OCD

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Has anyone on this forum experienced intense ocd/anxiety? I have experienced a tremendous amount of ocd within the last 2 years, but I have been able to contain it with medication. Two years ago when I was 19, I spilled some super glue on my desk. When I tried to get the stain out, it just stayed there. I kept messing with it for days and hours trying to get it off my desk. I just made it worse which gave me more anxiety. After the super glue incident, the ocd only got worse from there. Two months after the super glue incident and experiencing a lot of anxiety and having to have everything perfect, I started experiencing intrusive thoughts of harming and killing my own dad. The intrusive thoughts started after I saw something on tv about someone killing their dad. I joked about it at first but then the thoughts kept repeating themselves in my brain. I could not get rid of these thoughts. These thoughts lasted for almost a year. The anxiety, ocd, and intrusive thoughts that I have experienced were all before I got my diagnosis of having Asperger's. I didn't get diagnosed until the beginning of this year. I have read that ocd is common for people with Asperger's. I have also experienced intrusive thoughts about my own death and thoughts of something bad happening to my loved ones out of my control. Ocd is a nightmare. Does anyone on here have any ocd challenges that you would like to share?

hy there, my OCD is not intense as it used to be when I was younger...when I'm under great stress it 'strikes me' if stims and tics don't compensate/calm my anxiety....I start counting and tapping with my fingers until it feels right and I have to get everything symetrical (it's like an acute OCD attack to say so)....and til about 4 months ago I had intrusive thoughts of 'fittng in image of a perfect massive murderer' and it was really annoying (not so scary)...but what usually happens to me is that I compensate one of my 'meaningless repetitive behaviours' with another form (compensate tics with comulsions, start stimming when it doesn't work and it goes around and around)...but now I mostly stim and tic...not so OCDish anymore...but I get how you feel...hope it gets better...pacing and wearing helmet or applying some kind of pressure on my body usually helps (well unless I get panic attack lol)...hope it helps, you're not alone!

Yes. I have pretty severe and intrusive OCD. It has become worse since living in an environment that is unpleasant in terms of tidyness and cleanliness. It is also riddled with damp issues and just a miserable place to live. So as soon as I get in, I feel compelled to stick to certain rituals, such as having certain items precisely lined up, labels facing dead centre. It is time consuming and eventually I end up melting down from the frustration of wasting time and not being in control of my mind. It is such a pointless waste of time, yet my brain feels all tense and anxious until I do it all.

I have never been medicated for it as medications so often have various side effects.

OCD is brutal...a living Hell.

It is ok to admit that you need help.

You do need help.

Will you seek help from a Psychiatrist regarding your homicidal thoughts?

They are not your fault but they need to be addressed.

I have gotten help with my intrusive thoughts. I have gone to therapy and I take medication. My thoughts aren't as bad as they were, but I still experience some ocd such as perfection issues. Ocd is a living nightmare.

I'm glad you have rec'd help.
I wish your suffering would stop.

I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as a child (12 I think). Later I was told I "grew out of it," which I interpreted at nthe time as one MH professional toeing that profession's equivalent of the Thin Blue Line, attempting to obfuscate obvious misdiagnosis.

My thinking now is that was experiencing a serious imbalance in, and too much fluctuation in, time during which I was exposed to far too many stimuli, and time during which I was exposed to far too few, with hardly any time at all in the "Goldilocks zone." Being bombarded with overstimulation generated excessive analytic capacity, but in a traumatic fashion, which meant it would be a long time before I'd be able to put that capacity to productive use. Periods of stimulation-deprivation had me start exercising that excess capacity to get it to "heal," but with a very small dataset (insufficient stimulation) this resulted in "over-analyzing," or obsessions; as well as implementing the results of that over-analysis, or compulsions.

As I got older and struggled for independence I was subject to fewer coercive forces, and could thus put myself in the "Goldilocks zone" often enough, and for long enough, to work this out.

I also have an easier time with OCD as I've grown older. When I was younger it consumed me to the point where I would frequently be tormented.

The worst part of OCD for me is the fear. The rest are obsessive things that make me panic otherwise when things aren't correct or organized in a way that everything of one task will happen in one day for example, or everything being in the right pattern, and eating habits, MUCH more. I take antipsychotics for obsessive compulsive fear, but I'm not diagnosed with psychosis, even though I feel as though I am very paranoid, and I remember some things in the past that I believed that were VERY odd that I eventually got over. I now believe some things that some people think are odd, but they're not, because I have supporting evidence that the thing is possible. I also have hallucinations, but I realize they are fake after I'm done panicking about them and they go away.

Although I've never been diagnosed with OCD, I strongly suspect myself of having it. It's not as bad as it used to be, but I can relate to a lot of these, like having intrusive thoughts about killing people and other horrible things. I hate it because I never wanted to think those things, but they would just pop into my mind out of nowhere and not leave for a very long time. A few years ago I even used to hit myself in the head with books to try to make it stop, but nothing helped. Thankfully I haven't had any extremely bad thoughts in a long time, but i definitely know how you feel. Another thing is that I always want my hands and feet to have the same "feeling" in them, for example if my hand brushes against a wall, I have to brush my other hand against the wall so that they feel the same. Also whenever I walk up or down stairs, I always have to start with my right foot, and i always count the number of stairs. If there's an odd number, I have to put both my feet on the last step before continuing.

I'm fairly young so I don't know if my experience is really comparable to yours, but when I was twelve, I became obsessed that a website I knew was going to close down after someone mentioned it. I would check it 6+ times a day to make sure it wasn't closed and CONSTANTLY obsessed over it. I felt really silly about the whole thing after the website closed, and I really hope this doesn't happen again... I had to be close to a computer at all times so that I could check the website if needed.

I also used to wash my hands up to 70 times a day because I was terrified of any germs being on my hands. That lasted about 4 years until I stopped, but it was a gradual thing.

I put everything in order of size in my locker and if any books are of equal size I put them in colour/alphabetical order. Otherwise I feel uncomfortable...

I have had severe OCD since childhood. I also have Tourettes, so at times, my compulsions and tics rule over me. The thoughts are worse. I see images of me hanging myself or getting killed by a sword to the chest. Routinely, I wear all my shirts in rainbow order.

My psyche is not very open to this. She just says I need meds + more therapy (i.e. money)

I've had OCD phases for a long time & the phases fluctuated alot about what they were. Sometimes it was intrusvie thoughts, or it was about doing things perfect & other times it was organizing & collecting. The anxiety aspect got better after I started taking Buspar & the obsessive part got better after I started taking Neurontin.

Well, I'd had OCD since about being 10 years old. When I was about 12, some of the rituals/stims that I still follow, had developed... Basically, I constantly suffer from fear and anxiety, mainly associated with either direct physical damage (sickness, terminal illness, suffering, injury) of me or people I love, or with some sort of 'sinful' behavior. My OCD changed its manifestations over the years, back in the day I'd have to wash my hands and body for hours, to take a shower or brush my teeth was like a torture, I constantly counted and repeated numbers in my head (numbers are the core of my OCD, I guess), a few years ago the main part of my rituals consisted of repeating in my mind various phrases and words (usually in a classifying way, categorizing them one by one), some times I'd have to repeat up to 120 times... The last few years were relatively better, since I've discovered what a condition this is (before, I was exteremly anxious about people possibly seeing my weird activities, associated with OCD and I had thought it is both personal and sort of indecent), however, the latest manifestation is again disturbing: I have obssesive ideas and cannot get rid of them by any means... At least, those ideas are not as direct as of some people have posted above, but they basically relate either to the real of religion/spirituality (but not directly, rather in a way of understanding 'sin' and 'wrath') and sexuality. But, while this is a new thing and thus rather annoying and disturbing, my life is basically fully controlled by my OCD, as I have no idea, how to do any action whatsoever without OCD, hence my whole life is a set of rituals and ceremonials. But I got used to it, so I am comfortable with it, if it does not interrupt that much (what usually happens when I'm extra anxious or in a situations that I'm not preppared for)... I never took any medication for it, because, well, all medication, especially that related to mental health, usally has sever drawbacks. I'd better try cope on my own, than become a sort of legal drug addict... The strange thing though is that there are like two individuals in me- one, who rationally understands, what OCD is, why I have an urge to control my daily routine and why I see things 'in wrong places', who understands, that it is a fiction, a delusion of my sick mind and that no harm logically can be derived from my actions or absence thereof, but the other individual is the suffering one, who succumb to this ritualistic behavior... When I once was at the psychiatrist, because of Asperger's and not OCD, yet I was asked about it, I told some things about it, but, when he asked does it interfere with my daily life, I suddenly became afraid and backed off, as I was afraid to be seen as 'sick' or whatever... But it does interfere to say the least. But, following Nietzsche, I believe what we get is what we have to fight against, deal with and work on. If I have OCD, I have to control it by myself.

I don't have OCD but do have some tendencies. My older brother does. He really struggled with it and was bullied. He had a lot of anxiety and difficulty coping. However, when he went to college things changed. He made huge strides and completed his masters degree.

OCD is actually quite curable, but are you sure you want to cure it?
Consider all the time wasted doing all of those "weird" tasks (To me not all of them are weird - I just like things straight/angled -> gets worse if you learn math -> ever lined up multiple objects in a progressive series? - it's like doing modern architecture: and many architects actually are quite anal(AKA OCD) )

Cleaning, I have learnt to not bother with: Live with someone that is always creating the mess, and you will soon learn to give up...but as soon as I am alone , I doo get back into bad habits.

Living with the anxiety of living in squaller (or perceived mess) can be difficult.
The anxiety of being pushed by previous thoughts, that don't stop cropping up into thought processes: I recommend turning your thoughts into an art piece and getting it out. (Then get rid of the art peice: You don't want constant reminder)

OCD is actually cute.

There is the opposite: An OCD type person that is messy. (Hoarder) It's the exact same condition, but in this case the persons compulsion is repeating themselves, in what looks tobe either laziness or an addiction. eg. Eating over the kitchen sink...which many males do. This isn't OCD but actually a practicallity, but when it becomes routine behaviour it's an addiction, but one that has a practical excuse. For typical obsessive compulsives (the cleaners, the liner uppers, the repeaters/counters, the line steppers, the line followers, etc.) The practical excuse can actually be "art".

The fact that you are occupying your time can be an advantage in a world where there is mass un-employment...be thankful that you won't be one of the commoners that cannot occupy themselves and go out to the streets to pillage and rape. (and you would actually be a very good farmer - lining up all those crops in your abode to perfection)