like 20 but my my mom has an apartment on the floor below me. Not optimal anymore as someone who is 31 soon I need some distance to my parents aka mom .

It doesn't matter what other people think of you living at home . You just move when you feel its right. If someone date or friend looks down on you for living at home, they aren't worth the time imo.



Graelwyn
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10 Nov 2014, 7:22 pm

I lived with a parent until I was 24. I then lived with a partner for over five years. I have lived alone for the last 10 years and I can tell you, it is not easy. It is a struggle to organise myself to pay bills and to keep any sort of cleaning and tidying up. I do not work and am on disability benefits here in the Uk. No children, no husband, and yes, at times I have become very sad and angry at the fact I am now probably too old to ever have those things now.

The lack of working sits badly on me. I tend to view myself as pretty much a useless waste of space in a society where you are expected to have a role and where those who work tend to look down upon those who do not as scroungers. It has tormented me more than ever before this year, maybe because I am nearing forty. It is as if I am an eternal Peter Pan but there is no Neverland to escape to.

I am hoping to learn to drive and to try and get into some sort of part time work. I cannot find any self respect without that. Either that or I shall volunteer with a cancer charity. I am a person who has to feel she has a purpose and is useful in the world.


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Zajie
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11 Nov 2014, 7:15 am

Where I originate from its considered normal for you to be living with your parents until you get married and if you do get married and theres enough place at the house for you and your family you can stay, actually its considered better because you're not leaving your parents after they raised you and makes family bonds stronger.



WantToHaveALife
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16 Nov 2014, 3:27 pm

MatchingBlues wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
These days, it's not embarrassing for a person in his/her early 20's to still be living with their parents.


I'm 23 and do not live with my parents and I am questioned about it frequently. It's a judgmental type of questioning, like "What did you do for them to not support you?"

All I can say is since I was 13, my father told me I start paying him rent on my 18th birthday or I move the hell out. Why this practice is alien to people, I don't know.


i'm almost 27 and I live with my parents, I don't see myself moving out anytime soon since I don't have the qualifications to acquire a job that pays significantly above minimum-wage, and living in California doesn't help at all either since even the cheapest 1-bedroom apartments are like more than a grand a month



friedmacguffins
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16 Nov 2014, 4:00 pm

Multi-generational living situations are traditional, if frowned upon, and are being practiced, discreetly, in economically-blighted areas. I've made a couple payments on my parents' house while living with them, and on their car, while they were unemployed. This week, I will be doing extensive landscaping, no, not just mowing and watering, and split more firewood than you would expect in suburbia.

My aunt has taken in my grandparents, and, if I was in that position, I would take my parents in.

Yes, independence is the ideal. Sometimes, corporate America fails to uphold it's end of the social contract, or there are other circumstances beyond our control.

I knew one person, who lost his profitable restaurant franchise, arbitrarily, after building it up, so became a caregiver in an assisted living program. The doors on the business were never closed.

One had a music store in the World Trade center, but wound up stocking shelves at a graveyard shift, in a depressing closeout store.

One person went from higher-level clerical work to needing blood products, too regularly.

A couple of local missionaries have assumed care of their sickly mother's orchard.

It's unfortunate that bullies will exploit any opening, to take dignity away from an intelligent, values-oriented person.

From the Gangs of New York (vulgar)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKvEBXqId_Q
'Everybody owes, and everybody pays.'

All of the blowhards are dependent, in their own way, and are never 100% assured of a positive outcome.



Joe90
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17 Nov 2014, 7:00 am

Most people I know still living at home with their parents. I have 12 cousins, all between the ages of 17 and 27 and all NTs, and only very few of them have only just moved out, and they are the older ones in uheir mid-20s. When all of them were 22, none of them had moved out. And no its not because they are lazy.

I'd say start worrying about that if you're still living at home when you're at least 30. It's common to still be living at home at 22. There's no rush.


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bguimaraes
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17 Nov 2014, 7:05 am

I think I'll be home until I marry or die... something like that 8O



SameStars
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17 Nov 2014, 9:11 am

I'll be 22 soon, and I'm also living at home. I've graduated from college a few months ago, and a little after that I passed my driver licence. I hope to move out once I find a job, and get some sort of stabiltiy. Based on the people around me, it isn't really strange to still be living at home when in college.



WantToHaveALife
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17 Nov 2014, 1:38 pm

SameStars wrote:
I'll be 22 soon, and I'm also living at home. I've graduated from college a few months ago, and a little after that I passed my driver licence. I hope to move out once I find a job, and get some sort of stabiltiy. Based on the people around me, it isn't really strange to still be living at home when in college.


i'm almost 27 and the highest level of education I've completed is a high school diploma, its hard to not feel ashamed at myself for this since it seems apparently that it's very hard, extremely difficult to get hired at a job that provides financial stability without some form of college education, but i'm no expert on this



Persimmonpudding
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17 Nov 2014, 3:09 pm

For one thing, my father was in his early 20's when he and my mom had me, and they were the worst screw-ups, as parents, that you could imagine. Their house was unsanitary and plagued with cockroaches, they smoked, and they left me to crawl on the floor with the dog (who was the only responsible adult there). Naturally, I was suffering from pneumonia by the time I was two years old. Whoopsie! You think their performance as parents got better after that little crisis? Nope. Went downhill from there. They pretty much failed as parents, and it's partly because they were still children when they had me. In fact, my father didn't really start behaving authentically like an adult until I was in my mid-twenties, honestly.

Therefore, starting out early with a family does not necessarily make someone a superior person. Having a job early on? It doesn't help someone who is living paycheck to paycheck trying to keep up an apartment, with rent and utilities, on a low-wage job, especially while raising a family.

Right now, you just might end up becoming your parents' carer, so start working right now on getting very good at it. Start doing stuff around the house. Do things to maintain their residence. Start trying to learn how to cook healthy meals. Start trying to encourage your parents to get out and exercise. Try to get your mom out to the gym, and see if you can get your dad fishing or playing golf. If you are going to be a stay-at-home child, then learn to be good at it.

If you want to try to get a part-time job, then talk to local landscapers. You could probably get a temporary part-time job raking leaves. If you are in a cold climate that gets a lot of snow, be ready for the snowfall because there will be jobs shoveling snow. There is a lot of seasonal work out there that most people don't want to do because they are working regular jobs. Just ask around. Ask your neighbors who they hire to mow their lawns, trim their hedges, pull their weeds, and shovel their snow.

Start building a network. That means just sitting and talking with...anybody! You have neighbors all around you. Start talking to them, and that means getting them to talk to you. The most important thing that I learned about talking to people successfully is that the target is getting OTHERS to talk. The more you can get another person to talk, the more you are winning. They start talking to you about job leads. You get some very useful advice and ideas.

Now, as far as your self-esteem, let me be real with you: a lot of people your age have estranged their parents. Their parents don't want to talk to them and don't want to see them. If you continue having the affection of your parents, then that is a good thing. You have earned their belief that you are a good enough person to be worth their investment.



friedmacguffins
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17 Nov 2014, 3:42 pm

(Nicaraguan and Portuguese) Rob Rennie wrote an article called, "In Defense of Living with Your Parents," and Andrea Frazzetta's "The Island Where People Forget to Die," speaks of the same kind of living arrangements, in rural Greece.

On some work crews, especially with absentee managers, I have found that there is little structure or routine. There is always, always, some way to make yourself useful. I think this applies to a household, and especially with aging parents. (Don't tell them that, out loud. :wink: )

There are countless, possible fund raisers, not all of which will make you rich and famous, but it is possible to fill every waking hour constructively, if you're so ambitious.

Everybody wants, expects, and aspires to be Daddy Warbucks. It's not the norm, in all fairness, but that doesn't mean you have to give up.



friedmacguffins
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18 Nov 2014, 4:54 pm

Some of the women are like looking at works of art or scenes from nature, and the men posting here oftentimes very clever. I don't feel down, when reading from some of the people who are so down on themselves.



WantToHaveALife
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19 Nov 2014, 11:10 am

for those living in California, do you have a roommate? I assume its generally the norm to have a roommate in California since the rent is so high here